The feedback sandwich - giving tough feedback between two pieces of appreciative feedback as a means to soften the blow - is a commonly used approach.
Did the feedback receiver ask you to share feedback with them in this way? If not, you've decided how they want to receive feedback.
Doing this has the following effects:
- It reduces clarity. You've effectively created two distractions to your message. Your listener may come away from the conversation confused about what they should take away, which will reduce the impact of the tough feedback.?
- It erodes trust. Doing this more than once could cause your listener to think your appreciations will always be followed by tough feedback. Even worse, people may start to believe that your appreciations are false, that they're only being shared as a means to make it easier for you to tell them something tough. It's a clever, but ineffective, method to avoiding difficult conversation, and it more often than not comes across as insincere.
- Have proactive conversations?with colleagues about how, when, and in what way you and they would prefer to receive feedback.
- Give feedback to people in the way they desire.
What to do if you haven't done that:
- Ask permission?to share feedback (where "feedback" is one piece of feedback) very soon after the event has occurred. More timely = more impactful.
- Describe what you saw?(the facts) like a video camera would capture it.
- Ask if they saw the same thing?and what their perception was.
- Briefly describe the impact on you, including what you might be telling yourself about the facts (the story).
- Ask for their story?about the facts.
- Invite them to join you as a partner?in sorting out the situation together.
