Dousing the flames of Introvert Burnout
Joanna Rawbone
Helping organisations unlock potential by shifting extraversion bias | Coaching quiet leaders | TEDx Speaker | Trainer
Those of you who have followed my journey for a while will know that I experienced a severe case of Introvert Burnout back in the early noughties.
As I reclaimed my sanity and re-entered the world, I realized that I needed to better understand what had happened to me so I wouldn’t venture onto the same slippery slope again.
So far, so good, and I’ve been mindful of my desire to overdeliver and my tendency to put my own self-care on the back burner.
Until now.
So, I’m sharing my salutary tale as both a warning and as help for my fellow introverts who recognise the helter-skelter to burnout and who accept that they need to jump off before hitting the ground.
I promise you that staying on the coir mats all the way to the bottom is not the best option.
The reality is that we can stop ourselves from being consumed by the flames of introvert burnout!?
Let me share some simple steps for you to follow so you can prevent your own burnout. But, you have to take the steps; I can show you the way but I can’t do the work for you.
The big question is, how much do you want to quench or douse those flames? How different will your life be without the threat of burnout? Take a moment to imagine that with me now.
? How will you feel?
? How will you be able to show up more consistently in your work? How will your personal life improve?
Given the perpetual change we’re experiencing, I propose none of us can afford not to take these steps.
We’re still right in the thick of what Dawna Jones refers to as a VUCA environment; Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous. And I’m not sure it will ever be much different, so, we need to be in a good place personally to deal with the ongoing global situations.?
You may be saying to yourself,
“It’s impossible! Surely burnout is inevitable as an introvert!”
And you’re right, well, partly right anyway.? It is inevitable if you carry on doing what you’ve always done; therein lies madness.
I’m an Infinite Possibilities trainer, certified by Mike Dooley, he of Notes from The Universe & TUT fame, so I work from the premise that nothing is really impossible.?
It may feel like it sometimes until we take the time to find a workaround. And as introverts, we’re nothing if not resourceful, creative problem solvers. We’ve had to be!
Or perhaps you’re thinking,
“Burn-out has been such a repeating pattern in my life, I can’t imagine not going there!”
If that’s you, then do carry on reading until the end. Not only will you be able to imagine your life without burnout, but as Thoughts become Things, you’ll have the first steps of your new blueprint to take you there.
How can I say this with any confidence? Because I’ve felt the flames of burn-out lick my very soul, and on more than one occasion. More worryingly, I can see the glow and feel the heat from the flames approaching me again right now.
When my burnout rendered me incapable of more than rising in the morning and barely functioning for the rest of the day, I knew I was in big trouble.
Slowly but surely though, with enough time to myself giving me the chance to really replenish, I came back to myself and found the embers had cooled completely.? But by then, I had no business, no pipeline, no queue of clients asking me to work with them.
Fortunately, the big nudge came from a former colleague who needed someone to co-deliver a women’s development programme with him. This enabled me to kick over the remnants of my burnout fire to reveal the promising new shoots beneath. They were such a welcome sight!
Clearly, one of the things that quenched the flames and roused me from my burnout was rediscovering my purpose and passion. I’ve said for some time that Purpose and Passion trump Fear, and now it seems that they’re also good burnout extinguishers!
That was the beginning of my return, and yet still, it took quite some time to recover my full presence. That’s when I committed to never take the trip to the bottom again.?
On reflection, I began to recognise that there was a specific pattern for me, a clearly defined route from OK through to burn-out, via overwhelm, then introvert hangover.
Having recognised my pattern, I committed to really notice the clues from my mind and body, in the service of fire prevention.
When I spend too long in a stimulating environment where there's too much going on around me, I start to close off and withdraw; mentally, emotionally & physically.?? When I'm overwhelmed, all 'peopled out', and my batteries are depleted to beyond empty, I retreat or withdraw. When you see me closedown chances are I’m already in or approaching overwhelm. I’m practising self-care by taking a moment.
I’ll use one of my Brilliant Battery Booster tools or techniques, especially if I need to keep going until the end of the day. They work like the emergency battery packs you get for your phone, the ones that give you a couple of extra hours of juice, provided you’ve charged them, of course!
If, in spite of my best efforts and my best techniques, my overwhelm becomes protracted, I know that I’m en-route to my introvert hangover.
Now I'm sure it's never happened to you, but I've had hangovers where the room is spinning, I feel sick, headachy, have blurred vision, inability to focus on anything – the works.?
At that point, only one thing will do - a duvet day. It's funny how much more difficult that is once you have your own business!
Introvert hangovers can affect us in much the same way, even though there's no alcohol involved. There’s just been too much stimulation. We need to take ourselves away for a good 24 hours, just to completely retreat and replenish.
