Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

Three weeks ago I received a call that everyone dreads. My mother was rushed to the hospital and had suffered a serious stroke. I packed my bags and left my house at 10 pm. Those were the longest and loneliest three hours I've ever spent.?

When I arrived at Kingston Health Sciences Centre , I was greeted by the staff. I will never forget how kind, warm and welcoming they were, as they clearly saw how stressed I was. They showed me where she was, and that's when I first saw her. My brother had called me beforehand to let me know about her condition, but it wasn't until I saw her with my own eyes that I realized how serious things were.?It looked like she had aged twenty years.

My brother and sister were at her side, distraught, and welcomed me with a warm hug. My father, who is unwell, had to be at home to get his rest before his visit to her in the morning.

Luckily my mother was somewhat conscious when I arrived and I was able to speak with her. She had trouble speaking, as the stroke had paralyzed her left side, but I was able to understand her. We talked about her baking cookies with her grandkids (one of her favourite things to do) and I even managed to get a couple of laughs out of her. I am the youngest, the "troublemaker", and I would always try to make her laugh whenever I saw her. She didn't swear much (unless I made her angry) but would always laugh at my inappropriate jokes.?

My brother left shortly after I arrived to check on my dad and to get some rest. My sister and I stayed with her for a couple of hours and then I told her to go home to get some sleep. During those couple of hours alone with my mom, we spent some great time together talking. I held her hand until she fell asleep....she never let go of my hand, even while she was sleeping.

Shortly thereafter, things went from bad to worse and I had to have a conversation with the doctor. I will never forget how she approached me and spoke with me, breaking the news every so delicately. Her bedside manner was impeccable. My only regret is that I didn't get her name as I would like to publicly thank her for her kindness and understanding. She listened to all of my questions and answered them thoughtfully. Her communication style was clear and I had a full understanding of what was to come.

Unfortunately, my mother wasn't ever coming back from her stroke. Prior to my conversation with the Doctor, we had hope that she may bounce back as the doctors hadn't ruled it out. My mother made it very clear that she would not want to be on life support so I knew it was only a matter of time. Making that call to my sister was the most difficult thing I've ever done. The decision we now had to make was when to take her off the meds keeping her going and move her to palliative care.

We made numerous phone calls to family - who all live hours away - to let them know what was about to happen.

My sister rushed back to the hospital and my brother and father arrived shortly thereafter. We all sat together, mainly in silence, wondering "how in the hell did this just happen". My father sat by her side the whole time, holding her hand.

After a couple of hours (around noon), my dad was tired so I took the shift to take him home. The whole set of events didn't hit me - I was in shock - until I entered my parents house and saw the homemade pot of chicken soup my mother had made (I love her soup) sitting there and I realized she wouldn't ever be home to enjoy it. That's when it hit me

After a couple of hours at home, I put myself together and drove my father back to the hospital (which is a 40 minute drive). We didn't say much, but were communicating without speaking. During the drive, I saw a flock of birds (hundreds of them) fly right in front of the car....I'll never forget it. Instinctively I sped up (I'm glad I didn't get a ticket) to get to the hospital.?Luckily I was close. When I arrived, I was helping my dad get out of the car when my sister called. She was frantic and told me to get up to the room immediately.?

We rushed to the 7th floor.?She was in her last few minutes of life. My mom was surrounded by her family - which was the most important thing in her life - and once she knew we were there, she was able to rest.

All of these events happened within a 24 hour period.?

I would like to publicly thank the wonderful staff at Kingston Health Sciences Centre for their compassion and humanity during this difficult time. I know the Canadian health care system is strained, but it's the people that work there (Nurses, Doctors, Support Staff) that are keeping it all together. I can't thank you enough for all of your help.

Thank you BetterUp for giving me the time and space needed to grieve.?It's in times like these that you know how much your employer lives up to their values.

I would also like to thank my BetterUp coach Laura Brescia, MSc, PCC for speaking and listening to me during this rough time.

At?the risk of sounding preachy, tell your loved ones you love them. Show them. Don't be afraid to pick up the phone to talk to them, even if you've had an argument.?Forgive them, even if they were the one's that wronged you. Go enjoy yourself, have fun! Lord knows the world needs a bit more of that these days.

To give you an idea of the type of person she was, this was the last post she made on Facebook a couple of hours before her stroke. She was always spreading love and understanding.

"Never be afraid to let someone know if they brightened the room they just walked into

Or if something they said inspired you to change

Never be embarrassed to share a compliment with a stranger and don’t ever fall into the trap of believing that the people you love know that.

Say it.

Always say it.

Your words may land a little awkwardly at first but in the dark of the night those seeds will plant themselves into someone’s mental garden and start to germinate, gather strength and bloom.

Sow seeds wherever you go.

There is nothing better you can do with your words then plant a precious seed."

Taken from a poem titled ‘Life”? written by Donna Ashworth

I wrote a tribute about my mother years ago on LinkedIn, highlighting who she was and the impact she's had on me -?https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/what-my-mom-taught-me-andrew-murison/?lipi=urn%3Ali%3Apage%3Ad_flagship3_profile_view_base_post_details%3BxiEki1a%2FT6ybjmdxMXo40Q%3D%3D

Take care of yourselves and your loved ones.