The Draw and Danger of Hyper-Speech: Talking Mindfully in a Fast-Paced/Speed-Talking World – Part I

An inability to make out the words in a video of an Orthodox Jewish character rapping on ice skates, prompts the Stress Doc to examine the reasons why there seems to be so much fast-talking these days … which leads him in a daze. What’s the motivation for or allure of rapid speech and, despite the popularity, what may be some dangers?

Clearly, speech and self-esteem or speech and psychological/emotional state walk or dance hand in hand – whether slow or fast. With further reflection, and also talking with a Millennial about contemporary techno- if not nano-speed, the complexity and immensity of the issue became increasingly apparent. So, I will briefly present my speculations on why many speak fast – from reasons technical to psychological. And close with some tips on why and how to present a more measured, yet still animated, passionate, and/or “get real” message.

Contributing Factors (and Dangers) to Hyper-Speech

 A. Seven External Hyper-Speech Variables

1. Fast Pace of Life

2. Faster is Better

3. Meeting Expectations and Quotas

4. Juggling too Many Things

5. More FOMO: Fear of Missing Out

6. Fast-Driving Addiction

7. Cultural/Familial/Geographical Speech Patterns

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B. Seven Internal Hyper-Speech Variables

1. Fueled by Anxiety and Anger, Loss and Shame

2. Trying to Impress

3. Trying to Confuse or Manipulate

4. Type A Personalities and Authority Position; Privilege, Domination and Control

5. Biochemical and Historical Motivation

6. When Animated or Passionate

7. Emotional Speed Skating on Thin Ice

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The Draw and Danger of Hyper-Speech: Talking Mindfully in a Fast-Paced/Speed-Talking World

As many of you know, it is the eight-day Jewish festival of lights holiday, Hanukkah.  (And, no, I never received presents for each day of the holiday.) Anyway, a good friend sent me a video of an Orthodox-Jewish-looking guy on ice-skates engaged in a rap song. (Don’t all Orthodox folks go ice-skating this time of year?) The only problem, in my advanced years, my ears no longer run as fast as folks rap. I enjoyed the beat, still, after a while, I had to give up. But then I started musing…

There are many people with whom/situations when I have laggard or slow-moving ears, unable to keep up with others “speed of sound.” I find most young people talk fast; I’m often asking sales and/or service people on the phone to repeat their words or slow down; several of my therapy clients speed talk, etc. Perhaps growing up in Type A New York City is a factor; also, having spent sixteen years in “devil may care/come what may” N’Awlins, likely has heightened my sensitivity to speech patterns, including speed and pacing. (Hey, I began to walk slower living in “The Big Easy.”) In fact, upon breaking into New Orleans radio and television, I was encouraged to find a speech coach. Mindful enunciation and tempo were critical.

And while I’m free associating, going to remedial speech class in fourth grade to correct obvious lisping likely contributes to some sensitivity around speech in general. Clearly, speech and self-esteem or speech and psychological/emotional state walk or dance hand in hand – whether slow or fast. With further reflection, and also talking with a Millennial about contemporary techno- if not nano-speed, the complexity and immensity of the issue became increasingly apparent. So, I will briefly present my speculations on why many speak fast – from reasons technical to psychological. And close with some tips on why and how to present a more measured, yet still animated, passionate, and/or “get real” message.

Contributing Factors (and Dangers) to Hyper-Speech: External and Internal Variables

Fast Foreword

FYI, being a psychobabble type, not surprisingly, I tend to expend more words and analysis on the “Internal Hyper-Speech Variables.” However, the same good friend and editor who sent me the video clip referenced in the beginning of this article, had another take. One, in hindsight, I must admit that was quite prescient. Let me quote her, and as may be apparent, she herself, a former science teacher, is a fine writer: “The external variables exploration seems thorough and thoughtful, presented in a logical hierarchy. Had you stopped there … my assessment would have been that while the writing itself is evidence of a substantial level of mastery, the content of that list, with the exception of the final item [7. Cultural/Familial/Geographical Speech Patterns], did not engage me in a fashion I usually experience when reading your work.

Upon further examination, I understand why. The brevity of those first six items illustrates your thesis: short-sweet-and-to-the point, sparse in verbiage, git-r-done and over with, an expeditious perusal of those factors. It is not your expression that irritates me; it is the experience of life lived too quickly.

I embrace your exploration of the items on the second list. That you dig deeply into the interior factors stimulates thoughts at a pace encouraging thorough and measured consideration; that you illustrate (most of the) elements with personal experience serves to inspire the reader’s identification with your arguments.” This writer will return to my reviewer’s observations. For now, suffice to say, when posting on social media, I am conscious about the prolixity or length of my posts, knowing full well that many readers have unlimited reading choices as well as limited time and/or attention spans for long-worded, much less winded, articles. (And, yes, borderline run-on sentences are always a challenge!)

