DREADING THE HOLIDAYS PART 6

Planning A Successful holiday – Creating Boundaries

Many parents have significant expectations of their children particularly around coming home to be with them for the holidays.

This is easier to manage when the children are single but as soon as you have a partner there are two sets of parents to satisfy.?It gets even more challenging when there are grandchildren involved.

Many people spend most of the holidays on the road trying to satisfy everyone else.?The limited-time spent at each venue leaves everyone feeling dissatisfied and those doing the traveling end up absolutely exhausted.

At a practical level, it is easy to identify a number of potential solutions.?

Each one of them requires you to set your boundaries out for all concerned in a loving and assertive way.?

Emotional blackmail, unfavourable comparisons with your siblings, tantrums and sulks are all common approaches from parents and children who want their own way.?

To achieve a successful outcome with as little drama as possible it is important that you handle the situation with thought and care.?Setting things out clearly, without getting het up and as early as possible makes things easier to handle.

It is easy where you enjoy being with the whole extended family and you have the room and the budget to invite everyone.

Where this isn’t your thing or it simply isn’t possible negotiating a holiday pattern can be helpful.?

For example:

Alternate years, with you and your partner’s parents, is a very common pattern and most parents can see the logic and fairness in this.?

Many people would like to spend the holidays with just their partner or immediate family or off on holiday.?

It is here that negotiating a three-year or even five-year cycle can work really well.?Year 1 with her parents, Year 2 with his, Year 3 just us, and so on.

The important thing here is to communicate and negotiate.?Rather than see it as winning or losing, look for a different solution that can satisfy all parties.?If that is not possible you will have to make a decision whether you are going to service the needs of others rather than doing what is right for you.

Creating a holiday celebration on a different day is also a good alternative.

It isn’t the arrangement that is the important message here but that you take control of your own life and state what you would like to happen, well in advance so people have time to come to terms with it.?

Reassuring those who are disappointed that you love them and that you will make the effort to see them around the holidays goes a long way to soften the blow.