Don’t wait until life rocks you to look for balance

11.28 ON AN ORDINARY SATURDAY MORNING?

When it comes to a balance between family and business, I don’t believe I have?all?the answers. Nobody does. I do, however, believe I know the questions that need to be answered to get that long-term healthy balance that is just right for you. Both my business and personal experience have brought me to this point.?

Let me explain.?

Powering ahead?

I must tell you, there?was?a time when I thought I had all the answers. It was 2005. I was in my mid-thirties and had four awesome kids: Hayden (15), Cameron (13), Nadine (11) and Rohan (2). I had a beautiful wife, Ronnie (the mother of Rohan and later on Luke), who – at the time – I believed would be my life partner. Hayden, Cameron, and Nadine were from my first marriage to my childhood sweetheart Alison. (Alison and I met when we were just 15 years old and spent 15 years together. We were two kids in love, who grew apart and realised one day that we weren’t a real match for each other.)?

At this time, like many ‘blended’ families, we had all moved into a very functional situation. On the business front, things were powering! I had grown my ‘one man’ car cleaning business into a national home services franchise network of 400-plus franchisees. Our group, James Home Services, was totalling more than $25 million in home services annually across Australia. We had all the trappings of success: flashy cars, a beautiful home on a horse stud in the Mooloolah Valley, a team of show jumping horses, great holidays, no shortage of funds, and a huge network of great friends and colleagues.?

The business success had not been by accident. A combination of vision, entrepreneurial spirit, smart risk taking and a passion for small business, along with a good serve of hard work and determination, got us the results we wanted.?

I thought I had it all worked out, that everything was perfect! Then one day, without any warning, my world was turned upside down in one single heartbeat.?

The moment it all changed.?

Hayden, Cameron and Nadine were all very capable horse riders, and we spent many weekends competing in show-jumping events.?

One very ordinary Saturday morning we were all at the Gatton Agri- cultural Show. We had been at Gatton since the previous Thursday, camping in our truck. The kids were competing in their events and having an amazingly fun time together. Only Cameron and Hayden had events on Saturday, and Nadine had negotiated going home early with a girlfriend and her family.?

It was all very normal.?

I was sitting watching as Hayden warmed up to go in to compete. Cameron, having just finished competing, was heading back to our truck. Nadine ran up and gave me a hug, saying, ‘Love you Dad ... see you later!’ She turned to head back towards her friend’s truck, her ride home. I returned my attention to Hayden.?

Then, just seconds later, at 11.28 am, I heard the most terrifying scream of ‘Dad!’, and instantly recognised the voice of Cameron, who was running towards me at full speed, his face full of fear. He screamed again, ‘Dad ... Nadine is down!’?

‘Has she been kicked?’ I asked. This was my first thought.?

In tears, he said, ‘I don’t know, she’s just in a heap.’?

I ran as fast as I could towards the commotion, and the first thing I saw as I got to Nadine was a woman in riding gear doing CPR on my daughter! The woman was screaming, ‘Get the ambulance, get the ambulance!’ to a gate attendant. She said to me, ‘I’m a nurse – she’s in cardiac arrest!’?

At that moment a man started working with her. He turned out to be her husband, an off-duty police officer.?

The ambulance arrived quickly from the arena, but the officer seemed way too casual as he got out – perhaps he was assuming it was a minor fall? A scream came from the nurse: ‘She has no pulse! She is in cardiac arrest!’?

With that, the whole world turned into a surreal living nightmare. Police cars arrived, a second ambulance arrived with a paramedic on board, crowds gathered, and our whole family rushed to the scene. Friends took little Rohan away. We were all in complete shock.?

I couldn’t believe it. Was I living every parent’s nightmare??Could I be watching my daughter die??This living hell went on for 15 excruciating minutes – 15 minutes of fighting to get her back, then Nadine’s heart started to beat again on its own. She was stabilised and taken to Gatton hospital.?

At the hospital I was left waiting in front of the emergency room with absolutely no idea about Nadine’s condition. Then a nurse walked out holding the little gold crucifix that Nadine always wore around her neck. In that moment, I was sure my daughter was gone.?

My face must have shown it because the nurse quickly said, ‘No, no! She’s still alive. We had to put her in an induced coma to stabilise her for transport back to Brisbane.’?

My daughter was ALIVE!?

I went in to see her and was shocked but also relieved at what I saw. She looked terrible, but she was alive. Not long afterwards, she was flown to Brisbane Mater Hospital. I could do nothing but watch as the helicopter took my baby girl into a grey sky.?

It’s a 90-minute drive from Gatton to Brisbane. A friend drove as I sat, waited and hoped that I would see her alive again, her words still ringing in my head: ‘Love you Dad ... see you later.’?

‘Take everything, just give me my daughter back.’?

Those first few days in Brisbane were terrifying: Nadine was in and out of consciousness in the ICU and it was impossible to evaluate any dam- age to her brain. Would she ever walk, talk or function normally again??

The worst was the early morning hours, between 1 am and 3 am. She had horrible night terrors and would wake up screaming, ‘I hate you, I hate you, you are not my father!’ I remember putting my head down on the bed and crying, believing that I had lost my beautiful daughter forever. That night I prayed: ‘Take everything, just give me my daughter back.’ My despair was unbelievably overwhelming.?

About a week later, Nadine was moved over to the heart specialist ward to have a defibrillator implanted, to manage any other arrests. When we did get Nadine in front of the cardiologists, I was desperate for a glimmer of hope. Like all parents in this situation, I wanted to know how this was going to end. I remember asking the cardiologist, ‘What is the likely outcome?’ I also remember the very factual answers from the doctor: ‘Well, the survival rate of adult cardiac arrest is only 5%. For paediatric cardiac arrest, it is only 5% of that 5%! So, you can under- stand that to find ourselves in this situation is extremely rare ... ’?

You can imagine how tormented we were. As well as this grim outlook, Nadine was showing all the signs of major head injury: rocking back and forth, she was clearly not mentally present, and she could not walk unassisted.?

Then on a Friday afternoon, nearly two weeks after her heart attack, the surgeons implanted Nadine’s defibrillator. The doctors told me that she would be groggy after the procedure, so I went home for some much- needed rest. The next day, when I returned to the hospital, Nadine was sitting there watching television?as if nothing had ever happened?– she had just ‘woken up’. I couldn’t believe it:?my daughter had returned.?

In the following weeks it became clear that there was some memory loss. She had forgotten how to write, which she relearned very quickly, but her math skills were not up to her previous very high standards. Within five weeks, she was back at school.?

It is the ‘extremely rare situations’ we find ourselves in that can be the most awakening and unsettling. We all believe we have our act together. I believed I had always run my business for my family; I was Dad and partner first, then business owner. I didn’t know it at the time, but that ‘ordinary Saturday morning’ would have a major impact on my family and my business, forever. The systems that grew the business would become vitally important.?

The cardiologist’s professional and pragmatic evaluation of the situation also stayed with me. The acid test came from the ‘extremely rare situation’ that I found myself in.

The 4 years after this event My daughters heart condition deteriorated until at 15 years of age she required a heart transplant.It was a long and tough journey but she made it through it.

Today, She has a full life. She is nurse and has a loving partner in her life. They are planning a long term future together.

This weekend it will be the 14 year anniversary of that life saving transplant. We will have a quiet roast dinner at home to celebrate her second chance at life and remember that someone else their life on that same day .

We all face daily acid tests of our priorities.

Constantly balancing family and business life in an unbalanced world is a true challenge.?

Hopefully it doesn’t take an ‘extremely rare situation’ to make you evaluate your current position.?