Don't Trip Over Your Ego

It’s 9:50 AM and I’m getting a little nervous.

I’m wrapping up my one-hour breakout session on How to Fix a Poor Performer and Turn Them into a Superstar at the 2016 HR Florida conference in Orlando.

This session is based on my most recent book and as soon as my session is over, I’ll have to run up to the main floor and do a book signing.

HR Florida is one of the largest SHRM events and my first big state conference.? There are nearly 2,000 attendees and my session is full.

My breakout is the first of the day.? The attendees have just finished listening to a keynote by famed journalist Dan Rather.? Even though I want to hear him, I need to get down to my breakout room, put out the handouts, and make sure my laptop hooks up correctly.? I’m hoping I have good attendance since the SHRM bookstore has arranged for a book signing for me right after my session.? That should be exciting!? I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to write before signing my name in grandiose chicken scratch.

I’m a little worried that attendance in my session might be low since Dan Rather is doing a book signing for his book Rather Outspoken:? My Life in the News.? I hope it doesn’t run into my session.

I’ve got nothing to worry about.? My room is full.? The audience is engaged and I hit my stride.? Everything is going well, and I get my cue from the back of the room at 9:50 that I only have 10 minutes left.? Then I need to haul ass to my book signing.

The session ends and unfortunately, a few people stick around to ask questions. I patiently engage with them, then run upstairs.

I’m shocked.? The line to the book signing table is long.? There must be about 50 people waiting!? I walk over to Vince Caldwell, the SHRM bookstore manager and he shows me where I’m supposed to sit.

And then I see why there is such a long line.? These people have been here since Dan Rather ended his keynote.? They are still waiting patiently for him to sign their copy of his book.

I sit about 10 feet from Dan Rather and his handlers.? My skinny little book is propped up on a bookstand and I sit behind it and my name tent.

Nobody wants my book.? They don’t even look at me as they shuffle past me to get to Dan Rather.? I know now how those homeless people feel as they stand on freeway offramps with a sign while drivers stare straight ahead, pretending they don’t exist.

That’s me.? And it’s embarrassing and sad.? I keep smiling, masking my soul-crushing disappointment. I try to start conversations, but it doesn’t work.

I have Vince take a photo of me.? There is a lesson here somewhere I’m sure, but first I must get over the hurt.? And the death blow my ego has suffered.

At first, I’m angry.? Dan Rather wouldn’t know the first thing about what these HR people do, and he has no advice that can help them.? Why do conference planners do this stuff?

I on the other hand, have written a book with tools that will solve one of their most difficult problems and I can’t get a damned one of them to even make eye contact with me, let alone buy my book and have me sign it.

But then I do a reality check.? Dan Rather is more famous than I’ll ever live to be.? He’s traveled the world and interviewed Sadam Hussein.? Who do you think would be more interesting to talk to at a party?? Dan or me?

Don’t answer that.

Finally, after 10 minutes that seem like an hour, I stand up, hand the display copy of the book back to Vince, and skulk away.? I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.? I find a quiet place to sit and pout until I can get my Uber and head for the airport. ?As I feel the lump in my throat get larger and my eyes well with tears, I take stock of what’s going on in my head.

First of all, this is that last stupid fucking book I’m ever going to write.? Nobody reads them anyway. And as far as conferences, piss on them!? I’m not coming back to do this anymore.? If you don’t want what I’m preaching or selling, then screw you!

And then I realize I’m the problem.? I’ve tied my self-worth to my job.? It’s something I always caution others about, and I’ve just done it.

I’ve blamed the conference planners, the audience, and even poor old Dan Rather, as if it’s his fault.? All he did was have an amazing journalistic career.? And did a hell of a lot more important things than I’ve done or will have time enough left to do.

It took a long time to get over that hurt.? I did write more books and even though I don’t sell that many, at least I can say I’m a “prolific writer.”? I’ve also continued speaking at conferences although I stopped submitting for HR Florida.? But it’s more of a service to Floridians.? Ever since that first conference in 2016, a hurricane hits Florida the same or following week as the conference, when I attend.? It’s probably why we’ve only had ONE piece of business from Florida via the conference.? I’m hoping I wasn’t the cause of the hurricanes, but you can never be too careful.

My ego still pops up occasionally but now I know what to look for and can keep it in check.? Or at least try.

As for Dan Rather, he is 93 as of this writing.? I’m quite certain he doesn’t remember the book signing, but I’ll never forget it.? It was the day I got to confront my ego head on.? And took steps to manage it.

When was the last time your ego got the best of you?? How have you worked to control it?