The Do's and Don'ts of Managing Up

"Managing Up" is an interesting term, without a well-accepted definition. Some think it's all about kissing up to your manager - hopefully you realize this is not what I'm going to write about here. Some think it's all about "making your manager look good" - not exactly right, either. So what is it about?

In this post I'll give you my interpretation of this term, or, rather, what I wish every report knew about interacting with their?manager. Here we go.

DON'T FLATTER OR KISS UP

Ok, I said I was not going to write about this, but I will. Flattery happens, even in top companies like Meta. Perhaps it's somewhat cultural: in some cultures people feel it's expected to flatter their manager. Please don't - flattery is very easy to tell. "Mark, thank you for your extremely wise leadership" most likely is flattery. A simple "thank you" if your manager helped you is enough.

DO GIVE FEEDBACK

Managers need feedback as much as anybody else, and often more so. Yet when I review manager upward feedback during performance reviews, often enough the "what can they do better" section is left blank. I work with some of the most accomplished senior leaders in WhatsApp, yet each one of them can use feedback to improve. Please don't rob your manager of your feedback!

COMMUNICATE ON THE RIGHT LEVEL

This one is tricky - what is the right level? Clearly it's possible to overcommunicate every little detail, or not to communicate enough. Talk to your manager about it! Ask them what they need to hear, and what they don't. Ask them why. Iterate. There is no a priori right answer, you adjust this as your relationship develops.

COMMUNICATE NEGATIVE NEWS

This is a special case of the above: if in doubt, always communicate negative news to your manager. Your manager would much rather hear negative news from you, with the right context, than hear it from somebody else (especially their own manager). While experienced managers may not be very sensitive about it, it's still something to keep in mind.

ASK FOR HELP, BUT ACCEPT YOUR MANAGER IS NOT A MAGICIAN

Goes without saying, but if you need help - ask for it! Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. But when you ask for something, please understand your manager may or may not be able to get it for you. "I must have 3 more people on this project" is not very useful as an ultimatum. It's much better to say "I need 3 more engineers to hit this deadline. If we don't get them, then we must either push back the deadline by a month, or deliver fewer features, or ...."

ASK QUESTIONS IF SOMETHING IS NOT CLEAR

I hear this often enough: "my manager said X" - "why??" - "I don't know, I did not ask". Ask. Very often, I feel I tell my team something, and I?think?I gave them full context, and everything is crystal clear - and then somebody asks a question, and I realize it's not. So I'm usually very thankful to those who ask questions, even naive ones. Clear communication is surprisingly very difficult.

DO SHARE HOW YOU FEEL, BUT WITHOUT EXTRA DRAMA

This one is tricky. Your manager really, truly wants to hear if you are frustrated, upset, tired, etc. Contrary to what some people think, it's NOT unprofessional to share how you feel! But don't exaggerate too often for extra dramatic effect. "Why can't this company ever do anything right???" is probably neither true nor very useful.

DON'T IGNORE WHAT THE MANAGER ASKED YOU TO DO

If the manager asked you to do something, there are several good options: 1) you do it 2) you push back and explain why you think it's a bad idea - I really expect you to do so if you disagree! 3) you ask for more clarification and context. The bad option: ignore the request, for whatever reason. It's just not a good long term strategy.

FORGET "DON'T BRING PROBLEMS - BRING SOLUTIONS"

Now, there is?some?truth to this. If some problem occurs, it's very nice to be told "we have this problem, and here is the solution - things are under control". That said, if you have no idea what the solution might be, or if you are just not sure, I'd much rather hear about the problem anyway! We can find a solution together. Hiding a problem because you are not sure what the solution is is never a good idea.

Ok, I think this is enough for now. If you are a manager, is there something else you wish your reports knew about interacting with you?