Dreams & Inspiration

This post is the follow-up to this poem; why I write. I strongly recommend reading both pieces.

When I was 10 years old, I sat at the back of our school’s hall. It would be the first play I’d ever attend. Lions Primary Nakuru was a temple for talent, and where I fell in love with the mesmeric art of theatre.

Acting, writing, and music.

It was a proud drama school that serially won awards all through the country and what I watched that day was in my books, the best ever. On stage, was a play called “Rumble in the Jungle.” The plot surrounded an adventurous group of students, battling for the honor of their schoolmaster. They had been sent on a camp trip in the forest, where opposing schools would try to sabotage the other. It was a simple premise, but the execution was anything but. The acting was captivating with the pacing of the script never feeling rushed. I got enthralled by the elegance in the young actors' movements that did justice to what was already a brilliant script. And even though much time has passed since, these memories have remained stuck.

I instinctively knew that I was witnessing a transformational moment. A flickering spark had been lit inside me. I had found something I could dedicate my life to. Like the photographer's film, I had been placed in a chemical bath where the latent image of my dream was slowly turning into a visible picture.

This would be my destiny; telling stories.

I left that hall aware of what I should do; I would write more, then join the acting troupe, scale my way up, and finally present a theatrical piece for the world’s entertainment.

But I did none of that.

Despite the massive spaces auditoriums occupy, the stage is a confined ground. The longer you stay on it; the more constrained it becomes. An intimidating, judgmental zone. A platform where perfection is the only expectation, and mistakes or failure is mocked and bloated.

I was afraid.

It would take years before I made my debut on stage and finally adopt my passion for the spotlight. It has been years since my last attempt. Perhaps this time should see me kick away the fear and finally tackle it full steam.

1.???? What should you specialize in?

Within our hearts, lies a fire that keeps on burning. We are all potential masters of something. Conceivers of a genius that thrives inside our minds – a fact belabored by better self-help authors. Many define these elements of genius as gifts, talents, or passions.

What I speak of is not passion, nor talent, but something that sits in the middle.

It is the realization of unique brilliance in a very niche topic. Like someone that has the ability to understand poetry at first reading, or a person that can divide large numbers off-head. Specific skills that at first glance, have no outright advantage. But if you dig deeper, you find a very unique perspective on ordinary living. Mine was and has always been imagination. I see things in my mind in vivid detail. Things that do not physically exist.

And I wouldn’t have known that my mind conceives worlds that nobody else can manifest until I started writing. Essays, compositions, and scripts. There was no moment when my stars aligned, eyes widened, and heaven’s doors opened for a loud voice to announce, “Marvin, fear not, you shall be a writer.”

No, instead I was driven by competition. That, and fear. Fear of failing often stopped me - and still continues to stop me - from even attempting things in the first place. So whenever I am placed in a situation where I have to deliver, I tend to assume that everybody else is far better than me and that I should bring my 100%. Competing made me realize areas where I usually on average performed better than others.

However, knowing you are better than most at something does not guarantee success. You could argue that a football player is, by all means, a better athlete than most. But it doesn't mean that his athleticism will result in success within his 'sporting' community. Therefore, knowing that I can write well, does inspire confidence that I could be a writer but doesn't assure me that I will, in fact, be successful. It simply establishes a foundation, from which other elements can be worked from.

So, all my life I have understood that I am constantly swimming against the current. I am always in a battle with the best minds in everything. Everyone is better at something. And I have to learn hard enough to keep myself competitive. That I’ll always be starting off in the worst placed position, grinding to get to the top of the ladder. The "ladder" being something I have constructed in my own mind. Rising and falling from it. Losing and finding my way back to it. But still, pushing on.

2.???? Where do you get inspiration from?

The mind lays information atop of another, drumming home into our subconscious some patterns and behaviors. I assume our lives as massive warehouses with different sections of storage. Whenever someone looks for inspiration, they find a storage unit in their mind and sift through it to retrieve a particular item.

For instance, a person’s definition of “a beautiful park” will always be different from another’s. Because if you sift through your mind, a park has to consist of greenery and tranquility, while for someone else, a park can only be a world of rollercoasters and exhilaration.

Within our own memories, buried beneath the many distractions that ungracefully age us, are amazing stories to tell. There’s enough material that can sustain the rest of our time on earth. Stories that would sell out theatres for everyone to obsess. Each day, something worth telling occurs. It’s unending and infinite. A true artist sees the mundanity of life and breathes life into it. And we are all artists.

However, we stay consumed by our own failing race against mortality.

It’s important to find these stories, and ways to tell them. It’ll keep your legacy alive. Everyone has a story to tell, please find a way to tell yours.

3.???? What about failure?

I don’t just do it.

I am always baffled by success stories, especially because the description of success is often very linear;

‘Start off struggling – Get a big break – Ride the wave of success.’

Mine was more like;

‘Succeed early – Ride the wave of success – Fail – Start again – Succeed – Fail - Start once more’

I started off by being an actor; a role in which I won multiple individual awards. Then after that, I was made director; they assumed a good actor would make a good director. They were right, the wave of success and reputation garnered drove me to present a winning play. Sadly, that would be the last thing I’d physically do for months since literally minutes after being crowned as the best director, I fell into devastating sickness.

I was sent to the back of the queue, no longer in the limelight, and my return would be marked by writing, producing, and directing yet another play. I had been humbled by life. So I put in hours and hours and was blessed to achieve similar heights. I was swiftly again, at the top of the craft.

This drove me to return to the heart of theatre and act once more. Emboldened by the wins, I pushed on to create my most ambitious project. I designed worlds with complex characters and plotlines interwoven with high-level production. A project that went on to fail horribly. ?

This failure sadly marked the last time I was directly involved in the beautiful world of performance art.

A world which I hope to return to one day.

As cliché as it sounds, there will be wins in your path as well as failure. Anticipate for both events. Don’t let the wins overwhelm you, just as you shouldn’t allow the losses to consume you. Pursue with conviction. If every part of your being is telling you to do something, then do it!

So I write for you dear reader, as much as I do for myself. Perhaps, even more, the latter.