Drinking Is a Futile Attempt To Heal Ourselves From the Outside In

We are taught to heal ourselves from the outside in, rather than the inside out. The photo on the left is from 2012. I was 2-3 months postpartum, having just had two kids in 29 months if you count the 18 months of pregnancy. Point being: my body had been through it.

I remember seeing the photo on the left and being MORTIFIED.

Looking at the photo on the left, two things come to mind:

1. I was dressing in a way that didn't flatter my body because I WANTED my body to be a certain way. I could have embraced my current shape and dressed to flatter it, but I didn't.
2. I hated the way I looked. Hated.

Additional photos over the next few months sparked an effort at getting into shape. I did P90X (do any of you remember that?) and evolved into the photo on the right.

Looking at the photo on the right, two things come to mind:

1. I can feel the strength, confidence, and all around FEELING MYSELF in this photo.
2. I was allowing my outer appearance to dictate my inner world.

Ultimately, when I left the Lions in 2014 to create my own business, I still looked like the photo on the right. My inner world, though, was. a mess. The lack of structure going from a full-time job to being a freelancer/business owner -- on top of all the other unresolved inner issues I already had -- sent me reeling.

I would take my laptop to bars so I could accompany work with a pint. I drank coffee and 5-Hour Energy throughout the day. I was obsessed with my appearance - my nails had to be done, I got into make-up, clothes.

I was trying to heal myself from the outside in.

It didn't work.

Three years later, I chose sobriety. With that, my healing from the inside out began.

What does inside-out healing look like?

I recently spoke to a preteen about handling bullying in school -- a situation in which they can't "escape."

So often, adults tell young people to "just ignore it." While the ACTION is right in that scenario, it's an attempt to heal from the outside in.

It's nothing but a mask. A facade.

If turmoil lies underneath that "ignoring" -- if the young person is genuinely impacted by the bullying behavior -- "ignoring it" won't be effective. The bully will sense that they are getting traction and will continue engaging.

The key is to be UNAFFECTED.

These young people must pour into themselves -- and have others pour into them -- with how valued they are. How they deserve to be treated with dignity and grace and how anyone who doesn't honor that isn't worth their time.

As the inner confidence grows, the outer response begins to change.

As I told one middle schooler, "One day a kid is going to say something to you and you're going to respond with confidence. You won't care about what that kid said, and you'll be surprised by the way you instinctively handle it."

HEALING FROM THE INSIDE OUT.

That is the process sobriety begins.

Trying to manufacture healing on the outside -- with substances, clothes, jobs, money, notoriety, affirmation, etc. -- won't last.

Take an inside-out approach. It's worth it.

About First and Sober

First and Sober is about living life with presence. For some, that means first getting free from the hold alcohol has on their lives. For all, it means getting real about living each day wide awake and on purpose. If you believe you have a problem with alcohol you can't overcome on your own,?please reach out for help.