The Dream Job hiding the Blood, Sweat and Tears in the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Getting the dream

The first time I saw a cufflink was at a “Meet the Partner” event at KPMG and I remember thinking to myself. OMG! My clothes are from Mr Price. The taxi dropped me off half an hour away. I walked in the hot sun. Do I smell? As wafts of strong male cologne enveloped me. And I know that my sock has a hole in it - I hope that my shoe doesn’t break. Oh ummm “Hello Walter, I’m Priya. Nice to meet you” as I clumsily held a bottle of water in my hand dripping from condensation.

And just like that I was thrust into a completely different world. Drinks with C-level executives, pretending to be an expert in my field and competing with colleagues from who went to private schools, and had a  strong support system who they could tap into at any time. But deep down, I knew nothing about networking or how to talk about luxury cars, gadgets and golf. I barely scraped through university because I had so many responsibilities that prevented me from focusing on my studies and really being that expert they expected me to be. I had to act as if money was not one of my biggest troubles as a newly employed professional - all while my colleagues boasted about the new car their parents bought for them or the investment products they planned on buying with their first paychecks. 

If you're wondering where that imposter syndrome comes from. It's from starting my career trying to fit into a completely different world. 

I was sold this dream. Well no one really sold it to me. It was more through scouring career books in the public library that I knew I needed to achieve. I needed to study good subjects, apply to university and pick the degree to which I had the highest points, get said degree and find a job so that I could buy things I always dreamed of - a house, a car, ??.

A job that was not the supermarket cashier or clothes retail salesperson that I spent my university years working in. A job that would make me happy.

But it wasn't all butterflies and roses. Little did I know that it would be more like blood, sweat and tears on the boulevard of broken dreams. 

Living the dream

“07:00 it is then. We’ll meet at the client offices in Sandton at 07:00, then continue to work from there for the day.” What! 07:00 - that means waking up at 04:00, after finishing work at 22:00, to be ready on time to leave at 05:30 to get to Sandton at 07:00.

Let me explain. This is what spatial segregation looks like. The distance between Lenasia and Sandton is 45km. 45km in traffic takes one and a half hours...on a good day. And I’m still late!!! I cry in the car after calling to say that I’m stuck in traffic. 

I get to the meeting at 07:30, flustered. The team leader of the project suggests “Just move closer to work so you don’t have to be stuck in traffic”

But if I move out from home, that means paying rent twice, groceries twice, everything twice. On my slave salary - I can’t afford that. 

I never say it out loud. I just endured the traffic, and tolerated the insincere comments. "It’s ok, I have good music to listen to," I say with a smile on my face. I had a basic car, which meant that listening to a podcast or audio book was not feasible. My basic car just meant more time to stress over whether I'd arrive in time.

Fulfilling the dream

If you resonate with any of this, here's some learnings from someone who's been there. 

1. You are not alone.

• Never be afraid to voice what you are going through. There is no need to be embarrassed or ashamed. Your past shapes you but you are shaping your future.
• Find your tribe of people with similar experiences so you can be there for each other. And if you truly do feel alone, you are not defined by your experiences. Let go and make new experiences with a diverse group of people. 

2. Call out privilege. 

• Recognising that this comes with some risk, it can be done tactfully, e.g. “I come from a home where I am the first person in my house to have a corporate job”. Let's normalise letting people know that some had it so much harder to get where they are. 

3. Educate yourself.

• Read as much as possible. You are on social media a lot. Maybe dedicate 1 hour to a good news publication - mine is the Financial Times - the company you work at normally has these subscriptions - leverage them. Or if they don’t, divvy up with a few friends at about R6,000 a year - you can divide this amongst 4 or 5 of you. My practice is to choose one article, read it, critically analyse it and sum it up in one sentence. The other benefit of having a good news publication is that you can get a general grasp of the world’s happenings. 
• This will give you the grounds to speak to anyone and a good conversation starter with a CEO. “I read this interesting article in the Financial Times this morning. The author used to be the governor of the Central Bank in [insert country name]. I found that they very strongly made the case for xxx. I support this 100%, but I do disagree with xxx of what she/he said about xyz. But overall, I think abc is a good concept. What do you think?”
• And if reading isn't for you, well we are spoiled for choice with radio, YouTube videos, podcasts and audiobooks. Find what works for you.

4. Exercise.

• Just do it! 
• Stop complaining!
• It will hurt for a week and then I promise, it will get better.
• Also a conversation point with the CEO - "oh, and on my run this morning, I caught the sunrise" (it is totally possible to do this btw)
• Or just be. Carve out some time for you and your thoughts. For reflection. You're something to everyone all the time. Allow yourself time to just be. In an Hindu household, you start every morning with closed eyes, looking towards the sun, feeling it's warmth, offering water to mother earth, deep breaths - just a few moments of calm before you conquer the day ahead. 

5. Be you.

• Was it Dr Seuss who said “you are you and there is no-one else that is youer than you”? You have the strength of resilience, perseverance, and grit. The most important skills that can only be built from experience.
• Do more introspection - capture your emotions - the more you hold them in, the bigger the monster they become.
• So what if you don't fit the mould? You're destined for greatness. YOU will create your own mould!

This article was inspired by a random thought of how lack of access to resources is normalised yet it has a huge impact on achieving success. In one weekend, hundreds flocked to the tweet sharing their own stories of how deep seemingly normal things from our backgrounds affects our ability to succeed and the impact on our mental health - despite the outward smiles on display. This is for every underprivileged person that is navigating the world. You've found your tribe. Join us as we share more every week and delve deeper into some of these problems. This is Chapter 1 and we're just getting started.

Co-authored by Priya Rowjee and Sandika Daya who met as corporate slaves, are bound by random thoughts and will one day be the superheroes that they can't physically draw but only they can see in their minds eyes.

Catch up with Priya on her LinkedIn page and on Twitter when she's not dreaming of solving the world's problems. Check out Sandika's professional stuff on LinkedIn and then her Twitter account where she freaks out about kicking ass at the professional stuff.