Don't Say the "M" Word!
Damn all those lairs in the United States of Every Freaking Thing Now Belongs To Those Dishonest Insincere Two-Faced Forked-Tongued Double-Dealing Dualistic Whimsically Impulsive Deceitful Corporations Here in America!
Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Live Yet Pre-recorded- Episode LVII of:
Don’t Say the “M” Word!
A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded
J: Hey we’re back and ready to make some changes!
D: I like changes!
MSC: I don’t!
NSPS: I can do with them or without! Depends!
OPW: On?
NSPS: How those changes affect me!
J: Speaking of which!
NSPS: Jonathan?
J: Warren’s back as Producer or P…
OPW: Great!
J: And SASMO’s now “our” New On-Air Commentator or NOAC!
NOAC: NOAC? I’m a God damn NOAC? What the hell’s that?
J: Hell? You can go ahead and crawl back and continue to slave away at that Amazon.com facility in Moreno Valley, California in the United States of Don’t Send Me Back to That Hell-Hole Ontario 6 or USDSMBTHHO6 in: America! Or! You can become “our” New On-Air Commentator or NOAC and be happily employed by ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ live yet pre-recorded here at The Spank the Monkey Café in the heart of downtown Seattle, Washington in the United States of Hey Ain’t It Grand to Be Employed Somewhere Here or USHAIGBESH in: America!
D: Dreadful if you ask me NOAC!
NOCA: That’s “Mr.” NOAC to the lot of you!
J: Then we’re agreed! SASMO becomes “Mr.” NOAC and Warren’s back as Producer Only Warren or POW!
POW: So I’m now a God damned POW?
D: Well that’s a relief! Kind of anyway?
J: How’s that Drew?
D: I was always confused as to who was who and what’s what?
J&PW&NOAC&MSC&W: What?
D: The New Show Producer SASMO or NSPS was always taking to “Mr.” SASMO! I was lost most of the time! To TheJefferys! It was hard to keep up! They keep talkin’ to themselves!
J&PW&NOAC&MSC&W: What?
D: I needed a scorecard to keep track of things!
POW: I suggest we just leave that one alone!
J&D&NOAC&MSC&W: Agreed!
POW: And so then! Let’s all get back into The Legend of Walt Ohno! “Mr.” NOAC, please!
J: Agreed! Everybody sing!
J&D&POW&NOAC&MSC&W: ‘Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner But he knew it couldn't last. Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona For some California grass. Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back Jojo, go home Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Back to where you once belonged. Get back Jo. Sweet Loretta Martin thought she was a woman But she was another man All the girls around her say she's got it coming But she gets it while she can Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back LorettaYour mother's waiting for you Wearing her high-heel shoes And her low-neck sweater Get back Loretta, Get back, get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged.’
J: Once more please!
J&D&POW&NOAC&MSC&W: ‘Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner But he knew it couldn't last. Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona For some California grass. Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back Jojo, go home Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Back to where you once belonged. Get back Jo. Sweet Loretta Martin thought she was a woman But she was another man All the girls around her say she's got it coming But she gets it while she can Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back LorettaYour mother's waiting for you Wearing her high-heel shoes And her low-neck sweater Get back Loretta, Get back, get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged.’
D: Some Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn please?
W: Get right to it hons!
J&D&POW&NOAC&MSC: Thank you!
W: Never a problem my sweet, polite darlings!
Some say a host of horsemen, others of infantry and others of ships, is the most beautiful thing on the dark earth but I say, it is what you love. Full easy it is to make this understood of one and all: for she that far surpassed all mortals in beauty, Helen her most noble husband Deserted, and went sailing to Troy, with never a thought for her daughter and dear parents.
Mr.NOAC: This passage is from Homer’s ‘The Iliad’ and it gives us a slight glance into Helen of Troy!
POW: And this’ important because?
Mr.NOAC: Walt Ohno’s about to entire into the relationship of a lifetime!
POW: In which case! Onward and upward! “Mr.” NOAC, continue please!
Mr.NOAC: The third inning saw little difference from that of the proceeding two as the Angel hitters came to know only frustration and defeat; a total of nine pitches and back to his hunter-gathers cave dwelling still known as the home dugout. And while Walt Ohno’s step seemed little and airy, in reality; a heaviness began to set in whereas a dangerous happenstance waited on the horizon.
D: Why was there heaviness in Walt Ohno’s step NOAC?
J: And what was that dangerous happenstance waiting on the horizon?
Mr.NOAC: Getting there guys! Now listen! But still, given the facts at hand; Walt Ohno had thrown a total of fifteen pitches with little or no effort on his part. And with a third of the game having dissipated, a now sitting pitcher could relax and enjoy the quiet nature of internal deliberation: ‘Where did we meet anyway?’ Walter asked himself how it all began.
