Don't say "Sorry" when you mean "Thank You"
Jessica Z.
Chief Operating Officer at Talentful. ??? Helping the world's most admired technology companies build world-class teams. ??Author of Built for People: People Ops as a Product
I recently came across Yao Xiao's poignant comic series, 'If you want to say "thank you" don't say "sorry"' (Below)
I couldn't help but share some insights I have had about the phenomenon of people (particularly women) to say "Sorry" at work when they have nothing to apologise for, or when we mean something else entirely.
I cannot help but believe that semantics won't beat inequality, but I do think that on an individual level you shift the power balance in a conversation when you let go of apologising for things outside of your control (or even things that aren't worth apologising for).
After I came across Yao Xiao's work I began taking proactive steps to eliminate "Sorry" from my daily life when I actually meant "Thank you" (unless I am genuinely sorry, in which case - let the apologies flow free.) I even found out that gmail has a handy #SorryNotSorry plug-in (I'm not using this but there you go... necessity is the mother of invention and all that.)
In keeping this in mind I've found that often when I apologise I do want to thank someone, and it's more empowering for both halves of a conversation. Where as before I was getting back what I was giving out: some guilt and awkwardness. I am now getting back "you're so welcome, it wasn't an issue at all!"
A lot of business (particularly in recruitment, sales, and other people-driven roles) is about confidence and perception. If I feel there is a predisposition for me to be considered less capable than I am, I want to approach it head on.
"Sorry" has a emotional and very important place in life, and the workforce, but using it like a trite 'like' or 'umm' is damaging to the way you're perceived, and undermines what you want to communicate.
What do you think?
Bringing companies and consumers together to create ever improving experiences for everyone
8 年Great insight and I genuinely think Yao Xiao was onto something! I am sometimes guilty of saying "sorry" when I mean "thank you", in both professional and personal settings.
Marketing at Satelliet UK
8 年This is a really interesting read.
Exec Coach. Leadership & Wellbeing Specialist. BSc Hons Psychology. DipEd.NLP Master & Mindfulness Practitioner/Teacher
8 年Excellent article which highlights important points. Thank you!!
Director of Sales & Service, Americas at Teradyne
8 年Marijana Brown take a look on this article. :)
Director / Principal Consultant at D Jamieson Consulting
8 年This is an interesting observation of how we often use "sorry". It's food for thought. Semantics are subtle and important, so it's worth being aware of when we might be using this little word as an inadequate substitute for something else.