The DO's and DON'Ts of asking for a referral

So you've made it this far. You might even have the job offer in hand. And the employer just needs a couple more things: Your address, a background check, and three references from previous employers.

Your references might be one of the most important steps to getting a job; it might be the final thing that convinces an employer to choose YOU!

And yet, some people display terrible etiquette when asking for a referral or reference letter.

This is extra surprising, considering this has a huge amount of value FOR you (the job seeker), and not much value for the person writing it for you.

Here's how to ask for a referral:

? DON'T ask last minute.

The more notice you can give someone, the better. Again, you are asking them for a favour, and people are busy. There are times it is unavoidable, so...

? DO give them time to prepare,

Or at the least acknowledge that you are asking them for a HUGE favour if you are asking last minute. If you know you are looking for work and might need a reference letter down the line, ask for it now! Have a copy ready to send out, or give a heads-up to your referrers that you might be asking soon to give them time to prepare.

? DON'T just send a vague request:

You need to do more than a one-liner email and your Resume and ask them to refer you. Again, this is putting all of the burden on them.

? DO send a thoughtful email with context.

Tell them a little about your job search and why you think they will be a valuable reference for you. Remind them of the significant impact that you had while working for/with them. It's always also nice to tell them of the impact that they had on your career.

Bonus Tip: Look at your resume, where you have listed this position. What did you list as your key accomplishments? Refreshing their memory on the key results you brought to this position can help ensure they are consistent in their responses of what your results were.

?? What if I don't want to brag about my previous accomplishments?

Remember, your awesomeness is not self-evident.

Don't look at it as bragging; look at it as reminding them of what you did and explaining your outcomes.

If you don't feel comfortable asking them to back up what is on your resume under that previous position, maybe that result should not be there, or this person is not the right person to be your reference.

But, if you really deserve the credit, your referrer will be happy to acknowledge that and will probably copy and paste what you wrote into their referral template.

? DON'T Make them jump through hoops.

This should be self-evident, but the bigger of an ask, the less likely (or happy) they will be to complete it. Instead of asking them to mail it in, ask them to email it to you, and you can print it out. Etc.

Don't ask them to go and find the deadline, job requirements, or whatever other context is required.

? DO make it as easy as possible for them to complete your request

Think through all the details that are required for them to submit the reference, and ensure you have done as much as possible FOR them.

• What job you are applying to
• What company are you applying to
• Any key dates you'd like them to remember (eg: I was your Teaching Assistant in Econ 101 from April 2023 - January 2024)
• The deadline for the reference (if there is any)

? DON'T leave them hanging

Don't disappear once you have received your recommendation; just reappear once you need another one.

Especially if you get the job, reach out to say THANK YOU! And acknowledge their part in your success story. Reciprocity is a huge part of networking and a great opportunity to keep that connection warm. Don't sleep on this opportunity to enrich your connection and to make someone feel good about the impact they had in your life!

? DO show your appreciation

And think about what you can do for them in return. Can you send a nice thank you note or email, a gift card (even $5) with "coffee is on me!", or leave a recommendation on their LinkedIn page?

Continue to foster your relationship with this person. This person is a part of your success story, from the mentorship they provided when you were at your previous position, to now helping you into your next big adventure. They deserve to share in the joy of achievement with you!

Here's my personal example:

Once, a contact of mine REALLY helped me out with my job search by offering me her personal resume template and offering to read through mine together and edit. It helped so much and led me to an incredible job.

Now, when my friends are looking for work, I always offer them that same template. Whenever one of my friends gets hired, I send her a little message thanking her again for the template and letting her know that her impact went so far beyond the couple of hours we spent together on my resume.

Hope this helps, and best of luck on reaching out to ask for referrals!