Doubt not your soldier's sacrifice.

I served at the United States Department of Defense (DoD) from 2003-08. I was involved in both OEF (Operation Enduring Freedom - Afghanistan) and OIF (Operation Iraqi Freedom) in prosecuting the GWOT and the post-war period in Iraq.

I have empathy for all those who are looking at these pictures of Afghanistan and for those who looked at our withdrawal from Iraq... and ask...

... what was it all about?

Why was this worth it?

Why did _______ (spouse, father, brother, son, daughter, mother, aunt, etc.) have to die there?

Let me begin by saying there are no words I can write to heal the pain of the sacrifices and the profound loss that you must feel. Nothing I can write will distract you from what I imagine is the sense of anger, outrage, futility, and sadness that might consume and haunt you.

But let me offer an answer to the one question above all that I suspect most who survive their servicemember must have...

... was it worth it?

It most certainly was.

Doubt not your soldier's contribution or value to the Nation or to the cause of freedom and the betterment of Humanity.

I write, knowing the depth of suffering that you likely feel, that you should take some solace and some comfort in knowing that the sacrifice was the deepest demonstration of devotion to you, to your family, and to this Nation. It most certainly was "worth it."

We went to Afghanistan and Iraq because we believed those fights were in our national interest. Whatever one might believe about those conflicts, the President I served (George W. Bush) believed it was in our national interest and our national will and was pressed behind those conflicts.

It would have been considerably more satisfying if those fights had ended with the destruction of those regimes, the capitulation of the enemy, and ticker tape parades.

They did not.

Instead, they dragged on for a generation. And as someone who experienced 9/11 first hand (living in DC), if you had told me that would be the result of this conflict - I wouldn't have believed it then, and I can hardly believe it now.

My oldest daughter was born after the start of our fight in Afghanistan. My youngest daughter was born just after our involvement in Iraq. I would have never imagined the conflicts would have lasted long enough for both of them to be eligible to serve in the military to have deployed to these conflicts. An entire generation has suffered with America "at war" in these places. I share the frustration and the feelings of futility that our national security policy, and the lack of victory in either conflict, brings. I, too ask, "Was it worth it," and having thought about it deeply, I felt compelled to share this piece with you.

Know this, despite the lack of resolution in those conflicts, your loved one showed their full devotion to this country because of their love for you and their love of the country.

There is a passage of "Battle Hymn of the Republic," that I have found applicable to the question of whether us paying for our freedoms in blood is "worth it":

In the beauty of the lilies

Christ was born across the sea,

With a glory in His bosom

That transfigures you and me;

As He died to make men holy,

Let us die to make men free;

While God is marching on.

That is what makes it worth it - despite the outcome of the conflict and the recriminations about the decisions that brought us to those two places.

I have met many servicemembers. They are among the finest our Nation offers. They come from all walks of life. They come from all parts of the country. They even come from other countries, desperate to be counted among us as Americans.

They are guided by duty.

Duty to their family. Duty to their community. Duty to our Country.

I realize that for those who have never served or who have never had to work with the military, those words seem cheap and hollow.

They are not.

For those who serve and sacrifice, the words duty, honor, and country are the symbols of character that motivated everyday citizens to endure hardship, place themselves in harm's way, and sacrifice themselves because their Nation asked them to serve. They mark a lifetime, in some cases, spent in service to others.

Those words represent a commitment to this Nation where they took personal responsibility and obligation for the debt of seeing its interest prevail and seeing the cause of freedom advocated across the globe. It was who they were and what they stood for as people.

That is what makes this worth it.

I have visited Arlington only a handful of times; all but one of those times was to attend the funeral of a fallen soldier in combat.

I have visited our cemeteries around the world. It is a solemn and emotional experience.

Rows upon rows of silent gravestones mark the sacrifices they made because their country asked them to.

Their sacrifice is the debt that was paid for the freedoms we enjoy. Whether in the Hurtgen Forest, the beaches of Normandy, the jungles of Vietnam, or in lands they could barely pronounce, of Falluja, and Mazer-e-Sharif, these servicemembers died protecting their fellow soldiers and our freedoms.

Their sacrifice was a testament to their personal character and their devotion to their families, communities, and the Nation.

They stood their post. They did their part.

Their lives meant something.

To honor their memory, we must honor what they believed to be true; that service to this nation was an honorable and worthy devotion to their time and sacrifice. Their families loved and supported them. Their communities should be proud of them. Their friends and fellow soldiers held their hands and stood by as they passed into the beyond.

Their lives were precious.

They will be remembered.

If I have one wish, it is the fact that Americans will give their lives when asked, and as such, it is incumbent upon the leadership of this nation not to throw such a valuable resource at problems that are not ours to solve.

We should not go into places with the idea that we can fix them. I know from personal experience and interactions with those who served in Iraq and Afghanistan truly believed in the mission. They deployed thousands of miles away from their own families to attempt to bring the freedoms and liberties we enjoy to others. They truly believed in bringing the freedoms and the civil society that we have in this country to other parts of the world.

That goal was worth it.

We may have failed in it for now, but their sacrifice and their determination should be remembered. We defeated Al Qaida. We diminished the Taliban. We demonstrated to the world that we will extend our power if we are threatened.

That objective seems small, I realize, to the survivors of the fallen.

I can imagine the heartbreak of those surviving the departed who now feel that task was a fool's errand.

I say emphatically - it was not.

While the mission may not have been successful, you must remember their choice and sacrifice were borne out of love for family, love for country, and a deep commitment to duty in service of the freedoms we enjoy. They aspired to be what their Nation called upon them to become.

We cannot control the outcome of the conflict. We cannot know beforehand the determination of the battle. Each person decides for themselves their obligation and responsibility. For your fallen service member, choose the highest ground and put forth the highest effort.

Regardless of the outcome of the conflict, their sacrifice and their actions are a testament to what we should all aspire to become.

They were the finest among us. That is what makes it "worth it."

The defining moments of their lives were not in vain, their sacrifices were not pointless, and they will not be forgotten.

If for no other reason than because I and tens of thousands of others will stand beside those who lost a loved one and remember their sacrifice. You do not suffer silently. You do not suffer alone.

It is said that you die twice, once when you leave your body and the second when your name is said for the last time. These men and women who gave their lives shall live on for generations because their names are indelibly inscribed in our Nation's memory.

That is why we have Memorial Day. That is why we build tributes to the fallen. That is why I write that the sacrifice was worth it. While not at the forefront of everyone's mind, for those of us who understand, it is at the forefront of our minds.

In times like this, I am reminded of Abraham Lincoln's letter to Mrs. Bixby. At the time of composure, President Lincoln was told that Mrs. Bixby had lost five sons in combat. So moved by such a devastating loss, he wrote:

"I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom."