Don't be so stupid, Sam

We all have an internal monologue, all of us. Mine, for most of my life would dampen my dreams and stop me from speaking out when I felt I had a valid contribution. It held me back in my career for years.

Don't be so stupid Sam

Firstly, this story is about my Mum. I'm not bashing her at all, I have a great relationship with her, and before hitting publish I read this too her and we laughed, and she called me stupid.

For many years, as a kid, I did a lot of stupid shit. I drank bleach, I jumped on a mates back whilst on a rope swing 15 foot above a stinging nettle patch causing it to break, and breaking his leg, I once purposefully ran away at the Devon County Show as I couldn't have an ice cream. I would constantly be a pain in her arse, and would usually be told, 'Don't be so stupid Sam'

I would mentally freeze!

Growing up, I always had a lot of confidence. It's always been there, I know how lucky I am to find something others can find so hard, so easy. I had spend a long time as an amateur boxer through my teen years, and had a really large social group in the town I grew up in. I then found myself working for a local utilities company, and within a year had been promoted to an account managers job.

One day, the team I worked with was invited to meet with the Sales Director, a lovely chap called John. He was approachable, friendly, confident, and obviously knew his stuff. After the talk on that years progress towards the mid term plan, he asked if there were any questions. I had one, I can't remember what it was now, but I had one. As I went to chirp up I heard my mums booming cockney drawl saying 'don't be so stupid Sam', and decided against it. I mentally froze.

This wasn't an isolated event, and although I climbed the corporate ladder, became a senior, was great at hosting webinars and public speaking, there was always that voice in the back of my head telling me to be careful in case i came across as stupid.

It took 30 years for me to change my voice

You see your internal monologue is created very early on, designed and bought to life by our environment, our teachers, our friends and our experiences. The critical inner voice is an internal enemy that can affect every aspect of our lives, including our self-esteem and confidence, our personal and intimate relationships, and our performance and accomplishments. These negative thoughts affect us by undermining our positive feelings about ourselves and others and fostering self-criticism, inwardness, distrust, self-denial,?and a retreat from goal-directed activities.

I cant really remember when it was that i decided to speak up, and ignore the voice in my head, but i know when i did, it set me on the path that I am on today. You see, that voice isn't going anywhere, you just got to learn to live with it, to understand what it is and to trust that you have enough knowledge, enthusiasm and confidence in saying something, that isn't correct. Asking for clarity or further explanation doesn't make you stupid, if anything It makes you the master of your destiny. Otherwise the voices of the past, no matter how negative will be the dictator of your future, and why would anyone want that?

Here's a hack

Next time you hear your inner voice telling you to not speak up, not to go for that promotion, not to approach the person at he bar you would like to start a conversation with, recognise what it is, think through the 3 or 4 different scenarios of what could happen, explore how you would deal with worse case scenarios, get comfortable with the feeling, and just go for it.

Life is too short for 'what if's', and 'maybe if I'd', just do it. I read this article to my Mum before publishing, and do you know what she said to me after jokingly calling me stupid? She said, how on earth did i raise someone so clever.

Now for something completely different

Ok, some randomness for you.

Here is 3 things you may not know.

1. Google was originally called Backrub.
2. Starbucks is named after a character in Moby Dick by Herman Melville.
3. Until 1996 Marvel owned the rights to the word “Zombie”.

Weekly Challenge

Ok, so each week I would like to issue a challenge. It is entirely up to you if you want to do it or not, but why not play along?

This week, I would like issue a challenge to you, to do something unexpected and special for someone. Here is an example my partner and I did back in February for a friend of ours.

In the build up to valentines day, a group of friends on a whatsapp group were all discussion what they were going to do/restaurants they were going to with their partners, trips to the beach for romantic strolls etc. One single friend didn't say much and stated, jokingly how she would be relaxing, alone with a takeaway and a film that night. So we bought a bunch of flowers, and a card, we drew a question mark and a kiss inside, and left them on her doorstep, ringing the bell and running off. We have never shared that with the group, and she was overjoyed that she had a secret admirer somewhere. Simple, but effective in doing something nice for someone.

Ok, 1 rule. Whatever you do for the person you want to make feel good, you cant then promote what you did online. It kind of defeats the point of the challenge (albeit, i just shared ours, but thats different and in the past now ).

Perhaps you could pay for someones meal at a restaurant, or help a homeless person with an opportunity. Perhaps a colleague needs some words of encouragement, or a stranger to be told that you like something about them. You could reach out to someone in your past to thank them for making a difference to you in some small way. You could ask someone to assist with a problem that they may be having.

Whatever it is, do it, keep it offline, and enjoy the feeling of being helpful for helpfuls sake.

See you next week