Dress Rehearsing Sadness

Hello beautiful NGS Community,

I hope you are all well and enjoyed a lovely weekend.

Today is my brother’s birthday and so the morning began with multiple messages to our family WhatsApp group. We exchanged photos, messages and memories as we looked forward to lunch together. For so many, food brings us together, and birthday cake holds a special place in our hearts. In our family, I am known as the Cake Queen and I absolutely love baking birthday joy, singing loudly (and out of tune!) and giving birthday hugs. But, as I have mentioned before, as well as being the life of the birthday party, I am usually the one with tears streaming down my face.

For me, birthdays are happy sadness. They simultaneously symbolise gratitude and grief… and together they allow for growth. Christmas also sparks this kind of emotion within me as we recognise… “Another year over. And a new one just begun.” After the countless family messages and memories shared over WhatsApp this morning, I saw the following post that struck my heart:

I have shared in my blog many times how difficult I often find it to stay in the present. As my three boys get older, my thoughts regularly drift to the future and a time when we are all no longer together at home. As much as I know that dress rehearsing sadness only deprives us of the opportunity for joy in this moment, it is very hard not to let our intrusive thoughts take hold. Just like Glennon Doyle, I can also imagine myself, “begging my boys to be home-colleged” as I just can’t bear the thought of them moving out… But this is happy sadness. This is the consequence of… “Another year over. And a new one just begun.” And how lucky am I that I get to experience it all.

So, as expected, I cried at my brother’s birthday lunch today as we sang Happy Birthday, and I hugged my niece and nephews. And I will continue to dress rehearse the sadness of my boys moving out. I don’t do this for the fear of being vulnerable and facing my grief when the time arrives. I do this for love. And in my own way, this is part of my experience of gratitude and growth. Choosing to hold space for my sadness doesn’t prevent me from being happy. It brings both truths closer together.

Wishing you all a beautiful week, sending love, gratitude and the bravery to embrace happy sadness.

Ms Marnie Thomas

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