Don't Say the "M" Word!
Happy Hippo, Angry Duck: A Book of Moods!
Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Live Yet Pre-recorded- Episode LVI of:
Don’t Say the “M” Word!
A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded
J: Hey! We’re back yet again!
D: And as that preverbal bad penny! We just keep on keeping on!
OPW: I believe it’s best stated as: ‘In the early days of the American Mint a penny had much more copper than it does now. They were easy to copy and you could actually buy stuff with them…
J&D: Stupid Ass Scratching Stuff or SASS you mean!
OPW: Right! A bad penny was one that you couldn’t use because it was believed to be fake. It always was the one you grabbed out of your pocket and got handed back to you! You had to throw it away to get rid of it!’
J&D: Just like us! Curt but cute!
MSC: And most certainly fake as that bad penny! FAKE NEWS ALERT!
J&D: Because?
J: We’re Jonathan and Drew!
D: Who’ll never aspire to be the Property Brothers!
MSC: Just another sad FAKE NEWS ALERT!
D: But still! Cute as a button!
NSPS: And as sad as that is! Let us now return to “our” on going, actual Tell Of Tales or TOT concerning the life and times of Walt Ohno and how he actually started the final countdown to earth’s extinction! “Mr.” SASMO, please!
J: WOW! Now wait just a moment please!
D: Gotta change my shorts on that one!
OPW: And just what the hell are you talkin’ ‘bout, “Mr.” SASMO please!
NSPS: Sounds more like Woe or W Warren! Explanation “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: All in good time! Many details! Ins and outs! You know! Stuff like that there!
OPW: Sounds more like SASS to me!
J&D: That’s Stupid Ass Scratching Stuff by the way!
NSPS: So then! By your leave! “Mr.” SASMO! Please! Detail “our” destruction to us completely!
Mr.SASMO: And everybody sing!
J&D&NSPS&OPW&MSC&W: ‘The eastern world it is explodin’ violence flarin’, bullets loadin’ You're old enough to kill but not for votin’ You don't believe in war, what's that gun you’re totin’ And even the Jordan river has bodies floatin’ But you tell me over and over and over again my friend Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction Don't you understand, what I’m trying to say? Can’t you feel the fear that I’m feeling today? If the button is pushed, there's no running away There’ll be no one to save with the world in a grave Take a look around you, boy, it’s bound to scare you, boy But you tell me over and over and over again my friend Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction Yeah, my blood’s so mad, feels like coagulatin’ I’m sittin’ here just contemplatin’ I can't twist the truth, it knows no regulation Handful of Senators don’t pass legislation And marches alone can't bring integration When human respect is disintegratin’ This whole crazy world is just too frustratin’ And you tell me over and over and over again my friend Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction Think of all the hate there is in Red China Then take a look around to Selma, Alabama Ah, you may leave here for four days in space But when you return it's the same old place The poundin’ of the drums, the pride and disgrace You can bury your dead but don’t leave a trace Hate your next door neighbor but don’t forget to say grace And you tell me over and over and over and over again my friend Ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of destruction!’
D: I miss good ole Barry McGuire! What’s happened to him by the way?
J: Got Religion or R!
D: Too bad! He was great when angry!
NSPS: But now he’s happy and all! You know! Bubbly with joy! Smiling For the Happy Mr. Jesus or SFHMJ!
D: Hard to believe that all that anger’s gone!
J: Reminds me of Sandra Boynton’s seminal work ‘Happy Hippo, Angry Duck: A Book of Moods!’
NSPS: Oh please do share with the class Jonathan!
J: Love to! Basically! The two minute read let’s us know that social interaction has it’s pit-falls!
NSPS: Do tell!
J: The Happy Hippo just loves to smile! Loves to dance! And well! Golly Gee or GG! He’s just ever so pleasant to be around!
D: We all know some of “those” people!
OPW: “Those” annoying people!
J: Indeed we do! But as for the Angry Duck! He sees why there’s anger in this world and he lets you know about it!
D: Kinda like SASMO!
J: Yeah! Kinda like SASMO!
D: Why are you so angry SASMO? Can’t even give a little smile for the Happy Smiling Mr. Jesus or HSMJ?
Mr.SASMO: Has the Happy Smiling Mr. Jesus or HSMJ ever worked for Amazon.com?
OPW: Never read that one in the gospels!
Mr.SASMO: Indeed! Neither have I! And if you all remember…
J&D&OPW&MSC&W: You’re a trained theologian! Yeah! We get it!
D: Oh! Oh! I remember! The Happy Smiling Mr. Jesus or HSMJ worked for Com.com!
Mr.SASMO: And what became of him Drew?
D: Terminated!
OPW: Un-Freaking-Mercifully or UFM I might add!
Mr.SASMO: Sent him packing! And Please Pardon the Pun or PPP! Anyway! The Smiling Happy Mr. Jesus or SHMJ was told outright by those Jolly Little Jokers at Com.com or JLJCc: ‘No room at the Inn! Now get your bleeding-heart little ass back out on the streets where you belong!’
J: And everybody sing!
