Don't shoot the 2nd arrow

We know that life doesn’t always go smoothly (in fact, sometimes it goes decidedly un-smoothly!!). We make mistakes, things go wrong, life doesn’t go the way we’d planned and wanted.?

We’re looking here at how best to respond/not react in these circumstances.

According to Buddhist philosophy, any time we suffer misfortune, two arrows fly our way. The first arrow is the actual bad event, which can cause pain or just dissatisfaction. The second arrow is?the suffering. That's actually optional. The second arrow represents?our reaction to the bad event. It's the manner in which we choose to respond emotionally.

In effect, if we shoot the second arrow, it becomes a double-whammy: things go wrong/we don't get what we want, plus we make ourselves feel bad, give ourselves a hard time in an unhelpful way and so on.

To prevent the 2nd arrow, it does require us to?be mindful, to be aware and to notice what's happening before we respond. It may also require us to be compassionate towards ourselves (accepting, non-judgmentally, with kindness). Being mindful, aware, in the present moment, and observing if we can will help to keep the temperature down, so we can take stock and steer clear of unhelpful reactions/thoughts/behaviours.

What might we be able to say ourselves when something unwelcome occurs? Here are a few examples:

"I’m only human; Stuff happens; Life isn’t always fair. And instead of ‘Why me!!?’, ‘Why not me?'"

We could try just taking a moment to say to ourselves ‘Don’t shoot the 2nd arrow’. This will at least give us a bit of distance from the first arrow.

Granted, this is so much easier said than done, and a brief period of upset or sadness is to be expected on occasion, and can do us good, particularly if something deeply personal happens.

What we’re doing though is acknowledging that if we're not mindful, we can make the worst of (bad) situations, rather than the best.

So, when you do make a mistake; things don't go to plan; something bad happens; (or on a smaller scale) you get caught in the rain or miss the train - the first arrow arrives - let's be mindful and accepting and compassionate towards ourselves, and reject the 2nd arrow.

We will all get the first arrow. Try and notice it if you're about to, or you've already shot the 2nd arrow: you're less likely to get stressed, and less likely to deal with people/things badly and suffer as a result.

A quick reminder about this webinar that I'm co-facilitating next week - Tuesday March 4th, 4-5pm - with my colleague Alan Bradshaw .

If you're interested in learning (more) about what managers/the organisation could and should be doing to prevent stress and promote wellbeingl, why not come along to the session? You'd be most welcome.

You can register to attend/find out more here https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/management-competencies-to-prevent-and-reduce-stress-at-work-tickets-1224020210399?aff=oddtdtcreator

That's it for now.

Until next time, take care.

Best wishes,

Marc