D: How did it all begin?
Mr.NOAC: She was brightness personified in the strictest sense of such things; an outgoing young woman who smiled brightly even on the toughest of occasions. And this was exactly where they had met as preparations for ‘finals’ week began in earnest: ‘I’m Becky-Sue from Tupelo, Mississippi and I’ll be your tutor.’
D: I always hated finals week!
J: You never made it past the seventh grade Drew!
D: Yeah! But I saw some on TV! Some stupid…
J: Ass Scratchingly Stupid or ASS!
D: Some dumb-assed retread comedy about antics at a Fraternity House or FH!
POW: Great guys! But can we please get back…
J&D&POW&NOAC&MSC&W: ‘Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner But he knew it couldn't last. Jojo left his home in Tucson, Arizona For some California grass. Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back Jojo, go home Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Back to where you once belonged. Get back Jo. Sweet Loretta Martin thought she was a woman But she was another man All the girls around her say she's got it coming But she gets it while she can Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back Loretta Your mother's waiting for you Wearing her high-heel shoes And her low-neck sweater Get back Loretta, Get back, get back to where you once belonged Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged. Get back, get back. Get back to where you once belonged.’
D: Once more!
J: I’d like to say “thank you” on behalf of the group. And ourselves and I hope we passed the audition!
POW: Get back to The Legend of Walt Ohno? “Mr.” NOAC, please!
Mr.NOAC: My God she was sweetness incarnate as she dripped honey-suckle mirth from every pore in her body: ‘God she smells so nice!’ Walter silently to himself.
D: Girls are that way!
J: What way’s that Drew?
D: Always smelling so nice! So sweet! So pleasant!
J: Not like us guys!
POW: I sense an ad-lib commercial coming on!
J&D: ‘To end that horrible male odor! You know! That mannish stench pervading from every orifice on your body! Hey! Wake up dudes and apply ‘Mascuroma’ from the good people of The Mayfield Conglomerate (?)!’
POW: I feel a Tremor in the Force or TF here! Do we have to do this guys?
J&D: Yes!
POW: Very well then! “Mr.” NOAC, please!
D: Warren?
POW: Yes Drew?
D: I use ‘Mascuroma’ every morning after I shower!
POW: Sorry Drew but it isn’t working!
D: Damn those lairs at The Mayfield Conglomerate (?)!
POW: Agreed! Damn all those lairs in the United States of Every Freaking Thing Now Belongs To Those Dishonest Insincere Two-Faced Forked-Tongued Double-Dealing Dualistic Whimsically Impulsive Deceitful Corporations Here or USEFTNBTTDITFFTDDDWIDCH in America!
The power of the concept of sustainable development is that it both reflects and evokes a latent shift in our vision of how the economic activities of human beings are related to the natural world- an ecosystem which is finite, non-growing, and materially closed. The demands of these activities on the containing ecosystem for regeneration of raw material “inputs” and absorption of waste “outputs” must, I will argue, be kept at ecologically sustainable levels as a condition of sustainable development.
Mr.NOAC: This passage from Herman E. Daly’s ‘Beyond Growth’ truly captures the spirit if not force of The Mayfield Conglomerate (?) which was established during World War II in an attempt to remedy an across the board spread of VD or Venereal Disease among the Ass Scratchingly Stupid or ASS…
J&D: Total dumb-asses!
Mr.NOAC: Indeed! The totally dumb-assed enlisted men of the United States Armed Forces or USAFs engaged with the powerful Axis Forces or AFs who themselves were also, that is the before mentioned Ass Scratchingly Stupid or ASS, totally dumb-assed enlisted men, trying to stop the spread of this terrible social disease.
D: Been there!
J: Done that!
Mr.NOAC: And without such eradication of the before mentioned Social Disease or SD, the war could have actually been lost!
J&D: Damn those dumb-assed enlisted men!
Mr.NOAC: Indeed! Well hell’s bells, how you gonna fight the damn war when your Wilbur’s on fire and you’re scratching your sensitive genital area half to death?
D: Been there!
J: Done that!
Mr.NOAC: Anyway, a solution was sought as Harris Mayfield was engaged to remedy the Fire In The Hole or FITH problem! That is, as it were, existing on the various battlefields around the globe. And it was from this humble beginning that the All Powerful Hygienic Conglomerate or APHC became a household name throughout the known world.
MSC: They’re on my top ten list for Conglomerate or C of the Year!
Mr.NOAC: And it was this before mentioned known world, that’s to suggest, the Civilized World or CW which became the obsession of Franklin Mayfield who’d inherited this vast empire from his uncle Harris Mayfield.
D: A real go-getter to be certain!
Mr.NOAC: Not really! For you see, there existed a problem in the unknown or uncivilized universe whereas aboriginal peoples everywhere refused to scrub Chemically Enhanced or CE deodorant underneath their hairy, stinky arm-pits: How uncouth!