A. Seven External Hyper-Speech Variables

1. Fast Pace of Life. As the technological revolution advances, most of us are being swept up by the rapid current: we have to keep paddling faster and faster to keep up. At some point we start feeling this hurried, non-stop pace is normal. Instant gratification suddenly takes way too long! Actually, our mind-body habituates to that adrenaline rush and levels… until we crash on the rocks hidden in the rapids! 

2. Faster is Better. As my Millennial friend noted, “We all want faster Internet speed, for streaming, programs, video games, etc.” Hey, my new smart phone enables greater efficiency with all kinds of operations. Of course, my head too often gets buried in the phone, putting me behind on various tasks and projects.

3. Meeting Expectations, Quotas, and Impatience. Along with a faster pace, we are often “doing more with less.” “Hey, you have to be firing on all cylinders if you’re going to meet that quota.” Without “speed” can there be life after deadlines? We also expect systems and people to be more responsive to our needs, which quickly evokes frustration and impatience when we are left “hanging.” (How’s that for a provocative association?) How many really enjoy listening to that background Muzak while on hold?

4. Juggling too Many Things. If you don’t move quick, those balls in the air will come crashing down. Unfortunately, too many are driven by a scan and microwave mindset. And speaking of microwave mindset, with all those items on my plate, eating fast is a necessity, if I’m to ever going to get back to what was driving me crazy in the first place. Who has the time (or the attention-span) for careful preparation, real presence, and thoughtful engagement? In fact, research indicates that multi-tasking involving other than mindless tasks is an illusion: we are “shift tasking,” rapidly alternating our focus. We don’t effectively concentrate on any of our tasks, enhancing the likelihood of error and minimizing the chance for new or creative insights. 

5. More FOMO: Fear of Missing Out. If I linger in one place too long, who knows what I’ll be missing. My status and coolness are on the line. I have to keep up or I’m out of the loop, even if I’m starting to feel kinda loopy!

6. Fast-Driving Addiction. Read a recent article claiming that based on roadway evidence, we are a nation of drivers addicted to speed and speeding. Pretty easy to confirm this observation. Almost all appear to be rushing somewhere, obviously extremely important.

7. Cultural/Familial/Geographical Speech Patterns.  In our families and at school, we learn speed habits at an early age, including speech patterns. Not to mention the student that solves the math problem the fastest gets the gold star. Of course, we have adult and peer role models throughout the life cycle, some of whom may be “hyper.” And certain roles only reinforce these habits, e.g., those folks on the floor of the stock exchange, yelling aloud, bids and numbers flying by. Or, fast rapping/slanging; abbreviations and all-manner of acronyms definitely add to vocal velocity.

Conversely, perhaps one of the reasons my years down south fascinated was being enveloped by that slowly unfolding, soothing and sultry Southern drawl, along with the variety of regional accents, colloquial expressions, and speech patterns.  Another cultural example: many decades ago, on a flight from NYC to New Orleans, I happened to be sitting next to a banker from New York.  Feeder lines at banks were just being introduced, and became the subject of our conversation.  His focus was on the speed of service that feeder lines would provide. In my New Orleans bank, I recalled the appeal being framed as greater privacy and a more personalized encounter with the teller; no other customer standing right behind you crowding your space or pushing your pace. Talk about North-South cultural diversity!

B. Seven Internal Hyper-Speech Variables

1. Fueled by Anxiety and Anger, Loss and Shame.  We all know people who talk fast when anxious or angry. These folks often feel out of control – for example, threatened, helpless, ashamed, ignored, rejected or disrespected – and it’s as if their words are racing to catch up with their emotions. I see this with some of my clients, especially when showing signs of aggression, obsession, and impulsivity. And sometimes rapid speech is a compensation for impairment and, ironically, adds fuel to a seething or smoldering fire. 

Let me explain. Barbara has an adult-onset speech impairment caused by a stroke or some kind of brain condition. (The client’s name has been changed.) She has difficulty aligning her thoughts and words; her speech can come out in a confused manner. She often talks fast, not just because she is anxious and self-conscious of her speech, but she talks rapidly so others won’t judge her to be mentally “slow,” that is, lacking intelligence. (Her intelligence, especially her emotional intelligence, is not just obvious to me, but to one and all in our therapy group.) Sadly, the faster she talks, the more unintelligible her message. Of course, I acknowledge and empathize with her painful sense of faculty loss. At the same time, I am encouraging her to accept that talking with a measured pace not only enhances her clarity, but can be a sign of thoughtfulness and seriousness, a little gravitas.

