Don't Say the "M" Word!

Brother Andrew the Heretic

Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

          

     Live Yet Pre-recorded- Episode LIX of:

 Don’t Say the “M” Word!

         

         A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded

J: Hey we’re back!

         D: Live yet pre-recorded!

         J: Here on silent radio!

         D: We’re Jonathan and Drew!

         J: And some just keep calling us the Anal Brothers!

         POW: That would be me now wouldn’t it?

         J: Stop laughing Warren!

         D: Still don’t quite understand that one Jonathan?

         J: Really no need to Drew!

         POW: Just go with the flow fellows! Oh! Sorry fellows! Constipated once again!

         W: Here’s something to help boys!

         D: Dare we say?

         W: Indeed! Some Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn! It’ll clean you two right out!

         J&D: Thank you!

         W: Very welcome my darlings!

         D: NOAC: You didn’t really finish the Tell Of Tales or TOT concerning The Legend of Walter Ohno and his sweet-heart Becky-Sue!

         POW: Yeah NOAC! Kinda leaving one hanging there! You know! Limp-like!

         D: Been there!

         J: Done that!

         POW: The Anal Brothers notwithstanding! What’s up? Days and days telling this tale and what’d we get!

         J&D: Hanging limp!

         D: Been there!

         J: Done that!

         Mr.NOAC: Firstly!

         POW: Yes!

         Mr.NOAC: That’s “Mr.” NOAC to you Warren!

         POW: And what about Drew? He never uses “your” precious “Mr.” now does he?

         Mr.NOAC: Secondly! Drew’s a child…

         W: He’s a good boy! Cute and cuddly!

         D: And “your” cute and cuddly good boy would love some…

         W: Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn!

         D: You see! Cute and cuddly!

         W: And hopefully to be cleaned out by “our” Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn!

         J&D&NOAC&POW&MSC: Yes please!

         W: Get right to it!

         POW: Still waiting “Mr.” NOAC!

         Mr.NOAC: Thanks for the sarcasm Warren!

         J: No! Thanks for the Memories! And everybody sing!

         J&D&NOAC&POW&MSC&W: ‘Thanks for the memory Of rainy afternoons, swingy Harlem tunes Motor trips and burning lips and burning toast and prunes How lovely it was Thanks for the memory Of candlelight and wine, castles on the Rhine The Parthenon, and moments on the Hudson River line How lovely it was Many's the time that we feasted And many's the time that we fasted Oh well, it was swell while it lasted We did have fun, and no harm done So thanks for the memory Of crap games on the floor, nights in Singapore You might have been a headache, but you never were a bore I thank you so much Thanks for the memory Of China's funny walls, transatlantic calls That weekend at Niagara when we hardly saw the falls How lovely that was Thanks for the memory Of lunch from twelve to four, sunburn at the shore That pair of gay pajamas that you bought and never wore Say, by the way, what did happen to those pajamas? Letters with sweet little secrets That couldn't be put in a day wire Too bad it all had to go haywire That's life, I guess, I love your dress Do you? Thanks for the memory Of faults that you forgave, rainbows on a wave And stockings in the basin when a fellow needs a shave I thank you so much Thanks for the memory Of Gardens at Versailles, and beef and kidney pie The night you worked and then came home with lipstick on your tie How lovely that was Thanks for the memory Of lingerie with lace, and Pilsner by the case And how I jumped the day you trumped my one and only ace How lovely that was We said goodbye with a highball And I got as high as a steeple But we were intelligent people No tears, no fuss, hooray for us Strictly entre nous, darling, how are you? And how are all those little dreams that never did come true? Awfully glad I met you, cheerio, tootle-oo Thank you, thank you!’

         D: Just love that Bob Hope & Shirley Ross!

         Mr.NOAC: How could anyone not?

         POW: Speaking of memories? What about the two love-birds?

         D: Yeah NOAC! What about Walter and Becky-Sue?

         J: I want some of this! What happened when Ohno was taken to hospital?

         POW: And wasn’t it just a little coincidental that Ohno was taken to the same hospital where Bruce Jefferys had been taken?

         J: And as the plot thickens…

         W: Some more Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn?

         J&D&POW&NOAC&MSC: Yes please!

         W: Get right to it my darlings!

         POW: Well “Mr.” NOAC! What about it?

