Don't Skip This Step When Responding to Feedback

Imagine you just offered feedback to your manager, which required a lot of courage to voice, given the gravity of the suggested improvements.?

Your manager listens intently, doesn’t get emotional, shows genuine appreciation for the feedback, and says they will commit to action to rectify the situation.

Then, nothing happens—the same behavior repeats. How does that feel?

There are few instances where leaders can take action to improve themselves?and?build deep trust with the individuals they are responsible for.

Receiving feedback is an area where leaders can make significant strides in multiple directions simultaneously, improving themselves, their teams, and their organizations.

I’ve often heard, “How do I get my team to care more about their work?”

My answer to inspire commitment is simple—show you genuinely care about them.

It’s fundamental human nature for a team to want to be seen, heard, and supported. They want to be recognized for their contributions, feel that their input is considered, and know that leadership values investing in their growth.

We often discuss ways to deliver feedback through a leadership lens, and it’s equally important to discuss how to receive it. Building on that thought, we often discuss opening the feedback loop but not how to close it.

By asking for feedback and listening, we take a step in the right direction. Although opening ourselves up to constructive feedback is uncomfortable, we must lead by example if we want our teams to embrace it productively.

When we set emotions such as defensiveness aside, feedback is information. It creates knowledge of our blindspots—areas where there’s an opportunity to improve that we may not be aware of. Yet knowledge means nothing without integration—our ability to apply it. Listening is not enough.

Listening to feedback sets the stage for developing trust; taking quick action reinforces it. The inverse is also true—failing to act on feedback degrades trust.

In a prior newsletter, I shared the?five A’s of receiving feedback , the gist of which is outlined below. To keep emotion out of the equation, we can use gratitude and appreciation as a mechanism to see the information for what it is—a way to keep getting better:

Ask for it—open the door:?Create the space for feedback. Some people are comfortable taking the initiative to provide it, but most are not. Prioritizing time for others to communicate directly lets them know you’re open to it.

Acknowledge it—ensure they feel heard.?Summarize to?ensure you fully understand it. Repeat what you heard until they confirm you’ve received and comprehend what they’re communicating.

Appreciate it—be grateful to counter defensiveness:?Say, “Thank you,” and genuinely mean it, choosing to see the positive intent. Don’t explain or justify at this point, regardless of whether or not you agree with it.

Accept it (or not)—communicate your perspective:?let them know whether you agree. Sometimes you won’t, so it’s okay not to accept it, but clearly and concisely explain why. If you do agree with it, then…

Act on it—demonstrate commitment:?come out of the conversation with an action item that addresses what was communicated, and then do it.?

That last step determines whether the individual offering the feedback will feel heard. It differentiates a leader who talks from one who walks.

Taking action is the best way to build trust and show others that you want feedback and are committed to improving.

Making people feel heard is a two-step process.

First, we must actively listen and demonstrate that we understand what our team members, clients, etc., are communicating.

Second, we must take that information and do something with it.?

Here’s a real example—I initially messed up the listening process, course-corrected with appreciation, and got the action part right:

We had a leadership meeting, during which we invited team members to present some of the recently completed work on mission-critical projects.

? During the meeting, I multi-tasked with my laptop open because I was behind from being out of the office the week before with a busy week ahead.

A day later, one of my senior leaders, during our 1:1, provided excellent feedback in a format I could easily digest—situation, behavior, impact:

? “During our meeting this week, you seemed to be working while our team members were presenting their work, and it created a perception that you weren’t paying attention and, therefore, didn’t value their time or effort.”

? At first, I justified and explained my actions, noting that it was a very tight week between out-of-office time and a Board meeting the following week (mind you, this was after I wrote the first feedback article shared above).

I write these articles partly because they are an accountability tool for me. As I heard myself justifying and explaining, I recalled the words I had written above about appreciation and shifted gears:

? “Thank you for calling this out. It wasn’t my intent to create that perception—I was listening while working, but that’s not what my actions communicated, and perception is reality.”

And the commitment to action:

? “I will ensure the next time this situation occurs, I actively pay attention.”

Fortunately for me, that opportunity was two days later at our quarterly team day—follow through with the commitment:

? That day, our entire team presented various aspects of their work. I didn’t bring anything but a notepad to write on. I listened, asked questions, and participated in the conversation, gaining much-needed information about our team’s current operations and challenges.

The following week, in my 1:1 with the same leader who delivered the feedback, they 1) appreciated that I heard and acted on it immediately and 2) reinforced that the meeting was much more productive with my active participation.

Today, if we have a team meeting, I try to remind myself that my laptop should only be present if it’s required for participation.

When someone offers us constructive feedback, they will pay close attention to whether we are disciplined to follow through. Active listening is essential, but it’s only the first half of the equation.?

We show we’ve genuinely heard someone by acknowledging their input and acting on the information and insights they’ve graciously provided.

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by feedback, especially when it highlights areas we may not be showing up in alignment with our values and principles. The key is to start with small, manageable actions.?

Did someone suggest improving your communication style? Start by having one more intentional conversation this week. Did you receive feedback on being more present during meetings? Start by setting aside distractions for just one meeting.

Behavior change is linked to developing productive habits and letting go of ones that do not raise our standards—this doesn’t happen without repetitious action.

So, start with small actions and keep going.

When we act on feedback, we create accountability for ourselves and demonstrate respect to those courageous enough to manage upward. It also opens the door for continued dialogue around growth and improvement.?

Open the loop to feedback, AND don’t overlook the value of closing it.

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I also offer leadership coaching. My focus is helping people lead with who they are, aligning decisions, actions, and behaviors with values and principles. If you are interested, you can schedule a free consultation here .

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