Don’t Underestimate the Power of Self-Reflection
I pretended everything was rosy all the time. If you suggested to me that I reflect on something, I might give you all types of lip-service, but I would secretly wonder why you would bother with such an inane activity. It was clear one should always bury one’s head in the sand and pretend to be happy and reflective, and fine! Fine! Fine! I was fine all the time and I was the omniscient soul who reassured anyone who was not okay.
Over time, and mostly through work with a qualified therapist, I learned that life had a great deal more value when I reflected upon it. I learned that there was something called “the shadow;” and looking at the dark and light of everything brought, not only great insight, but it brought peace.
Who knew?
Well, the authors of this article know, and summarize it in a more corporate way, if you will. They speak of three distinct themes arising through the analysis of the habit of reflection: surprise, frustration, and failure.
They go on to say that reflecting on these qualities prove to be invaluable in helping leaders grow. They dissect these habits as cognitive, emotional, and behavioral.
Reflection requires courage. It is thoughtful and deliberate. They say that being at the top of one’s game only comes when one can extract from the past how to engage the future. This is a powerful thought.
But how do we put this idea into practice? Humans innocently and naively hypothesize that what will happen next is based on what has already occurred. Most of us use logic and reason to try and make sense of our world to project some semblance of power in order that we are not shocked or embarrassed.
So, when things go awry, or when we are mistaken, we are surprised.
I have often gone into what my therapist calls a “shame spiral.” I duck and wobble and weave and try to cover up what has happened. I DON’T MAKE MISTAKES!
But what is a sign of a powerful leader, or a warrior, is one who can evaluate the mistake made through self-reflection. Not to be violent towards the self, but in order to learn from the mistake and see if this pattern might be repeated, and perhaps how to avoid it.
Then there is failure. While surprise can often be kept internal, making a mistake is visible to the masses. So, this is behavioral. Again, it is essential to examine ourselves in this light.
It is easier said than done, believe me!
Frustration is the biggest bug-a-boo for me! I apparently missed the stage of childhood development called “frustration tolerance.” I get quite impatient and quite irritated and don’t handle mistakes well.
The authors conveyed that the leaders they studied felt frustrated with things like the delays of product launches, budget inequities, and corporate offices out of touch with field realities.
If leaders could use these frustrations as opportunities for growth upon reflection, they would have a chance at developing other soft skills like communication, problem-solving, and patience.
Wow, those soft skills are something I can only aspire to!
So, the author suggests building a weekly practice:
- Keep a journal.
- Set aside an hour each week to review your notes.
- Don’t just re-read your journal entry. Add to it. What have you continued to learn?
I realize as a coach it is easier for me to suggest to my clients that they do things I cannot master or have not tried. But doesn’t that fit the old “those who can’t do, teach?” So, call me out on my shortcomings if you want, but only if you are walking the walk and not just talking the talk!
Let me hear from you!
For more: https://coachingwithcraigllc.com/