         Mr.NOAC: We have to understand some very fundamental aspects to Life, the Universe and Everything or LUE if we’re going to appreciate the “coincidence” involved with Bruce Jefferys…

         MSC: CEO and founder of Com.com! Mighty online retail giant!

         J&D: All praise TheJefferys!

         Mr.NOAC: To do this! We need to start “our” Tell Of Tales or TOT concerning Brother Andrew the Heretic and how his life’s intertwined with that of Bruce Jefferys and his online retail company, Com.com!

         POW: TheMightyCom!

         J&D: All praise TheJefferys!

         MSC: And people!

         J&D&POW&NOAC&W: Yes?

         MSC: I’ll be paying close attention to this!

         POW: Understood! Let us begin! “Mr.” NOAC please!

The idea of hell has been turned into an instrument of intimidation, of religious and moral terrorism.

         

 Mr.NOAC: This was written by Nikolai Berdyaev from his ‘The Destiny of Man’…

         D: Nikolai Berdyaev?

         Mr.NOAC: We’ll get to him later Drew! But I will say this…

         POW: I’d imagine you would!

         Mr.NOAC: Berdyaev’s integral to “our” Tell Of Tales or TOT!

         POW: Very well than! Let’s get back to it! “Mr.” NOAC please!

Our souls may lose their peace and even disturb other people's, if we are always criticizing trivial actions - which often are not real defects at all, but we construe them wrongly through our ignorance of their motives...

-Saint Teresa of Avila

The Legend of Brother Andrew the Heretic:

Mr. NOAC: At the Malankara Syrian Orthodox Theological Seminary in Udayagiri India there lays a small village called Vettickal about four kilometers from Mulanthuruthy. It’s here where the Malankara Syrian Orthodox Theological Seminary stands which contains a theological college, library, chapel, auditorium, guesthouse, staff quarters, printing press, and hostel for students, and houses for both brotherhoods as well as sisterhoods.

         POW: And this’ important because?

Mr.NOAC: For it’s also here that Brother Andrew claimed his fate as well as his fame as he became the Heretic who’d been defrocked by the Syrian Orthodox church for his insistence that Holy Scripture never taught the Eternal Damnation or ED of the soul.

D: Wouldn’t that hurt NOAC?

J: Hell’s gonna hurt a whole lot Drew!

MSC: I’d imagine it would! But as for those Filthy Socialists and Communist and Unionist or FSCU? Well! They’re getting exactly what they deserve!

D: Not hell people! Being defrocked! Sounds awfully painful!

POW: Moving forward in “our” story! “Mr.’ NOAC please!

Mr.NOAC: In his work ‘The Symbol of My Damnation’ Brother Andrew dispels the notion that Apokatatasis…

D: Now that sounds really painful!

J: Believe that’s a Greek word Drew!

POW: Right! ‘Clever chaps those Greeks’ as NOAC likes to say!

Mr.NOAC: Its better known name Drew is ‘Universal Salvation’ or US which’s something that has always been on the fringe of Christian doctrine! It’s the declaration of God’s intention to be, as the Apostle Paul states in his letter to the Corinthians [15:28] ‘… so that God may be all in all’ as this belief has always been an untold story in the account of the early Christian church and its history.

POW: More theology from “Mr.” NOAC! Going forward please!

Mr.NOAC: Brother Andrew’s work details some of the marginalized players in the formation of church doctrine many of whom in fact held a solid majority in the early church who’d embraced this teaching. But sadly, there has always been this “so-called” vocal majority which shouted down so many who would have surely articulated coherent if not eloquent positions in clarity had the playing field been fair or perhaps level concerning this very doctrine.

J: We know about that “so-called” majority!

D: Always spewing their opinions of “this” “that” and the other “thing”! Boring!

Mr.NOAC: More to the point: Those who’d actually tried to demonstrate scriptural and historical justification for this doctrine had been bullied…

D: Bullied? Like on the playground?

POW: Jonathan?

J: Yes Warren?

POW: How does he breath?

J: It’s a miracle!

POW: No doubt! “Mr.” NOAC, continue please!

Mr.NOAC: Silenced throughout church history as they have been beaten and put to death! Ex-communicated, exiled; thrown out onto the street if given a position or voice in the church or school of theology in the first place.

D: Kinda extreme don’t yah think? NOAC?

J: Religion Drew! Think religion! Become extreme!

POW: Indeed! Getting extremely close to being outta time! If not! Outta mind! “Mr.” NOAC please!

Mr.NOAC: More to this! The Christian church had been made to look ridiculous for holding such positions concerning Eternal Damnation or ED!

POW: ED?

D: Been there!

J: Done that!

POW: Yeah fellows! Going limp for eternity! Punishment enough I’d imagine! Because?

J&D: We’re never gonna be the Property Brothers?

POW: But who are actually?

J&D: The poor unfortunate Anal Brothers!

POW: Spending Eternity Damned or ED being limp!

MSC: The sentence fits the crime! Always has! Always will!

POW: And therefore let us finish! “Mr.” NOAC please!

Mr.NOAC: For Brother Andrew this was wrong as it had been ungodly behavior. And for all of this, Brother Andrew was forced to leave as he said goodbye to his beloved life of solitude, prayer, writing and study. But it could have been worse, much worse!

J&D: How much worse can you get then being anal with a limp…

Mr.NOAC: This’ how! ‘Burn the heretic!’ shouted the Bishop. ‘Ah, we don’t do that anymore your holiness,’ whispered a nearby priest into the ear of the Bishop. ‘It’s kind of illegal nowadays don’t you know.’

D: So what happened to Brother Andrew NOAC?

Mr.NOAC: It went like this! ‘Oh for the good old days!’ lamented the Bishop as he turned back to Brother Andrew while softly pronouncing: ‘Just leave and let yourself be damned for eternity as you close the door quietly behind you!’ and so declared the Church of Christ in the person of the Bishop of the Malankara Syrian Orthodox Theological Seminary in Udayagiri India.

J&D: WOW!

Mr.NOAC: Question then! So what’s a damned soul to do whose been tossed out on his ass from the Malankara Syrian Orthodox Theological Seminary in Udayagiri India and left for an Eternity of Burning In Hell or EBIH?

POW: And the answer “Mr.” NOAC please!

J&D: Down with EBIH! May EBIH burn in Hell!

Mr.NOAC: Answer! Head to Seattle, Washington, United States of Say We Ain’t Gonna Eternally Burn In Hell Here or USSWAGEBIHH in America! And join the fun loving crew at the Seattle1 Fulfillment Center or FC just this side of above stated “Hell!” And so it seemed that God was pushing Brother Andrew around once again!

J&D: Sure sounds like God!

POW: How’s that guys?

J&D: Always pushing somebody around!

POW: God or the church?

J&D: That’s gonna need some ‘splaining for certain!

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To our cherished listeners out there hopefully if not finally glad to “not” be “VIEWING” “their” Com.com’s Live Streaming Service or CCLSS! But instead listening to our ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded here at The Spank the Monkey Café in the heart of downtown Seattle, Washington of the United States of Go American BaseBall Only Here or USGABBH in: America!! I’m Producer Only Warren or POW and many thanks once again to “our” cherished listeners who are finally delighted that ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded has returned! We’re so sorry you had to live through that nasty “VIEWING” pardon the language, Crap or C! I mean to say! Really SORRY! But I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while again leaving any semblance of rational thought at the door as for the sake of TheJefferys: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? Never understood that one but hey folks! We’re back! (Inspirational Pause!) And please cherished “LISTENERS”, come back next time to hopefully Find-Out-the-Facts or FOFs concerning the nature and cause of our Collective Delusion or CD as we Tell Our Tale or TOT of Misery or M here in a land known as America! Please stay safe and always watch out for those Frenzied, Extremely Agitated Regrettables or FEAR who see their own reflection in the Mirrored Sunglasses or MSs of those who would Un-Naturally or UN ridicule our Blessed Way of Life here on Silent Radio or SR! And please! Make sure to thank TheJefferys! And so I’m pretty certain! And Good Night Irene!

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D: Jonathan?

         J: Yes Drew?

         D: I really don’t like the idea of people actually going to Hell!

         J: No one does Drew! At least no one I’ve talked to!

         MSC: Oh but I know who’s going there!

         J&D: And that might be?

         MSC: Those Filthy Socialists and Communist and Unionist or FSCUs! That’s who!

         J&D&POW&NOAC&W: Whatever!