Don't You Dare Settle for Fine

Picture this. It's January 3rd, 2022, your first day back to work after the holidays. (It might literally be the first day in the office since March 2020.) As you see your colleague and start to "catch up" and you're asked "Hey, how was your holiday?". What do you want to be able to reply?

Please don't say "fine".

In the words of Ted Lasso's Roy Kent:

Because you are worth so much more than fine, here's my holiday gift to you - an adaptive coaching exercise I've found so helpful, professionally, and as a parent planning family gatherings.?

• Step 1:?Let's define success. When asked to describe your holiday break,?what do you want your answer to be??Say it out loud. Even better, write it down.?Exciting! Fun. Restorative. Peaceful.
• Step 2:?What would have to be true for you?to respond with the answer you've chosen? What would you have to have experienced, received, done, or not done for you to authentically answer with the response you indicated in step 1??Say it out loud. Write it down.?I'll finish the two books on my nightstand. We'd have one family game night with no drama.
• Step 3:?What concerns or fears do you have about the next few weeks??Say them out loud. All of them. Write them down. All of them.?I'll overschedule and find myself exhausted. Vaccination statuses or mask mandates will become flashpoints for family members with conflicting ideologies.?
• Step 4:?And what else??What other concerns or fears do you have??We'll all end up in the same room looking at separate screens. That the wedge between cousin Elizabeth and Uncle Phil will force the family to take sides.?
• Step 5:?When you think about the next few weeks,?what are you looking forward to or excited for??Late lazy breakfasts in our pajamas. Seeing the new baby. Bundling up for long walks with the dogs.
• Step 6:?Compared to how you've done holidays in the past,?what must change??What are one or two things that you'd like to do differently??Define household noise tolerances: no loud activities before 9 am or after 11 pm. Co-creating new, gender-neutral, decorating, meal prep, menu planning, and clean-up duties.?
• Step 7:?Perhaps most importantly,?what must never change??This is often what matters most to you.?That we prioritize how we make guests feel in our home, not the decorations, the food or wine, or the cleanliness of the closets.

Some of you may recognize this exercise from our work together. At home, it's now a family tradition and is just "how the Cavalieris plan holidays". It's great for sharing and unearthing "stealth expectations" or unconscious fears that have so often gotten in the way of communication and connection.?

Try it for yourself or with your family. Let me know how it goes. And, if you have any questions about the process, let's connect.?

With that, I'll leave you with an inquiry.?What, in 2021, was your biggest learning or greatest accomplishment?

PS:??On the topic of learning and professional development, join me at a Dare to Lead? Workshop: January 27, 28, 29 - Nevis, West Indies Or February 22-March 10, Devon, PA