In my case, that’s as much quiet as possible, a really long walk, a good book, gardening or the spa if I can get myself booked in.?
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For others, it may be a silent retreat, fishing, golf, climbing, a cycle ride, the gym or whatever is your thing.?
I do realise now, though, that people need to understand why I’m retreating so they don’t get the wrong end of the stick. When I was younger, people would accuse me of being moody, arrogant, and selfish.
But just think about the safety demonstration on a plane where you’re instructed to affix your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else. That’s what’s happening here. I’m taking care of my needs so that once replenished, I can support and care for others. This means we need to communicate our needs to our nearest & dearest, so that they understand and realise that we’re caring for our ‘self’, not being selfish.
Sadly, our societal norms appear to expect that we put everyone else first, and now the notion of self-care is being ridiculed.?
Many of my clients find it hard to communicate their needs to their loved ones, housemates or colleagues.?
A needs chart is a great way to address this. It's a simple pie chart divided into segments to represent your needs. Make sure they’re really needs and not wants, though. A need is something that, if left unmet, causes real distress.
Maybe there are periods of the day when you need not to be disturbed. Many introverted children need quiet time after school and being grilled by their parents about what they’ve done during the day just adds to their overwhelm.
My needs include a certain amount of quiet time, enough water so that I'm properly hydrated, enough sleep, quality nutrition, exercise, or at least getting out in nature. As a trainer and a coach, I make sure I leave plenty of time in between clients. And these days, I build in time and space between virtual calls too!
How would understanding be improved if we really took time to understand each other’s needs and then created ways of being that allowed them to be met effortlessly?
If you notice other people around you are experiencing some distress, what are their needs? Which needs are unmet? What do they need to do to replenish?
If I don’t get my needs met, or get to replenish fully and regularly, the journey to burn-out is almost inevitable for me.
Consciously addressing overwhelm and hangovers fully, enables me to reduce and/or eliminate the key components that lead to ‘burnout’.
In a real fire, these components are heat, oxygen and fuel, with all 3 being needed to start and sustain combustion.
In my analogy, conditions that tend to fuel my ‘burn-out’ flames are situations that drain my battery fast.?
These include meetings that have no purpose, constant interruptions in an open-plan office, or not being given time to process my thoughts before being expected to contribute.?
Remember, as Introverts, we tend to have that think-say-think communication process.
And, I could add people who don’t listen to that list too!?
For me, not being listened to feels like someone is just chucking on more logs, or adding an accelerant like petrol, onto the fire. They then step back to watch the flames increase in intensity.
And sometimes, that someone may be me!
So here’s a question for you - What and/or who fuels your burn-out fire?
Now onto the next of the 3 elements, heat.?
In my analogy, heat comes from mindset, friction and emotion. I find that choosing a positive attitude and a growth mindset is a critical first step for me.? Sometimes it's also about remembering to detach emotionally. I am not my feelings, just as I am not my thoughts. Noticing and staying curious about them is a great practice. ??
We often think of emotional detachment as a negative thing, but when deployed positively, it means I can remain calm, stop taking things personally and choose how to respond.? It doesn’t mean I lack empathy.?
Not all friction is bad, as relationships can move to a different level when we take the time to realise how and why we rub each other up the wrong way.?
And the third element needed is oxygen and, in my analogy, this is the environment I’m in. ?It surrounds me, but I can’t hold it, put it into a box it or tie a bow around it.
As I can’t completely control the environment, I do what I can by focusing on what I can control and what I can influence in order to co-create something that works for us all.?
Time spent focusing on things that are a concern but over which we have no control or influence is time and energy wasted. I don’t have those things to squander.
And if your fire is roaring, almost out of control, what is the best extinguisher? We know that different types are needed according to the type of fire.? For instance, you don’t use water to put out an electrical fire.
A fire blanket or foam smothers the oxygen, so in my case, I need to create a cosy environment that feels like I’m cosseted, ?
Water takes the heat from a fossil fuel fire.? And a fire break removes the fuel. Simply put, taking a break, and hydrating are essential to prevent or recover from burn-out.
The good news is that removing any one of the components will stop the fire from raging, so you don’t have to focus on all 3.?
And, doing one completely is going to be better than working on all 3 ‘a little bit’, as that’s just damping down, and it may allow the fire to smoulder and potentially re-ignite.
I think that’s what’s happening to me right now.
So, if you know that burnout is a danger for you or someone you care about, be it a loved one or a client, I have a few questions and points for you to consider.
So, don't take the helter-skelter to the seat of the fire.
Take evasive action for the sake of your full mental battery, your good health and your flourishing.