Downsize Stress by Changing Your Self-Talk

By Jim Madrid

?For many of us, life means major stress, on a daily basis.? I have heard many people say “Times are tough, These are difficult times, These are challenging times.”

?If you’re trying to build a career in a competitive field, chances are you’re also trying to deal with too much stress. ?That goes double if you’re trying to raise kids, care for aging parents, or cope with health problems, financial strain, or family troubles.

?The many faces of stress

Stress can be exhilarating or exhausting, motivating or draining, depending on its cause and our response to it, but the effects of chronic/severe stress are usually debilitating.? These effects can be different for everyone, but commonly include anxiety, depression, sleep disturbances, over consumption of food/alcohol/drugs, chronic inflammations or headaches, allergies, irritability, trouble concentrating, digestive difficulties, and a compromised immune system.? Together or one at a time, they keep us balancing on the edge of burnout and, ultimately, make everything we do harder and less satisfying.? Until we decide to do something about it.

?Words can create stress or bring calm

There are many things we can do to dissipate stress and create a calm, competent mental state instead.? Vigorous physical exercise, meditation, massage, deep breathing, all offer relief.? Affirmations offer that and a great deal more.?

?Scientists studying stress have shown that affirmations can be effective in “inoculating” people against stressful situations. No doubt you know this from your own experience. If you think back to a time when you were frightened as a child, or to a time when you yourself were soothing a frightened child, you’ll probably remember the effect of words: some words made things better, some made things worse, some seemed almost magical.? It’s no different now.? Fear-reducing statements help us relax and feel calm and safe; that’s why emergency health care workers are trained to use them. ?Why not train yourself to use them, too?? It’s easy.

?If you know you have a stressful situation coming up and you want to stay cool and confident, here’s a stress-busting strategy guaranteed to help:

1. Think about the situation and about what you’ll have to do.? Then, develop and write out a plan to deal with it, focusing only on what you can do about it.? Allow yourself rational thinking only -- no negative self-statements, no worrying.
2. As part of your plan, develop six affirmations designed to help you feel calm and confident.? Examples: I meet this challenge.? One step at a time.? My anxiety is part excitement.? I always grow when I face my fears.? I am focused and present.? I do what I have to do. I will get through this and be better for it.
3. Pause for stress and fear.? When they show up, as they are likely to, just pause.? You don’t have to react.? Observe.? Label your feeling from one to ten and watch it change.? Then call in your trusty brain; fear can be reasoned away. ?Remind yourself of what you want in this situation, why you are doing it.? Remember your breathing, make sure it stays full.
4. When you come out the other side, make sure your self-talk stays positive.? It worked.? I did it.? That wasn’t so bad.? I learned something.? Wait until I tell my wife about this.? I made more out of that fear that it was worth.? Most stress is in my head.? I control my thoughts and control my stress.?

Jim’s Gems: Whatever you want to achieve, experience, or feel, start by putting it into words.

The words we use, out loud and silently in the form of thoughts, to describe and explain ourselves and the world around us are more powerful than most people realize. ?When we choose these words, called self-talk, we also shape our self-image, regulate our behavior, determine who we love and who will love us, define our comfort zone and our sphere of influence, affect our physical and financial health…and much more.?

Do you want to be more relaxed and calm?? Imagine how that feels, and describe it to yourself:? In stressful situations, I remain relaxed and calm.? I do what I need to do, even under pressure.? I express understanding when I can’t express agreement. ?Write a few affirmations like these, words that nail it for you, words that simply and clearly say what you want for yourself.? Put them in front of your eyes and your mind on a daily basis, more often if you’re in a hurry.

Do you want to feel more confident?? Imagine how confidence feels, and describe it to yourself:? I believe in myself and in learning from mistakes.? I can learn anything I need to know.? The more I try, the more I learn and grow.? Write a few affirmations for whatever you want to have or experience or be. Of course, just mouthing the words is a waste of time; this isn’t mumbo-jumbo – it’s science.? But if you summon genuine feeling to go with the words when you say them, and you do it diligently, you can make something that seems like magic happen.

?Wise Words: Not everything that counts can be counted.? Not everything that can be counted counts.? –Albert Einstein.

Experiment: Watch What Comes Out and what Goes In

?Are you sometimes surprised by what comes out of your own mouth?? This month, just as an experiment, make a concerted effort to control your self-talk.? Pay special attention to things you do routinely – things that don’t get your attention anymore because they’ve become second nature.? What do you generally say to the guy who gets your latte?? What do you say to your coworkers?? How do you usually talk to yourself?? Is it positively, negatively, or neutral?? How do your words and thoughts generally make you feel?? If you were to walk by a mirror and catch a glimpse of your own face at a random moment, how would it look?? Would you more likely look pleased or worried?? Sad or cheerful?? Tense or friendly?

Make a focused, determined effort to “watch your language” this month.? Make the words that come out of your mouth and the words that stay in your mind, for the next 30 days, be words of honesty, kindness, confidence and hope.? See what happens.

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