Doubt Your Doubts: They're Selling You Short

Vincent Van Gogh once that “If you hear a voice within you say, ‘You cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”

?Sometimes.

Other times, it quickly pipes back up. Yet Van Gogh’s advice remains solid. Because often the biggest hurdle we have to conquer is that negative noise in our own heads that keeps us from even daring to try.

You know the one. It’s hellbent on pointing out your shortcomings and talking down your strengths. ?It drags you into negative comparisons, homing in on what you are not great at, have not done, or did not totally nail. ?It stokes your insecurities, chips away at your confidence, rationalizes cowardice, and generally steers you 180 degrees from the very things you most want – or need - to do.

Pursuing a goal that really inspires you (but also scares the socks off you.)

Having that tough conversation.

Extending that invitation.

Resetting a boundary.

Making a bold ask.

Taking a chance.

Saying yes.

Saying no.

Diving in.?

Fear of failure or being exposed as ‘not enough’ often comes dressed as mild-mannered self-doubt. Yet unless you learn to stand guard against that cynical spin doctor in your head, it can grow so normalized that you don’t even recognize where it's keeping you settling for too little and selling yourself short.

The Covid pandemic has taken a hit on many people’s self-confidence. The ongoing uncertainty and disruption coupled with the absence of normal in-person human interactions left many increasingly unsure of themselves and anxious about their future. Without the tempering influence of social interactions, it was harder to reign in critical self-discourse and self-doubt.

So if your own has been running amok, you’re not alone.

But despair not. ?

Because while doubt may be ever-present, you are fully equipped to master it. ?The following six questions (condensed from You’ve Got This!) will help you do just that. Before you answer them, start by bringing to mind a situation that's triggering some degree of doubt.

1.???Can you absolutely prove this doubt is true?

Professor Derek Rucker at Northwestern University found that we can reduce self-doubt by instilling ‘doubt in one’s doubt’. ?

?Too often we buy into our doubts hook line and sinker without really putting them under due cross-examination. Unless you can really prove that what you’re telling yourself is true – beyond any reasonable doubt – then maybe it's not!

Of course, not all doubts are unhelpful or untrue. Some keep you from doing foolish things that would harm you or others. Your job is to weed out those holding your happiness and potential hostage.

Doubt will never overestimate your abilities. It will sell you short every time.

2.???What evidence contradicts this doubt?

We’re wired to seek out evidence that confirms our existing opinions and ignores or discredits that which contradicts them. ?It’s why we gravitate toward groups whose opinions will reinforce our own, and why social media has cultivated polarizing echo chambers.?

Make it a regular practice to play devil's advocate with yourself by challenging the veracity of what you're telling yourself and disrupting your habitual thought patterns (i.e. don't believe everything you tell yourself!)

• Think you’re too young to start a business? A simple scroll through the #teenentrepreneur hashtag on Instagram will introduce you to hundreds of teens who’d disagree.?
• Think you’re too old to change careers? Again, examples abound of people thriving in new careers in their 40's, 50’s and beyond!
• Ask someone you respect if they think your doubt would hold any water under pressure.?

3.???Does this doubt move you forward?

Whenever my own doubts grow loud (this is often), I have a practice of simply saying them out loud and then asking myself:?Is this thought serving me??

I have a 3P Litmus test for my own self-talk. If it’s not making me feel more Powerful, Positive or Purposeful, I ‘try on’ another story about the situation at hand.

So try this. Say your doubt out loud (even better, use a funny voice) and notice how it makes you feel. If it’s not ticking any of those three P's - making you feel better or braver in any way - chances are it’s working against your highest good.

Of course, sometimes the inner voice of truth can be uncomfortable. However if what you’re telling yourself is true, then it’s also liberating you from a mistruth, pointing you toward the very thing you most need to do.?

4. What is this doubt costing you?

Play this doubt forward and put yourself in the shoes of your 'future self' a year from now if you continue letting this doubt steer your ship. If your default doubt-directed future is not floating your boat, then consider what it's costing you to hold on to it. As I wrote in Stop Playing Safe, decisions made from doubt and fear are never optimal decisions and exact a steep hidden tax on every measure that truly matters.

5.???Who might you be without this doubt?

Had Van Gogh given his doubt the power to decide whether he would paint the brush strokes that created the masterpieces we admire today. ?Likewise, you might miss out on meeting the person you could become if you give your doubts the power to dictate your future. Sure it takes courage to make that leap across the chasm of self-doubt from who you are now to who you could be. But of all the bets you may place in your life, none is more important than the bet you make on yourself.

6.???What is a more empowering belief to live from? ??

As I contemplated the idea of writing my first book back when I had four kids seven and under, I voiced my doubt to my husband, “But I never studied writing. I don’t even know where the apostrophes go! And I’m so busy… how will I find the time?” ?

“Why don’t you just write the best book you can,” he said. “There are people you can help. Focus on helping them, not on being a literary genius.”?

His encouragement shifted my focus onto what I did know and could do. Defying my doubt and giving myself permission to write ‘the best book I could’ liberated me to simply start, taking an hour most days when my kids were taking naps!?

As social psychologist Claude Steel, creator of Self-Affirmation Theory found, taking even as little as five minutes to write down, appreciate and affirm our strengths can help us perform better, build skills, hone talents and rise faster.

Was my first book a literary masterpiece? Only to my parents. But if I’d let doubt hold the pen, I’d never have written that first book (Find Your Courage, now in five languages!) which built my confidence and honed my writing for my second book, that polished it further for my third and fourth and fifth.?

You get the drift.

Only when you dare to defy your doubt can you ever free yourself from its hold and take the very actions that lead you to discover how immensely capable you truly are and how little reason you ever had to doubt otherwise.

Let me finish by asking you to indulge me in a little game of make believe by answering this question.

If I had a magic wand and could permanently banish the doubts that have been holding you back, what would you do??

Whatever the answer, move in that direction. Because doubt kills more dreams than over-daring ever can. As Olympic skier, Jacqui Cooper shared on my podcast, ‘Make sure your true voice is louder than the false voice of fear.’

Victor Hugo wrote that there is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come. Well I say, your time has come.

Time to stop selling yourself short.

Time to stop asking: ‘Who am I to be so daring, influential, well-paid, happy… (insert-what-tugs-on-your-heart?)’

Time to start living into the real question:

‘Who am I not to be?’

Time to defy your doubt.

The future you want most is riding on it.

Margie Warrell is a Senior Partner at Korn Ferry, CEO & Leadership advisory, keynote speaker and author of five best-selling books including You've Got This! The Life-Changing Power of Trusting Yourself (Ch 2 Doubt Your Doubts.)

Listen to my Live Brave podcast episode on Doubting Self Doubt.

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