Dream up the Life You Want. Then Design the Hell Out of It.
If you describe someone as a dreamer, you mean that they spend a lot of time thinking about and planning for things that they would like to happen but which are improbable or impractical.
“Far from being a dreamer, she’s a level-headed pragmatist.”
Synonyms:
idealist, visionary, daydreamer, utopian
—
Collins Dictionary
Being called a “dreamer” as an adult usually means you have these grand, unachievable visions for yourself and you might not have a “real job”.
Adult dreamers can be found in the mountains working on the next great American novel. Or in Venice, California, where they‘re surrounded by other adult dreamers who wear cool hats.
Some “productive dreamers” drown out their dreams with busyness.
We work to achieve some sort of validation from others that what we’re doing in life is purposeful. That the work we’re committed to has meaning. That our heart hasn’t sold us a total scam.
We throw sheer amounts of effort and hard work towards daily activities. We are desperate to be productive for the sake of being productive.
We work… and work… and keep working.
We slave away trying to create something… achieve something… be something. Sometimes not understanding who it is we even want to be or what it is we’re working to achieve.
After a long day of work we sometimes question what it is we accomplished, and if we have anything to show for the hours we put in.
We forget to dream. Or rather, we forget the importance of dreaming.
We fear if we give in to our dreams we’ll end up broke in Venice. With only our cool, overpriced hat to let everyone know we’re worthy of sharing the air they breathe.
We work without taking the time to slow down and think about the life we’re living. The life we want to live. And questioning why we’re not living that way right now.
We live in a world where bank accounts filled with dolla dolla bills and owning a mansion overlooking the ocean signals success.
Or starting an online business that generates six figures and writing a New York Times best-selling book means something.
So we keep working to achieve those things.
We keep working to erase the cringe-worthy explanation of “what it is we do all day” when our distant relatives question us on Christmas Eve. (There’s never enough cheap wine in the facility to make these interactions bearable.)
So we keep throwing effort at any project that can give us some outward validation. Or feel like we have something to show for this life that we’re living.
We need to stop focusing on the external glorification that comes with success. We need to get re-aligned with our internal purpose.
We must fall in love with dreaming. This is the first step.
The second is to design your life based on your fabulous dream.
Dreaming about the life we want allows us to know how to design the life we want.
It allows us to create a map. So we know what action to put towards our goals, what boundaries to set, what we need more of in our life, less of in our life, etc;
It gives us a plan that we can stick to. Or the ability to know when it’s necessary to pivot.
Dreaming allows us to get a full mind, body and heart connection with our passions.
It allows us to have a vision for our lives. We then curate goals and on behalf of our dreams.
Dream On -- This is the fun part
Anyone who ever left a mark on this world had a dream. Whether they created a business, governed a country, or created a movement, it all started in their mind and heart as a dream. At the beginning, that dream might have been laced with fantasies of fame or riches or power. They may have pictured successes or accolades or respect. Therein lie the temptations and the snares of big dreams.
— Kenneth Vogt, Life Hack
Look into your future and see all that could be.
Explore and envision what’s the best of “what might be” in your life.
Let yourself have fun conjuring up a vision that excites you.
Notice what possibilities generate excitement. What possibilities make you feel like you’re moving closer towards your purpose?
What sets your heart on fire?
Where do your passions come from? Why is your heart skipping a beat when you keep dreaming about “that one thing.”? What’s the reasoning behind the big picture of what you want?
Dreaming can lead you closer to the “why” of your life.
“Why” do you think you’re here?
Why do you think you’re where you are right now?
Why do you have the passions you have… the dreams you have?
Dream up a realistic, yet enchanting, vision for your future
Dream big, dream bold, dream without abandon.
However, if your dream is… “I want to be a world-class showrunner just like Shonda Rhimes”… that’s cool. But she’s a completely original person with her own varied life path.
You’re an individual on your own unique life path.
It doesn’t help you try to mimic what someone has already done.
Pull inspiration from them, but try to envision something realistic and uniquely YOU.
Challenge yourself to dream past what you’ve already seen others create.
Your dreams should be realistic so you can actively take steps towards achieving it and track your progress. But it also needs to be something that enchants you, to keep you motivated.
Dreaming up this future vision for yourself allows you to build positive motivation to take new actions in your life.
A Dream is the Starting Point
Your dream is the destination, but the true journey is in how you get there.
A dream gives us a place to run towards. But it’s who we become in the process of achieving it that is truly where our dream is being actualized.
If you look back on your life, it’s marked by certain memories that you’re fond of.
Dig deep into those memories.
They’re laced with emotions of how you feel standing in that moment. Or the person you are in that moment.
We remember our resiliency and the times we become better versions of ourselves.
We remember the times we had a tough choice to make, and it gave us more clarity in our lives.
It’s always the journey we endure on our way to the dream destination that is the most prevalent in our lives.
If You Don’t Dream for Yourself, You Live Someone Else’s Dream
Whether it be your parents, your partner, your sibling, your friend, society, etc;
Someone else will give you a dream to work towards and hold on to.