MSC: Totally!
Mr.NOAC: Look! When the women’s refuse to place a, once again, Chemically Enhanced or CE tampon inside their Vulnerable Vaginal Region or VVR during their time of the month or people reject the use of, once more for the record, Chemically Enhanced or CE toilet paper to properly clean their Sensitive Anal Area or SAA! Once again, hell’s bells! The world’s in trouble and needing an Enlightened, Advanced Fix or EAF!
MSC: And that Enlightened, Advanced Fix or EAF is? “Mr.” NOAC, please!
D: Wait just a moment!
J: Why Drew?
D: I wanna know why we need Chemically Enhanced or CE hygienic produces?
J: I believe we’ve already covered that Drew!
D: What?
J: ‘To end that horrible male odor! You know! That mannish stench pervading from every orifice on your body! Hey! Wake up dudes and apply ‘Mascuroma’ from the good people of The Mayfield Conglomerate (?)!’
D: ‘Mascuroma’ is Chemically Enhanced or CE?
J: How else you gonna get rid of that “dude” smell Drew?
MSC: Or for that matter! That untimely dudet un-freshness!
Mr.NOAC: Through Chemically Enhanced or CE products! Listen! Modern Hygienic Materials or MHM, in the explosive opinion of The Mayfield Conglomerate (?) “must” be introduced to this yet to be named Exploited, Untapped Potential or EUP!
POW: And that might be the Natives or Ns?
Mr.NOAC: Correct! Also, speaking of things which needed to be fixed; it seems Franklin Mayfield had become extremely bored to tears with the manufacturing of tampons and toilet paper and condoms and the such as he sought bigger and better fields of opportunity to amuse his somewhat limited imagination! ‘Gentleman, and yes, hi there Lydia!’ Franklin Mayfield addressing the Board of Directors or BD of The Mayfield Conglomerate (?)! ‘We’re ready to enter that state of being known as “The BigTime” or TBT!’
D: Been to The BigTime or TBT and back!
J: Several times!
Mr.NOAC: Now did I not mention that Franklin Mayfield was, and I quote: somewhat limited [in his] imagination? Why yes I did! But more to this: Franklin Mayfield was the luckiest bastard in the universe, known or otherwise and here’s why!
J&D: Why’s that NOAC?
Mr.NOAC: Think about what would have happened to the Corleone family of ‘The God Father’ film fame if Michael Corleone had been killed by Don Barzini as had been planned? What would have become of the family if Fredo Corleone (I’m smart! The hell you are!) had actually become boss? All hell would have broken lose as the family would most likely have crumbled.
D: I can see that!
Mr.NOAC: Here’s the story! Harris Mayfield, founder and CEO of The Mayfield Conglomerate (?) and his son Vance Mayfield mysteriously disappeared while skiing in Aspen, Colorado but were finally discovered after the thaw and were people in the industry ever shocked when the final Will and Testament of Harris Mayfield had left the entire family empire and its fortune to Franklin Mayfield in the event of Vance Mayfield being unable or unwilling to take the reigns of leadership.
MSC: I read about that case!
Mr.NOAC: In the news it was suggested that it wasn’t an accident! But as a matter of fact it was an accident and this is why Franklin Mayfield was the luckiest bastard in the universe, known or otherwise. He never possessed the imagination or ability to construct something so detailed as killing his uncle and cousin; truly, it never would have crossed his tiny little mind (I’m smart! The hell you are!). Again, Franklin Mayfield was the luckiest bastard in the universe, known or otherwise as his longtime assistant took control of the vast Mayfield Empire while pulling the puppet strings of Franklin Mayfield: (I’m smart! The hell you are!)
MSC: Also saw it on TV!
Mr.NOAC: And it was shortly after the reading of the will and his advancement as Head of the Family that Franklin Mayfield “suddenly” was inspired to move forward into what became known in the Mayfield Boardroom as The BigTime or TBT! ‘Energy people! We’re going to move forward into the energy field, particularly hydro-electric power. And there’s more!’ Franklin Mayfield indicating to his personal assistant that she should pass around a copy of the business plan to all those assembled here in the Boardroom.
D: Great story! Sure could use some…
W: More Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn?
D: You bet jah!
W: Get right to it!
D: Thank you! You’re a dear!
W: Such a sweet boy!
Mr.NOAC: It went like this! ‘Thank you Sheila!’ And it had become official as Sheila Cummings had taken over complete control of The Mayfield Conglomerate (?) with little or no effort on her part. And oh by the way, that accident in Aspen, Colorado which I called an actual accident just a few paragraphs ago? Well it wasn’t! And if I might add a line from Book One of Zen & The Art of Mastur…
J&D&POW&MSC&W: Don’t Say the “M” Word NOAC!
