DON'T WANNA

On a regular basis, I explain to my high-strung, strong-willed 7 year old daughter: “YOU are in control of YOURSELF. And it is your job to control yourself.”

A concept that sometimes feels foreign.

Or old-fashioned, maybe.

I see a lot of impulse chasing… a lot of randomness, and knee-jerk, and I think it’s because that kind of flitting-through-life is deeply at odds with being a useful (fulfilled) person.

Here’s what I know to be true:

The moment your internal motivation fails, you betray your true self.

IOW, the second you feel the inevitable velocity shift of fading motivation, you prove one of two things:

1. You are not in control of yourself
2. You are in control of yourself

People who are not exercising control over themselves will say, concerning a responsibility, “Nah, I don’t wanna do that anymore. I don’t feel like it. Doesn’t suit me. I’m out.”

And they either stop or walk away.

They justify it in colorful ways:

I deserve to be happy (implied = all of the time)

I need to trust my instincts (regardless of the collateral damage)

I choose me (because I matter most)

The first part of all of those things is fine, but when someone abandons a responsibility, the second part is often what they really mean.

Here’s what it sounds like to be in control of yourself:

“I no longer enjoy this. I no longer want to do it. I have committed to it, which means that I will carefully evaluate why I feel this way and consider a logical move forward.”

Note - self-control doesn’t mean torture or agony or endless annoyance.

It does mean that the decisions you make, you make on purpose.

You don’t fall in and out of things.

You take your word seriously, be it in pledges to others or yourself, and you never run away.*

You keep going.

You screw your courage to the sticking point.

You hold fast your will.

You do the thing.

Whether you feel like it or not.

Whether you wanna…

Or don’t wanna.

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*Don’t make me say it - you know I’m not talking about abusive situations, etc.