On Dreams

Being a father to my three kids (2 girls and 1 boy) is probably the biggest joy in my life. They do not only bring fun and laughter, they or the interactions with them also teach me some of the most important lessons.

In short: My kids make me a better person with a better life.

A few weeks ago, we spent a week away from home as my kids had school holidays. Despite me working, I got to spend more quality time with them compared to a regular school and work week.

So we got to speak about a few things that normally do not come up...

Every morning while the others were still asleep my son and I went into the sports hall for a game of football. It has become part of our routine to exercise together and at the same time we get to talk.

At one point I asked him: "Do you still want to become a professional football player?"

His response: "Of course I do... there are few things that are as fun as football. If this can be my job, I would be really happy."

I followed up with: "Which part of football do you enjoy the most?"

His response: "I love playing matches... but to be honest, I do not enjoy the training as much and I am also not sure whether I would want to stick to a strict diet."

Now, this is the moment to bring in some 'dad wisdom' ;-)

"You know you probably won't become a football pro if you do not practice enough and if you do not take care of your body which means a good diet and good recovery."

"Yes... I know. But why can't I just get my dream come true without putting in the work?"

Great question... He and I continue talking, of course I mention that a dream is only worth something because we put in the work to get there.

We make our dreams come true... with an emphasis on MAKE.

He wants to continue playing instead of continuing our conversation so we stop talking and start playing.

But that conversation stuck with me... why can't we have it all? Why can't we get the results without putting in the work?

For the past 5 years, my biggest investment in developing myself has been the regular work I do with my coach Shani Ospina . She has challenged me and with that challenged many of the assumptions I hold.

The title of this weekly article #FromNothingComesNothing is one of those assumptions that I believe is true.

Some of the assumptions I held, turned out to be wrong... they were limiting me in achieving my full potential - whatever that is ;-)

As part of our work together, I learned to let go in some areas and double down in some other areas. I also learned that I can be as effective or even more effective if I put the spotlight on others and do not need to be the one who is center stage.

Many of the assumptions I held have been passed to me by my parents and my grandparents. These were beliefs that served them well, and thus they passed them on.

They did that with the best intentions... but what was true for them - in their context - does not necessarily have to be true for me. Context matters... also with regard to assumptions.

Back to my son's question: "Why can't I just get my dream come true without putting in the work?"

The more I think about this, the less of a proven answer I have...

Maybe I do not need to have an answer. As a dad, I do not have to be the know-it-all. I can share my experience, but my son will hopefully learn beyond the things I know and can share with him.

For myself, I have come to the conclusion that nothing of value, nothing that matters, comes for free. This is why I write this weekly article.

My dream, growing up as an immigrant kid, was fairly simple: I wanted to become a doctor, have a kind, smart, and beautiful wife, and a family. That's it... probably nothing fancy.

I never wanted to be a professional athlete or an astronaut. I also never dreamed of having a private jet, a yacht, or a huge mansion.

It was not that I did not dare to dream 'big'... I just did not and do not care about many of these material things.

More important than the dream itself, which was something that could change, was the belief that I can achieve it... Of course I would have to put in the work.

I knew this was something I had to make happen...

I needed to study to become a doctor.

I needed to go after that woman I wanted to become my wife.

I needed to build a family together with my wife.

All of these things required action first and would only then hopefully result in my dream coming true.

Looking back, everything I have achieved means so much to me because I know what I did to get there.

Becoming a doctor, a consultant, an entrepreneur... all of this took a lot of work. I cherish my company which is my team and the things we have created together, because I know how hard it was to do all of these things.

I cherish every client relationship because I know how hard it was to build the mutual trust and drive the things forward.

Being married for almost 16 years and a couple for 18 years was not always joyful. We have had our arguments, our fights, and our moments in which one of us did not see a path forward... but we have overcome those things by putting in the work - both individually and as a couple.

Our kids, our careers, we ourselves were sometimes impediments to our shared happiness and love.

Thanks to our commitment to each other, which above all means the willingness to put in the work, we are in a better situation than we have ever been in the past 18 years.

I started this article stating that being a father is probably the biggest joy of my life. My kids are truly a dream come true.

But they are also the biggest piece of work...

How my kids turn out, whether they will be good human beings, and whether they will lead a happy life is my biggest concern as a father.

My dream is for them to not only be happy, but also be a valuable contributor to humanity.

This does not mean that they have to become the chancellor of Germany or anything similar. But I want them to become someone that does not only thinks about themselves... but about their role and their duty in making society better.

This is my dream... not necessarily theirs.

But as with all other dreams I had and have, I believe it is up to me put in the work, the time, and the energy to give this dream even a chance of becoming true.

I cannot expect my kids to just turn out to be fine without actively participating in their journey. This is what true parenting, upbringing, nurturing is all about.

One of the most important lessons I have learned in life and try to pass on to my kids is dare to dream big.

Yes, dare to dream big... don't underestimate what you can become and what impact you can have.

And at the same time, you must be willing to put in the work and to overcome the obstacles.

As you work, as you learn, you will also notice that achieving your dream might be the destination... but the journey is equally (if not more) valuable.

It's the journey towards a dream that shapes you. It's that journey that will help you embark on similar journeys in the future. It's that journey that equips you with the skills and strength to continue dreaming and working towards making your dreams come true.

#FromNothingComesNothing