"Don't Stare": Practices that Create Barriers to Building Inclusive Communities with Individuals with Disabilities

The teaching to "not stare" was probably created by well-meaning parents, caregivers, and/or educators. I inadvertently said this to my son recently at the grocery store as he gazed in the direction of an obese patron and I had to immediately alter course and ask him what he was noticing, what were his thoughts, and encourage him to say, "Hi" instead of stare. The problem with saying, "Don't stare" is when you never look individuals in the eye and speak to them, you will never get to know them! If you do not know them, you will never be associated with them, be someone in their network, and obviously you and that person will never be friends. It is in essence saying, "I notice you, you are different, and now I am going to ignore that you exist because I either cannot, do not know how, or do not want to interact with you." I believe our K-16 educational system and society as a whole could benefit from the practice of replacing "Don't stare," with "Go, say 'Hi'." 

Attending public school in the 1980's-1990's, I was the recipient of such advice, whether in the hall, at lunch, or at field trips. I rarely crossed paths with any of the students with an intellectual disability who were now being educated on the same campus I attended as a result of the Education for All Handicapped Children Act (1975) and the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (1990). In 2006, students with a similar educational background to mine were involved in research conducted by Carroll, Petroff, and Blumberg (2009). Carroll et al. (2009) interviewed typically developing peers who studied in an inclusive learning program alongside students with an intellectual disability at the College of New Jersey. The typically developing peers emerged from this experience with "a stronger commitment to inclusive teaching" (Carroll et al., 2009, p. 351), new friendships, heightened understanding of the abilities of those with an intellectual disability, and greater awareness of the individuality of those with an intellectual disability, i.e. the typically developing peers found evidence to break socially taught prejudices. 

The number of college programs educating students with an intellectual disability have tripled in the last ten years thanks to the support of the federal government and people who have made this issue a focus of their careers, education, and lives. Below is a short video showcasing one of these programs. Will you be willing to take three minutes to watch the video? Do you have the courage to self-evaluate what prejudices you are carrying about the abilities and possibilities for students with an intellectual disability? Will you say, "Hi" next time instead of instructing those around you to, "Don't stare?"