The dream and the trap

The Dream

For as far back as we can remember, a dream has been advertised to us.

This dream might have been called The American Dream, The Pursuit of Happiness, or something of the sort. It was a tale as old as time. Our parents told us this story – the same story their parents had told them. We heard grandiose stories and were dazzled with brilliant images of what the dream might look like. It included having a perfect family, a high-paying job we loved, and all the happiness in the world.

And who would not be sold on a dream image like that?

I fell for this dream and moved to Canada. In my eyes, Canada was the perfect country to manifest? “The Dream.”? It was a place where most people were happy, everything worked as it was supposed to, and anything was possible.

But after fourteen years of living “The Dream,” I woke up, and the reality hit me. I realized that “The Dream” was a trap. We were enticed with promises of something that never really existed for any of us. Sure, a select few were honored with “The Dream.” But most of us? We get trapped in an endless loop of herd-like mentality and consumption. Here’s how:

The Trap

I do not think I am jaded or alone in this discovery. Many people have woken up from “The Dream” and realized that reality does not match up to the story they have been telling themselves. Even worse, people who never reach their dreams but hustle every single day to get them, eventually look in the mirror and realize that something is severely amiss.?

I like to think of it as “The Trap.” This trap is an illusion of sorts, similar to the Wizard of Oz hiding behind a curtain, tricking people with bells and whistles, only for all to realize he is just an average man. And the trap has many parts and pieces.?

The House Trap

I have started and sold two companies in the real estate and mortgage industry in the past ten years. As an entrepreneur, I consider myself an expert in this industry. Moreover, I understand the other side of things. My family bought and sold several homes over the life of our “Dream.”

And why did we do this?

It was not because our first two houses were not grand enough, or were not luxurious enough, or were not meeting our specific needs. Society told us that owning a home is a must for you to achieve a more fulfilling lifestyle. Only successful people bought and owned homes. The latest statistics show that 89% of Millenials want to own a home. So this desire cannot be something we just made up, right?

The process was a copy and paste for us, too. It did not feel sketchy or gimmicky or like a trap at all. Initially, we would start by calculating our total income and taking into account our total savings. The calculation would let us know how much we might be able to spend on a home, potentially.??

Here is where the trap comes in.?

Let us assume that the shiny number that came out is one million dollars. Most people, even the most financially savvy people, would take this number and start looking for homes in the one million dollar range. In reality, it means you should have been looking for houses up to the one million dollar range. This is how the human brain functions. Guidance we receive from industry experts, who are supposed to be on your side, is the same.. They send you homes starting in the one million range.?

Once your mind is set on the one million dollar homes, there’s no turning back. You go through the entirety of the home buying process, which culminates with you getting the key to this beautiful $1M dream home. You and your family are very happy in your new house.?

So happy you do not realize that you are now trapped.

Because one million dollars means that fifty percent of your income will go to your home. Not just in the mortgage, it will go into the landscaping, heating, electricity, property ta and upkeep of your million-dollar home.

You have fallen into the housing trap. The consumption trap is next.?

The Consumption Trap?

We live in an economy that only survives through constant and persistent consumption.

At this point, it is undeniable.

Your big house will exacerbate your need to consume in a way you have never imagined. Now that you have a bigger house, you have more walls to decorate. You will also need to furnish each room with trendy furniture that matches the appeal of the home. Your expensive home will need the latest appliances and the newest electronics.?

You will also quickly realize that your neighborhood has standards - high standards that need decent money to match. You will feel the need to keep up with your neighbors. You will have to compete with their brilliant holiday displays and their new landscaping, maybe add a pool just like they have.?

All of this will bring happiness – that is for sure. But it is only temporary happiness. The painful consequences of this temporary high won’t end up worth it in the end. Consuming will put you into deep credit card debt and deplete any savings you may have, all for the sake of competing with the people around you.??

To compete with others, to fulfill your “Dream,” you have already fallen into the consumption trap. It is a bleak reality. But what is even worse is that we set our kids up in this same competitive trap, too. We expose them to the school system trap.

The School System Trap?

You must buy a house in a great school district. You must.?

It is the first thing they mention in family comedies when looking for a new house, and it is the same thing your best friend told you. Even your realtor has said it time and time again.

You assume that there is no option but to pick a great school district. You know it. You were forced to believe that if you do not send your kid to the best school district, you may be a bad parent after all. And if you consider anything other than traditional schooling? Yikes!

Everyone else in the neighborhood probably sends their kids to the same school, and the nice school district may have been a big reason you purchased your home in the first place. Since you are already there, you may feel pressured to send your children to traditional schooling. And at this point, with all the money you are spending on keeping up with the neighbors and paying your mortgage, you do not have the money to afford any of the “new wave” schooling options. Alternative or innovative education isn’t a choice because your capital is already “invested” in the house and what you need to buy.

You have forced your children into the school system trap by falling into the housing trap and the consumption trap. Our archaic education system was created during the industrial revolution and has not changed much since then. It was created with the sole purpose of keeping children busy at the lowest cost possible. It intended to free up the parents’ time to work and produce as much as possible to keep the economy going.

