NOT DRINKING

There’s a funny little observation I make when things look bad, that always helps, without fail:

Things could be worse. I could still be drinking.

It’s now a full five years since I drank anything alcoholic (??) and, hand on heart, can state confidently that there’s not been one single moment of temptation.

(I had a sniff of an expensive glass of red wine the other day, thought, “Ooh, that smells nice” but had no urge whatsoever to taste it; a bit like freshly laid tarmac.)

No, the divorce was absolute - a situation so utterly incomprehensible to me at the time, that I really couldn’t understand how it had happened.

Below is what I wrote after one year on the wagon, outlining the two major pieces of the puzzle.

There’s a podcast episode link for you at the end, and a book recommendation.

If you’ve tried cutting down or quitting, don’t like your drinking habits and seem powerless to change, then it’ll be the first of the two puzzle pieces you’re stuck on.

That’s the one I help with, so drop me a DM if you want some support.

Change is possible — nay, inevitable! — when we have some insights around the principles governing our experience of life.

I love you, whatever your views on alcohol.

??

Giles

***

ABSTAIN-IVERSARY

It was such a massive non-event, that I failed to even notice an entire year had passed since I’d had an alcoholic drink.

That is, until it occurred to me just now, one year and five days later.

Such is my utter disinterest in booze these days, that it wasn't even something worth celebrating. Closing the door on a 30 year drinking career was the easiest “thing” I have ever done.

And yet, if you'd told me this fact, one year and SIX days ago, I would have laughed at you so hard, my sides would have hurt. Give up drinking ENTIRELY?!? And be happy with that? Are you f***ing KIDDING me?!?!!

ALL my friends and family will tell you… I LOVED to have a drink! I loved the taste of beer and a good red wine (I had quite the cellar at one point). I loved the sociable aspect of it, and how it was such a shared experience. I loved the way it took the edge off my day, and how it was always there as an option. I loved the warm glow in my belly after the first few sips. I loved hoovering up snacks with my favourite beer, and the sensation of steak & Rioja or Port & Stilton in my mouth. I loved that first sip of ale, in a pub, after a really long walk.

I. Loved. Alcohol.

So how on earth did I go from THAT ???? to effortlessly just… not really giving a shit? (Because Giles from 1 year and 6 days ago would really like to know ??)

You see, in that time, there's not been one moment where I thought I wanted a drink.

There's not been one ounce of will power required.

There's not been the slightest should-I-shouldn't-I? debate in my head, even when I went to a weekend beer festival (that was plain WEIRD).

HOW?

I put it down to TWO things.

Thing ONE—by far the most significant of the two—was having a series of life-changing insights about the mechanics of how our minds work, the implications of all that, and who/what I actually am.

Completely unintentionally, I stumbled across the “3 Principles” (or the “Inside-Out Understanding” or “Health Realisation” or “Subtractive Psychology” or whatever you want to call it; it's really not important) and my whole life changed completely.

I was on such a natural high—in love with life and every last one of my fellow humans, all doing our best, from a position of total psychological innocence—that booze just didn't even factor into the equation for a while.

My senses were so heightened, my consciousness so expanded, that to ask, “D'you fancy a beer?” would have seemed like sacrilege. I was way too busy just sitting grinning to myself, tripping over my tongue, trying to put it into words, or literally crying with happiness at the simple perfection of life, and of me, and of everything, that there was just no need.

(Apologies to anyone who interacted with me in this labile state – you'd be forgiven for thinking I'd lost my marbles.)

But as I slowly came back from seeing the absolute truth of “No mountain” and donned my cloak of visibility to once more enter the world of “Mountain” (it’s a Zen thing – look it up), I found myself having the odd drink again, and before I knew it, I was pretty much back to where I’d started: two or three drinks most evenings, sometimes more. No artificial limits, or rules, or hoo-ha, just regular boozing.

Mindless consumption, out of habit, more than anything. Once again, alcohol was always there as an option.

Dammit. I thought I was done with this. I know I don’t NEED it, I don’t even really WANT it, so why the hell am I DOING it?

Eventually, the waking-in-the-night-dehydrated-slightly-tachycardic-needing-a-piss thing got to me the most, and I resolved to act. That was thing TWO and it’s what got me permanently out of a 30 year-long, on/off habit.

See, I knew change was possible—it’s always possible; nothing’s fixed—but the thing that made the difference was being ready to let go of repeatedly saying, “Just not right now, yeah?” and being ready for something completely different. Something I couldn’t conceive of (otherwise I’d have done it by now).

A shift in perspective that would allow me to inhabit a different world.

So I read a book called “This Naked Mind”. I’d heard a lot about it and how people had radically changed their drinking habits, after reading it. That’s what I wanted: to change my drinking habits. Not to STOP drinking—heavens, no! Not happening!—but I wanted to change that attitude of it being this thing that was “always there as an option”.

I’d had the book for ages, but “Just not right now, yeah?” had always been the response when I contemplated picking it up. Because first there was so and so’s birthday, and then there was that two day beer festival, and bloody hell I’ve got a lot on at the moment and it really is helpful to take the edge off things in the evenings…

Thing TWO was crossing the rubicon. It was being ready to let go of the stories.

I started reading the book and was quickly engrossed. DO NOT TRY TO STOP DRINKING WHILE READING THIS BOOK was quite the most perfect opener I could ever have hoped for. The author got me. Oh god, reading through it, the author was me!

And then, three days later—about half way through the book—I noticed that not only had I not had a drink, but I didn’t even want one. The urge had left me completely. It was the strangest thing.

All this time, my biggest fear about becoming abstinent had centred on how I’d have to cope with not being able to have a drink… and all that time it honestly never occurred to me that a state of mind might exist where I didn’t want to!

How could I have not seen that?!

And so it was simple. One year and 6 days ago, I drank alcohol most days. One year and 5 days ago, I stopped doing that.

*****

Why am I telling you this?

It’s certainly not because I think anyone should change their drinking habits. I don’t care what you drink, or whether you drink, honestly I don’t. You’ll do what makes sense—we can only ever do what makes sense—and that’s fine.

It’s not to pimp my help, if you do want to change your drinking habits. While of course I’ll help anyone who wants it, you certainly don’t need my help, you just need to be ready, and then to do it. (I recommend the book!)

No, I’m telling you this because I am still frankly ASTONISHED at what a radical change of heart I experienced around alcohol.

One day I honestly loved it. The next day I didn’t.

So I’m telling you because I want you to know… that it’s possible.

Anything’s possible.

With love

??

Giles

p.s. since then I recorded a podcast episode all about alcohol with Dr Rachel Morris. You can listen to it here: https://overcast.fm/+TB3oUQRS0