2. Trying to Impress. Some people talk fast as a way of impressing you with their alacrity, capacity for memorization, and verbal dexterity, for example, folks who do speed versions of all twelve segments of the Christmas favorite, “A Partridge in a Pear Tree.” (As a kid, we even had speed contests reading Jewish prayers or songs in Hebrew School.) Others don’t need special occasions to be on stage, or to dazzle or impress with their clever and concentrated “rap” (as in rapid) delivery. With the right message, a fast-talker can be mesmerizing; can shoot from the lip! Clearly, this also can be a way to “kill” an audience or seduce a mind and/or body.

3. Trying to Confuse or Manipulate. The goal of fast-talking can also be to distract or disorient a listener. Speed when paired with a seemingly self-assured delivery, can be powerful if not daunting. A less than confident receiver may not want to admit a lack of knowledge and/or that they are not following this premeditated performer or huckster. (Of course, some listeners hold their tongue out of civility or “no need to be right” certainty.) However, a lot of individual or audience head-nodding or silence may be an attempt to disguise confusion, may be habitual politeness, or suggest feelings of inadequacy. People pleasers and those conflict-averse or codependent tend to stifle their genuine voice. And alas, as evidenced in today’s political arena, there’s considerable “Kool-Ade” cult-like groupthink.

Conversely, with maturity, I’m getting good at asking people constructively to slow down: Not using the judgmental “You-Message,” that is, “You’re talking too fast,” but, with self-effacing humor: “My ears don’t run like they used to.”  Ego is less an obstacle: “I’m not sure what you are saying” or “Help me understand your point.”

4. Type A Personalities and Authority Position; Privilege, Domination and Control. Type “A” individuals (especially those not satisfied unless they are Type A+ ??) tend to be impatient and aggressive. Clearly, this is a hyped-up formula for speed and non-stop talking, not to mention volume. And when Type A’s are in authority positions, it’s easy for them to become “know it all’s.” These individuals not only like to control, but need to believe they are “the smartest guy or gal in the room.” And sometimes it’s not just inflated ego or arrogance, but perceptual bias: These “Authoritative Types” are not sufficiently aware that their high status or advantageous position affords them privileges, resources, access, and data that others may not have or must struggle to obtain. Of course, for these competitive types, dominance is their destiny. It’s the “survival of the fittest (and fastest).” It’s hard not to be seduced by a belief in one’s superiority or at least, noblesse oblige. Now some talk fast to impart all their critical knowledge and wisdom for those less capable, naturally endowed, or fortunate. 

5. Biochemical and Historical Motivation. Not surprisingly, there is some overlap between categories. Personality and biochemistry often interact. Bipolar or hypomanic types – whether colleagues or clients – tend to talk fast and seemingly can’t help but dominate the conversation. They often are intriguing conversationalists, so sitting back and playing audience is not surprising or, for the most part, too painful. However, these individuals often don’t like to share the stage or be interrupted, especially when frustrated or when trying to speak their mind. My sense is that growing up these folks felt people – whether at home and/or at school – tried to stifle their thoughts and feelings, demanding conformity or obedience. (Achieving give-and-take conversation can be challenging. Obviously, there can be a fine – or, not so fine – line between stifling and setting appropriate limits. With clients having a propensity for non-stop talking, we’ve negotiated using hand signals – perhaps raising a finger, no, not that finger – to indicate a need to reach message closure as well as the listener’s desire to respond or contribute.)

 6. When Animated or Passionate. Again, potential category interaction influencing speed and sound. Animation may reflect nature or nurture – a high energy, passionate individual (personal attribution) or a compelling stimulus or environment (situational attribution). Actually, animation is often a dance between intrinsic motivation and external issue or setting of import. As a public speaker, I’m energized both by subject matter and audience size; there’s person-situation synergy. ((Not surprisingly, I began speaking on stress and burnout after burning out on an ill-advised (for academia) yet life-changing (for me, personally) highly creative yet “off the academic wall” dissertation topic. I called it, “When academic flashdancing whirled to a burnout tango.” Yes, I was denying the doctoral realities and eventually cycled out of control and out of the program.))

Actually, social psychology research affirms that audience size tends to bring out dominant behavioral tendencies. In other words, a speaker who is well-rehearsed, positively juiced for the presentational moment, will perform better as an audience grows in size. One ill-prepared will perform worse. A prepared fast-talker will likely increase in speed and sharpness; an ill-prepared counterpart likely will trip and stumble over his words. Or, perhaps, choke on or regurgitate them, especially when one is compulsively driven to pose and posture, as opposed to thoughtfully clarify a position. Think of Trump during the recent first presidential debate; he was an interrupting bully on steroids, clueless and/or unconcerned about the impression he was making! Or even worse, believing being a Type A Hog was a winning debate/leadership style.

