Don't Start Your Next Meeting With "How Are You?" 7 Meaningful Questions You Can Ask Your Colleagues, Friends & Family

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"How are you?"

"I am good. I am fine. And you?"

"Good too. Fine too."

Sounds familiar?

The truth is we are not all good. Well, at least, not all of the time.

Recently a friend shared this incident with me over a cup of coffee. She is a mum to an infant and also a senior leader at one of the global financial services firm. She was going through a tough week of sleepless nights and an exhausting amount of work at office.

She was in a 1:1 meeting with her manager and her manager asked her, "How are you?" She professionally and very casually mentioned, "I am doing good. Working on ABC projects ....I am also a bit tired because my new born has not been keeping well." Then, with a smile, she added, "Which means lots of sleepless nights and long days.".

To which her manager responded, "Hmmm." "Okay so about that ABC project...."

She shared with me that she was a bit taken aback that her manager had expressed zero interest in listening to a real answer to the fake "How are you?" It was not a big deal for her and she moved on with the day. "Just an acknowledgement would have been good." She confessed. I could understand the disappointment in her voice.

Leaders, managers, parents and friends - Please listen up to this important note.

It takes very little effort to ask "How are you?". But, it also does so little to deepen and strengthen that connection you have with the person in front of you, if you don't follow it up with a deeper question or wait to listen to the answer.

So, if you want to increase the impact of your communication, strengthen your empathy quotient, and become a more emotionally intelligent leader, please ask better questions. And more importantly, pause to listen to the answers and then

ask another better question.

7 Questions to Ask Instead of "How Are You?" in your 1:1 Meetings or Calls

1. "What's the best thing that has happened today so far?"

Let's celebrate the wins, both big and small. Let's give the other person a chance to share what brought them joy and awe and a sense of accomplishment. I love the way people's eyes sparkle when they talk about the things and events they love.

When asked this question in work meetings, team members get to share their progress, giving them the intrinsic motivation they need to keep going further.

2. "What has been the toughest part of your week?"

From lack of sleep, to overwork, to kids not eating meals, to a client meeting that didn't go well. There is no shortage of challenges in our lives. Isn't it nice to lend a listening heart and ear, every once in a while? This is a great question for leaders who want to create a safe space for their team to share more.

3. "What have you been reading / listening to lately?"

Always a great conversation starter. Who said small talk has to be boring? There is so much to learn and know about. Why not ask the other person to share?

4. "What is your biggest concern these days?"

Depending on how close you are with the other person, you may or may not get an honest answer. But you still might be able to move beyond the customary, "I am good." I have learnt that with a little bit of nudging, whatever's been weighing on their mind, just overflows.

5. "Can you share with me something that you learned recently that inspired you?"

When we teach, we learn twice. I have heard. What a wonderful way to give an opportunity to the other person to share what they have learnt?!

6. "What is one thing I can support you with right now in the work you are doing?"

Generic "Can I help you with anything?" is good. But rolling up your sleeves and asking them one thing which you can actually do for them is better. Let's roll up our sleeves.

7. "How are you taking care of yourself these days?"

Burnout is real. Fatigue is real. Your team member or friend will appreciate the reminder to take a few moments to take care of themselves.

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No matter how you choose to start your conversation, the most important thing you can do to make your conversations and connections strong, is to stay present and listen. Not simply hear, but truly listen. By asking genuine questions and listening genuinely to the answers, we as leaders, partners, friends, and family members, can create safe spaces for people. Safe spaces where they can share, learn and grow. Isn't that the kindest gift we can give to people around us?

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Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for reading and listening to what I have to say.

Now, over to you! Which questions resonated most with you? What are some of the other ways in which you make your communication more meaningful and memorable?

Please do share your thoughts and insights with the community in the comments below.

Onwards and Upwards,

Nidhi

p.s. Want to work with a Leadership and Executive Coach to be your growth partner and mentor in your current and next stage of life and career? Drop me a DM or email at [email protected]