Mr.NOAC: Would think of it! Experience the End of the Aeon at The Spank the Monkey Café- a Farce or Love Story, I’m not certain which as to the nature of the relationship between Franklin Mayfield and Sheila Cummings, and I quote from Book One: ‘And it really doesn’t hurt that she’s boldly beautiful and yes, possessing big tits as T&A will open more doors than it closes!’
Mr.NOAC: Indeed, an enormous door had been opened for this boldly beautiful young woman who merely had to spread open her alluring exquisite legs every once in a while for ‘that pig!’ and his totally arrogant miscalculation of his before mentioned personal assistant! (I’m smart! The hell you are!) Oh but my tiny minded readers: More of this later! ?
J&D: We want more! More! More! More!
Mr.NOAC: And while Walt Ohno might have been “A” big man on campus…
POW: Thank you “Mr.” NOAC!
Mr.NOAC: Cal State Fullerton being a baseball powerhouse throughout the ages; and while he might have come from the most outgoing couple in the entire universe, known or otherwise, hey; young Walter was as shy as shy can be when around the opposite sex: ‘I’m sorry,’ Walt fumbling for something to say. ‘That’s, how you say, Too-puh-loh?’ Walt was nearing blackout and knew it! Actually, he was in a panic hoping blackout would come: It didn’t!
J&D: Never does!
Mr.NOAC: ‘Tupelo Mississippi!’ Damn! Her laugh alone would put Helen of Troy to shame as the gods were toying with Walt Ohno for the simple enjoyment of witnessing the complete nervous breakdown of a young warrior trying his best not to fumble around this dazzling girl from ‘Too-puh-loh Mis-uh-sip-ee!’ Oh shit! ‘Did I say that correctly?’
D: Doesn’t sound like it!
POW: Silent radio Drew! Doesn’t matter one bit!
Mr.NOAC: Well! She just smiled at him and maybe laughed a little bit: ‘No silly!’ And as she was giggling while playing with the handsome ball player: ‘But close enough!’ A wink and a nod: ‘Let’s get to work!’ And boy did they ever as their passion would eventually surmount even that of Tracy and Hiroto Ohno on the Richter scale as they certainly became a noisy pair in bed if there ever were one: ‘You two wanna knock it off!’ People from the dorm replied in earnest: “It’s two in the frecking morning!’ Oh but they just laughed while cooling off in their ‘love nest’ so named by Becky-Sue from Tupelo, Mississippi!
J&W: Wow!
Mr.NOAC: And it was a deep fly ball to the right field warning tract and inning over as the Mariner hitters once again smacked the living shit out of the Angel pitchers who’d ventured much too close to total submission; six more runs but still plenty of action as Walt Ohno returned to his tiny island habitation still resembling the pitcher’s mound.
J&D: Great show!
POW: Another one for the record books!
MSC: Hardly!
POW: And that’s a good bye and good night to “our” cherished listeners!
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To our cherished listeners out there hopefully if not finally glad to “not” be “VIEWING” “their” Com.com’s Live Streaming Service or CCLSS! But instead listening to our ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded here at The Spank the Monkey Café in the heart of downtown Seattle, Washington of the United States of I Believe in BaseBall Here or USIBBBH in: America!! I’m the New Show Producer SASMO or NSPS and many thanks once again to “our” cherished listeners who are finally delighted that ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded has returned! We’re so sorry you had to live through that nasty “VIEWING” pardon the language, Crap or C! I mean to say! Really SORRY! But I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while again leaving any semblance of rational thought at the door as for the sake of TheJefferys: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? Never understood that one but hey folks! We’re back! (Inspirational Pause!) And please cherished “LISTENERS”, come back next time to hopefully Find-Out-the-Facts or FOFs concerning the nature and cause of our Collective Delusion or CD as we Tell Our Tale or TOT of Misery or M here in a land known as America! Please stay safe and always watch out for those Frenzied, Extremely Agitated Regrettables or FEAR who see their own reflection in the Mirrored Sunglasses or MSs of those who would Un-Naturally or UN ridicule our Blessed Way of Life here on Silent Radio or SR! And please! Make sure to thank TheJefferys! And so I’m pretty certain! And Good Night Irene!
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D: Jonathan?
J: Yes Drew?
D: I’m glad those two found each other!
J: So am I!
D: Looking forward to hearing what became of them.
J: Silent radio Drew! Can’t hear!
D: Still!
J: What?
D: Remember! A heaviness in Walt Ohno’s step! And what’s gonna be that dangerous happenstance waiting on the horizon?
J: Well then! Tune in next time and find out!
D: I will!
J: Drew?
D: Yes Jonathan?
J: You work here!
D: Oh!
J: No! That’s Ohno!
J&D: Ohno! Ohno! Ohno!