The dramas we create

“I have lived a long life and had many dramas, most of which never happened” — Mark Twain

I find this quote so powerful and that it tells a true story of the internal dramas that we create to overwhelm ourselves.

Whenever we have the opportunity of taking on a new challenge I believe we are faced with two options. Either we can allow the mountain like appearance of the task at hand to coerce us into a numbing state of overwhelm or we can decide to shift our perspective to create a new reality and take responsibility for logically processing the requirements of the challenge and prioritising them in order of importance.

My on-going battle with mental health has heightened this sense of overwhelm in many major challenges I have taken on in my life and I wanted to share some observations from this experience.

#1 — Not having enough time.

In one of my past ventures I used to zap around the centre Of Edinburgh daily and I managed to convince myself that I never had enough time for anything. Trying to find a parking space, when I’m running late for an appointment, don’t think so, I’ll park on this single yellow line. Fate would have it, on return to my questionable parking space I found no car as it had been uplifted and taken to the compound. It took me 3 hours to get the car collected and I missed all my appointments that day.

Another example was my shabby laptop which was 10 years old most likely powered by a hamster on a wheel and on average would take 20 minutes to start up. I don’t have the time (or the money) to go buy a new laptop I told myself and I managed to put off buying one for 2 years. That is 14,600 minutes wasted on waiting on my laptop to start up. Talk about opportunity cost!

When we are forced to do something, suddenly the time becomes available. We manage to talk ourselves into believing that there isn’t enough time to do anything where as actually there is infinite time, it’s just a matter of priority.

Applying this train of thought to new challenges and the overwhelm associated with them, there is always enough time to do the things that are important and we can save ourselves a lot of time (and effort) by being frank about what priority certain tasks take in our life. The exciting thing is that we have a choice.

#2 — If you’re going to make it up, make it good.

My regular state of overwhelm comes from a place of insecurity, one where I feel I am an impostor in my role as a leader and that I don’t really know what I’m doing and perhaps underqualified. You will see a lot of this undercurrent in my writing as I battle my lack of self-belief. Interestingly in my journeys through entrepreneurship, I have been lucky enough to meet and listen to some of my generations best entrepreneurs, a collection of people that are building their careers in a time where technology and advancements are moving faster than ever, and do you want to know the thing that they all openly admit too? “They have no idea what they are doing” and they also feel like imposters in their own success story. Honestly, I have heard this more times than not, and the times when they don’t admit it is because their ego is a little too big to reveal anything that could be perceived as weakness. (For context though, I feel it’s important I add that these people are some of the hardest working and most aggressive learners and problem solvers I have met. Simply they rarely know the solution to a problem but by god they will learn and problem solve until they do or die, whatever comes first)

I think a key part of digesting the appearance of the large challenges we face and breaking them down into manageable chunks is actually facing up to the fact that no one has a bloody clue what they are doing.

Then we need to consider self-talk. Often when we suffer from imposter syndrome we seek external advice, guidance and even coaching but I believe that we need to look within first. What you are telling yourself, more so than what others are telling you, has the biggest impact on your life. If thoughts actually do become things, and no one has a clue what’s going on, and everyone is so conflicted and torn about who we are as humans and why we are on this planet, then why, in a million years would you choose to paint a bleak picture and tell yourself these negative stories about yourself! If you are going to make it up, which is what all this overwhelming stress really is, then at least make it bloody good! Try telling yourself how lucky you are, how amazing life is, how grateful you are, how opportunity is around the corner.

Try it, and maybe things might just begin to change. What do you have to lose?

#3 — Taking on more than you can chew

We get great at convincing ourselves that if we don’t do everything, the world around us will fall apart. Firstly, like above, this is just a story we are creating in our minds. Secondly, it’s a bit egotistical to think that we are really that important is it not? I’m not sure the world will stop turning if you don’t instantly reply to an email from a client. I think it’s important to get a fresh perspective on things here.

Ask yourself how the world’s most successful people manage to thrive? Is it because they work 24/7 and do every single task at hand until it grinds them into the ground? Nope, it is the polar opposite:

1.) They say NO to 9 out of 10 opportunities and get crystal clear on the few tasks that have the highest priority to deliver the most value and impact in their roles and lives.

2.) They delegate. Whatever they say NO to doesn’t just get forgotten about, it gets delegated or outsourced.

3.) They look happy. Though it seems incomprehensible to us mere mortals how they manage to juggle such responsibility and still find balance in their lives. My assessment is that they have become through necessity, very good at managing their self-talk and energy levels. They have realised that they can’t guess what the future will bring so they may as well think of it in a positive light (and continue to learn). And to avoid crashing and burning, they need to manage their time and energy with a fine toothcomb being careful not to give to much all at once because ultimately sustainability and longevity is the aim of the game.

I think it’s important to treat yourself like number one. Put your priorities first in line, and once you have your own house in order, I.e you are managing your energy and time efficiently, only then can you go out and make a positive impact on the world.

Other peoples need’s (emails, demands, problems etc etc) can occupy several lifetimes of your attention, and if you let them they will.

I wanted to finish this piece with a quote that I came across on a visit to the beautiful banks of Loch Lomond a few years back, and It has stuck with me since:

“The measure of a man is not determined by his show of outward strength, or the volume of his voice, or the thunder of his action. It is to be seen, rather, in terms of the nature and depth of his commitments, the genuineness of his friendships, the sincerity of his purpose, the quiet courage of his convictions, his capacity to suffer, and his willingness to continue growing up”

-John Sheridan Dye.

Thanks for taking the time to read, all comments, feedback and questions welcome.