Finally, I’d like to further scrutinize the word “passion.” Passion is not just the three-letter “s”-word, which of course has been known to generate excitement and intensity, to speed things – both up and down, as it were! ?? But the passion “s”-word I want to talk about is the nine-letter variety – suffering – as in the sufferings of Jesus or, more generically, the sufferings of a martyr. (Imagine, who knew my Jewish mother was such a passionate woman. Just kidding, mom!) My hypothesis is that when we are aware of the source of our suffering, have faced if not embraced our pain, then we can harness this energy. With practice, with facing our fears, we gain fledgling courage and growing confidence. We start moving more fluidly, emote and articulate knowingly, dear I say “passionately,” in responsive time and tempo with the circumstances; we can do fast and slow as needed. There is a mindful integration of head and heart!

However, when we try to block out or numb this personal/psychological pain, we often talk guardedly or grudgingly; perhaps, engage in avoidance or flight, running from threatening people, places, and experiences. (Don’t get me started on my years as a techno-phobe. But I have grappled and made some progress. As I like to say, when it comes to technology, I’m no longer a dinosaur… more an early-stage mammal! ??) But, when hiding or numbing, in fact, we are mostly running, alas, from ourselves… which leads us to our last item.

7. Emotional Speed Skating on Thin Ice. In a way, all that’s come before has been prologue for “Internal Hyper-Speech Variable #7. As noted, fast-talking may be a sign of passion or excitement; trying to wow, inspire, or mesmerize. Or, it may be our “modus verbosus” (my latest invention) when angry, when needing to control, to have the last word, or “be right”; or trying to drown out or talk over an antagonist. However, as we’ve observed, fast talking helps distract from here-and-now uncomfortable or anxious states of being, doing, and experiencing. It can provide a cover-up, reinforcing one’s own lack of awareness or denial. Superficial speed-talking can be a tool for diverting and manipulating others. However, there are two other purposes that deserve underscoring:

a) Speed Talking as Self-Numbing/Distracting. In my estimation, the fastest speed skating tends to occur when trying to numb sensitive or poignant childhood emotional trauma and hurt. We don’t want to slow down, don’t want to risk touching or going over an old psychic wound, risk connecting to painful associations and/or overwhelming feelings from the past. (In my personal and professional travels, memories of physical, verbal, and/or sexual abuse, peer taunting and bullying, and literal or emotional abandonment, premature loss and death, are often the wounded, volatile hot spots.) We prefer to skate on the surface, not get deep; slowing down means pausing and feeling the shadow side, that which lurks within. “Oh, no… the thin ice below (our psychological defenses) is starting to give, to shatter and crack…. Sinking into a deep dark well of pain; I’ll never get out, I won’t ever feel safe, perhaps the tears will never stop!”

b) Speed Talking for Interpersonal Boundary Breaking and Social Distancing. Rapid and slick banter may indicate one is trying to impress or capture the head and heart of another. Rapid and angry or “I know the truth” messaging may be trying to fortify one’s own shaky belief along with challenging or browbeating the other party. Speed talking can be a tool for trying to invade another’s personal space, wanting to forge an unhealthy level of closeness; desperately needing to resolve any differences or uncertainty quickly. We observe this, for example, when the person’s intense expression of love, “how important you are to me, we must be together (forever)” is an indicator of unhealthy dependency and a lack of self-awareness or diminished sense of worthiness.

Of course, the inverse may apply: when rapid talking is a way of covering up fear or conflicted emotions about love and intimacy. Now one is distant, stays superficial, rationalizes why things aren’t working out, uses being clever as a distraction or shield, “I just wasn’t ready,” or simply runs away. “Is this all there is?” is really a cover for “Is this all I am?” To grow we must do our head work, heart work, and homework. Working to achieve greater authenticity and honesty, integrity and wholeness (I can face, embrace, and evolve my past and present “good, bad, and ugly”) in self-awareness and self-expression. This is courageous vulnerability; this is the foundation for healthy relationship intimacy: To be one's fullest self without being full of one's self!

And Part II will provide some tools and tips for harnessing fast talking into more measured – mindful and meaningful, even mirthful, messaging.

Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ?, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote and webinar speaker and "Motivational Psychohumorist” known for his Get FIT – FUN-Interactive-Thought-provoking – programs for both government agencies and major corporations. In conjunction with Legal Estrin Staffing, the Doc has been co-leading Stress Resilience/COVID-19 Webinars and an HR/Legal/Manager Support Group, and continues to lead Stress Resilience, Diversity/Inclusion, and Team Building programs. Having taught Crisis Intervention for ten years at Tulane Univ. Graduate School of Social Work, he has been a Stress/Critical Incident Consultant for various organizations and for the Nepali Community in the BWI area. He has run numerous Stress Resilience & Team Building Leadership Retreats for the US Army. Mark is definitely battle-tested as a former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service. He is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a Hi-Tech World. See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email [email protected] or call 301-875-2567.