We need to have a vision for ourselves and a purpose that’s realized.
We need to create a map to guide us towards “something”.
You will subconsciously pick a dream that belongs to someone else if you don’t create one for yourself. You will latch on to what someone else called appealing and attractive. You will decide that’s worth dedicating most of your life and time to.
You may think it sounds easier because someone clearly expresses why they think this is the dream for you. They illuminate a clear path for you to follow.
Sure, their dream is probably meant to keep you safe and stable, and there’s nothing bad about that.
But there’s only one ‘you’.
You’re currently living the only time that you’re guaranteed on this planet. There will never be another ‘you’ with your vision ever again.
Use it fearlessly.
Now that You’ve Dreamed… Design Like Your Life Depends on it… Because it Does
The best part about having a clear and specific dream is you can make a clear and specific plan. You can design the map of how to get to the destination of your dream.
You get to strategize the best design for your dream.
What are some clear action steps you can take? Tangible action steps that bring your dream closer to reality.
What are certain habits, procedures, systems, resources, relationships, and finances, that are necessary to introduce into your life so that you can take action?
The best place to start is to look at your current life and your current day-to-day operations.
What needs to shift for you to be aligned with your dream? What do you need to take away or modify to make room for new things you need to include?
This is all part of the design.
Design what your days, weeks, or month will look like to help you make small, tangible steps.
It’s not about waking up at the end of your first month of working towards your dream and having some big revelation or some monumental shift.
I mean, hey if that happens, go on with your bad self!
But it’s more about setting up a new system for your schedule to allow you to make room for the small, tangible steps.
They’re easier to take and easier to complete. Which means… you’ll take a small step… and then another one… and then another one.
Instead of trying to bite off way more than you can chew and having no idea if you’re taking even the smallest step forward on your map.
What’s the smallest step you can take right now?
Knowing what’s the smallest, babiest step you can achieve today will help you get clarity on what the next step should be, and then the next…
Don’t flood your to-do list with too many next “steps”.
Maybe only taking one small step a week is manageable for you. Maybe that’s all you can commit to. Maybe you can take one tiny step a day.
No matter how many small steps you’re able to take on whatever timeline you’re able to take them is still one more small step than you took yesterday or last week… it still is progress moving you in the right direction.
“But do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to play the piano / act / paint / write a decent play?”
Yes . . . the same age you will be if you don’t.”
― Julia Cameron, The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity
It’s not about having all the steps and the entire map planned out for yourself.
It’s just about having the next step and knowing how to take it.
What resources do you need? How much time do you need? How do you need to design your day, your week, your month to take that small tangible next step? Every step is compounding effort onto the next step…
Clear the Way of Roadblocks
Now that you know where you currently are in your life, you’ve dreamed up your fantastic dream, and you’ve flushed out this incredible design… what could possibly get in your way of achieving it?
What could come up and take you away from taking even the smallest of steps? What could throw you completely off course for your dream to stay simply that… a dream.
It will happen. We have bad habits and distractions of our own creation or provided to us by our family, roommates, etc;
I’m not saying you have to quit your full-time job and dedicate every second of your day to your dream. More power to you if you can.
Knowing what your roadblocks are and being able to spot them as they arise or before they greet you will be huge.
Effectively dealing with your roadblocks allows you to continue moving forward.
Roadblocks are inevitable. If you can expunge them, fantastic.
If you can’t, because they’re your kids nagging you or your 9–5 job, create ways to deal with them, so you can still move a centimeter forward.
What is Going to Keep You Accountable?
What can you put in place to keep yourself accountable?
What little thing will go off in the back of your mind to let you know you need to have a re-do and get your head back in the game? How will you stay motivated to be on track?
I do a weekly check-in and reflection. Usually on Sunday because it helps me gear up for the upcoming week.
I look back at the week prior, and I then look forward.
Where was I resilient in my prior week? Where could I improve my time management skills? What roadblocks appeared? How did I navigate dealing with them? How do I know that I’m veering off track or staying on it?
I also re-designed my mornings to help me. I realized I was taking in too much content at the start of my day, and it was affecting the work I was then doing.
Now I do morning pages, then I write, then I meditate to break up the rest of my workday and take a moment to ground myself.
Schedule some time weekly to reflect. Where are you currently, where do you want to keep moving towards and how are you handling the roadblocks that get in your way.
Conclusion
You can’t design the life you want if you don’t dream it up first.
Let it be wildly realistic and mesmerisingly enchanting.
We’re all searching for a feeling. The feeling of our own self-growth, the feeling we’ll achieve once we reach our destination.
It’s the process of getting there. The journey of walking on the map of our own design.
The growing of our souls and who we’ll become on our way there.
This article was previously published on Medium.
Maddie is a writer + voice-over artist. She’s a soon-to-be certified life coach through the JRNI program. Self-declared boxed wine aficionado. She’d love to hear all your thoughts at [email protected]