Dr. Michael Gervais: Stop Worrying About What Everyone Else Thinks of You

Everyday Better is LinkedIn News’ weekly personal development podcast and weekly newsletter hosted by Leah Smart, a LinkedIn News Editor . You’ll hear from some of the world's brightest minds and bravest hearts who use science and story to share strategies for how we can flourish individually, in relationship to others and to the world around us. We talk about improving emotional, work, physical and relational health. Subscribe to the show's newsletter for weekly evidence-backed strategies to make your life better, one day at a time.

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This Week on Everyday Better

What would you do differently if you weren’t afraid of (most) people’s opinions of you?

Michael Gervais is a renowned performance psychologist with a focus on the path to self-mastery and being our best in any environment. His guidance is informed not just by years of psychological study, but by his work with the world's top professional athletes, Olympians, and executives. Although most of us don’t wake up every day facing the same expectations as an Olympian, we do share a common experience: worrying about what other people think of us while striving to do our best.

Fear of Other People's Opinions

From coworkers and clients to other parents and neighbors, there is a seductive pull to focus less on what matters to us and more on how we're perceived. Dr. Gervais argues that this is the first obstacle when it comes to self-mastery. His recent book, The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying about What People Think of You , introduces the concept of FOPO–Fear of Other People's Opinions. This week, Michael opened his self-mastery toolkit to show us how to level up with psychological skills, mindset training, and self-talk.

Along with providing clear ways to minimize FOPO, he explained that self-mastery is a never-ending process of becoming more self-aware, deciding who you want to be, and making changes that reflect what matters most to you. He says it's a big step in unlocking individual and collective potential, which is often forgotten but incredibly important.

Understand Where You Derive Self-Worth From

In his book, Michael explains that many of us externalize our sense of value in one or more areas, making our self-worth conditional rather than inherent. To start shifting this perception, identify the areas where you're most vulnerable. Consider which of these resonate with you:

• Social Approval: My self-worth is contingent upon being accepted, appreciated, and validated.
• Workplace: My self-worth is based on my performance at work.
• Money: My self-worth is linked to perceptions of financial wealth.
• Academics: My self-worth depends on scholastic achievement.
• Appearance: My self-worth is tied to meeting cultural standards of attractiveness.
• Social Comparison: My self-worth is based on being "better" than others in certain areas.
• Virtue: My self-worth is connected to being a virtuous person.
• Parenting: My self-worth is derived from my child's accomplishments and well-being.
• Power: My self-worth hinges on my sense of power.
• God's Love: My self-worth is dependent on God's love.
• Family Approval: My self-worth is tied to complying with my family's desires.

Create a Personal Philosophy

While there are many ways to understand why you hold these beliefs, Michael advises against overcomplicating the issue. The best antidote to outsourced self-worth is simply recognizing that you are worthy exactly as you are. Your value comes from your being, not your doing. One way to practice this is by creating a living statement that expresses your values and inherent worth.

What statement encapsulates who you'd like to be and how you want to operate daily? Many people have a sense of their values but are missing a daily reminder to stay aligned with them. That's where a personal philosophy comes in, offering guidance and freeing you from the opinions of those who matter the least.

This statement should be concise, typically less than 25 words, memorable, and deeply connected to who you are. As Michael says, it needs to resonate with you. Here's how to get started:

• Brainstorm: Think about 20-30 words that resonate with you.
• Inspiration: Consider quotes that inspire you.
• Role Models: Reflect on people you admire and why.

Use these elements to draft a personal philosophy and test it with family and friends. Once it's complete, commit it to memory and make a commitment to remind yourself of it every day, especially in moments of FOPO or high stress.

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Study: The Spotlight Effect in Social Judgment

Video: Mastery Mindset AMA with Michael Gervais

Podcast: Listen to Michael Gervais' podcast "Finding Mastery"

You might be interested in these other topics related to self-mastery:

• Conquering Everyday Anxiety: How to Understand and Manage Your Stress
• Finding Our Purpose Through Ikigai

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Everyday Better is LinkedIn News’ weekly personal development podcast hosted by Leah Smart , a LinkedIn News Editor. You’ll hear from some of the worlds brightest minds and bravest hearts about how to live with more clarity and intention every day, in and out of work. Subscribe to the show's newsletter .

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