Maybe you think that going against the school system is a little dramatic, perhaps “too progressive”. Even if your school district has special programs for kids, modern discipline practices, iPads, and other hot technology, they still are a part of an archaic system that stifles the creativity of kids. These “improvements” are cosmetic, at best. Structurally, the school system is broken, and to fall into your “Dream,” you have trapped your beloved children.

Not to mention, you are now also bound to the school years calendar. This is how you get stuck in the vacation trap.??

The Vacation Trap?

The traditional school system keeps track of absences, and doesn’t appreciate when you take vacations outside of their window of allowance. Essentially, you are only allowed to take your children anywhere if it’s within the established holidays, spring break, or other school-mandated breaks.??

One time, before I woke up from “The Dream,” I tried asking my school principal if my five-year-old could miss a week of school. They looked at me like I was from another planet.? It was as if the quality time I hoped to spend with my children would have a terrible impact on their education.? It felt like they were ready to call Child Protective Services on me. So ultimately, the only opportunity to go on vacation is when your child’s school allows it.?

This is the system’s intention. It’s a supply and demand game. If everyone is out of school and able to go on vacation at the same time, things are going to be much more expensive when they travel. The flights to anywhere are double the price during the holiday season. The window schools give you to travel with your own children are the most expensive periods of the year.

Family time is important and showing your children the rich culture of the world is essential to a positive upbringing. You end up taking the vacation, paying the extra cost of the tickets, and going anyway. Usually by the end of it, you end up coming back more tired than when you left.

The Job & Retirement Trap?

Through all of this,? you and your spouse continue in your careers. You work hard – but not just work. You keep working extremely hard on your career, always looking for a raise, and praying for a promotion as the cost of living goes up. You also must seek career growth, even if you are comfortable in the position you have.

Sometimes people love their job. Most of the time, though, people are uncomfortable with their position and have other ideas about what they’d love to do. That’s hard to do without risking financial security. Even if your company’s values don’t align with yours or doesn’t have any flexibility for you or your family, you end up staying because you need the money. It is also common for people to neglect or completely ignore their hobbies or talents because they need to focus time and energy on their careers.

As you can imagine, this does not make for a happy employee. It is much easier to get burnt out, feel hopeless, and wonder how many days are left until retirement.?

My favorite question to ask the people I interview is what they see themselves doing during retirement. I’ve asked over five hundred people in the past ten years, and the answers are always telling. This question alone measures a candidate’s level of ambition and shows me their “Dream.” Often, their dream retirement is far from the reality they are living. They are waiting until they have earned enough money, time, or promotions to enjoy life.??

This, obviously, is a terrible idea.

If you wait too long to enjoy life, you are going to start compromising your ideals, and waiting until retirement is not a good idea. You give up on exploring the world during your prime years or on the opportunity to spend quality time with your children when they are young for something uncertain. What if you get sick before you can access your retirement? What if you lose your job and lose your benefits??

If you were following the saying, “Memento Moris”, live each moment as your last--is this how you would be living???

A Unique Time To Reconsider Your Possibilities?

We live in an unprecedented time of possibility.?

Maybe with the pandemic changing your life as you knew it, questions began to arise. You were working flexibly, remotely, and with the opportunity to go anywhere you wanted.

You might have started to wonder why you paid a big mortgage in an expensive city when you could literally work from anywhere. With no commute at all to your home office, you started to wonder why you would commute long hours in a car you pay way too much for if you didn’t have to. Spending time with your family, supporting your children through remote learning, and having the opportunity to be an active participant in their learning, might have you questioning the standard schooling system.?

In the pandemic, life became fragile. We were pushed to reconsider our assumptions about life. It forced families to rethink their day-to-day lives and revise their real priorities so that they could better enjoy the present moment. In an instant, most of us realized having a great retirement fund, and a whole retirement plan did not matter if we died tomorrow. We would live our entire lives waiting to retire before enjoying our time on planet Earth.

Many people awoke from “The Dream” around the same time the pandemic happened, and that is no coincidence. It was easy to realize we were trapped when society crumbled around us, and traditional notions of what is? acceptable were challenged. Companies let go of employees working with them for decades, schools neglected to support children with learning challenges, vacations we had been waiting for were canceled.?

It is a unique time to reconsider the possibilities of our lives. If you dared to dream, actually to dream, outside of the bounds of normalcy, what would you dream of? How would you dream boundlessly??

Boundless Life

When I officially woke up, I found like-minded people. My co-founders Elina, Marcos, Rekha, and I spent a lot of time reflecting on this. It was amazing to connect with others who had also woken up to realize they were not living the lives they had intended. Together, we conceptualized and dreamt up a better future for ourselves and our children.?

We are confident that now is the most optimal time to create a new way of living. So, we decided to develop Boundless Life.

Boundless Life exists because we want to empower people to have the fulfilling lives they deserve. By designing a lifestyle that empowers balance, growth, and deeper connections with ourselves, our families, nature, and the world, the most fulfilling versions of our life can be achieved.?

I am beyond grateful to have started this project. I cannot wait to share more information on Boundless and how our philosophy will change people’s lives.

If you have woken up from “The Dream” and are ready to start LIVING,, stay tuned. Check out our website for more like-minded individuals and remember, it is never too late to wake up.