J&D&NSPS&OPW&MSC&W: ‘Away in a manger no crib for a bed The little lord Jesus laid down his sweet head The stars in the bright sky looked down where he lay The little lord Jesus asleep on the hay. The cattle are lowing the baby awakes But little lord Jesus no crying he makes. I love you lord Jesus; look down from the sky And stay by my side until morning is nigh. Be near me lord Jesus I ask you to stay Close by me for ever, and love me, I pray. Bless all the dear children in your tender care, And fit us for heaven, to live with you there.’
OPW: Just more homelessness thanks to the good people at Com.com and Amazon.com and Walmart and all those other corporations who believe in the orthodoxy of ‘Shop Until You Drop’ or SUYD!
J: Or until the credit’s maxed-out!
D: Because of the low wages paid by these “devoted” business people!
Mr.SASMO: Listen to this one by Harvey Cox, a distinguished American Christian scholar!
Expecting a terra incognita, I found myself instead in the land of déjà vu. The lexicon of The Wall street Journal and the business sections of Time and Newsweek turned out to bear a striking resemblance to Genesis, the Epistles to the Romans, and Saint Augustine’s City of God. Behind descriptions of market reforms, monetary policy, and the convolutions of the Dow, I gradually made out the pieces of a grand narrative about the inner meaning of human history, why things had gone wrong, and how to put them right. Theologians call these myths of origin, legends of the fall, and doctrines of sin and redemption. But here they were again, and in only thin disguise: chronicles about the creation of wealth, the seductive temptations of statism, captivity to faceless economic cycles, and ultimately, salvation through the advent of free markets, with a small dose of ascetic belt tightening along the way!
Mr.SASMO: So therefore we have every reason to be angry and communicate as to why we are burdened by market forces which push us to the limit! ANGRY! I’m furiously outraged by the treatment we working people, some call us ‘Main-Street’ or MS, receive from the Prophets of Commerce or PC!
J&D: PC Crap or PCC you mean!
MSC: Oh come on! This’ heresy! FAKE NEWS ALERT!
Mr.SASMO: See! See! Religious language in the realm of Commerce or C! Heresy or H!
NSPS: And as stated in “our” last Epistle, sorry! “Our” last Episode! In the case of Walt Ohno? “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: One last thing please!
NSPS: Very well! One last thing! And “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: Heretics are burned! Just ask Brother Andrew the Heretic!
D: Ah haw! Told you so! We need to unravel the mystery of the unknown former monk who’d been defrocked by the Malankara Syrian Orthodox Theological Seminary in Udayagiri India.
D: Is that actual burning for heresy SASMO?
J: Think he’s being metaphoric Drew!
D: Oh?
Mr.SASMO: But it can be quite literal what with being thrown out on the street which can lead to physical harm not to mention psychological and emotional impairment!
NSPS: Obviously! But getting back to Walt Ohno and what became of the comatose Bruce Jefferys!
J&D: All praise TheJefferys! All praise TheJefferys!
Mr.SASMO: See! Religion/Commerce or RC!
NSPS: So then! Back to “our” sports update!
Mr.SASMO: More Religion/Commerce or RC!
NSPS: Can’t we just finish our story about Walt Ohno, please?
Mr.SASMO: Very well!
NSPS: Thank you! And “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: Walt Ohno was forced to toughen up and fight back as day after day saw the continual nature of the school yard taunts: ‘Your American mother’s nothing but a whore!’ ( 娼婦) And the fights began as would the suspension of young Ohno but not the other boys as ‘Walter was obviously the aggressor who threw the first punch.’
J: Poor form!
D: Not fair!
Mr.SASMO: Hiroto Ohno’s honoring of his son’s loyalty to his beautiful mother was a constant reminder that ‘you are my son and your beautiful mother is my wife’ (かみさん) as Hiroto winked to his son delightfully stating ‘and the rest can simply go to hell!’
J&D: Straight to Hell! Straight to Hell!
Mr.SASMO: See! More Religion or R! Anyway! There was no way in this present journey that Hiroto Ohno would ever abandon his love or his loyalty to those he cared for: ‘I glow in the presence of such time-honored duty my son!’
D: Kinda like the Crawl Space or CS thing?
Mr.SASMO: Kinda similar but not exactly Drew!
D: Sorry!
OPW: Nice try though!
NSPS: Moving on up with George Jefferson! “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: But listen! While life on the schoolyard might have been hell, out on the baseball diamond life was a tremendous adventure as no one saw Walt as the half-breed (混血児) outsider but more clearly he was the powerhouse pitcher that would vault the various teams he played on to fame and fortune: ‘Ohno!’ the cry of his teammates as they carried him off the field in victory after victory.
J&D: Ohno! Ohno! Ohno!
D: To TheJefferys! I love some…
W: Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn hons?
J&D&NSPS&MSC&OPW: Yes please!
D: Just like being at the ballpark!
J: Hot Diggity Dogs or HDD! Get ‘em while they’re Hot or H!
W: No Hot Diggity Dogs or HDD! Get ‘em while they’re Hot or H here at The Spank the Monkey Café just Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn!
NSPS: And Wezzy said! “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: And standing there for every victory and every defeat was Hiroto Ohno who’d congratulate his son’s effort no matter the circumstance, no matter the hurdles standing in his path! ‘Pride (プライド) and honor (名誉) my son!’ Hiroto would gracefully bow to his son in respect and loving kindness acknowledging the path that the father knew the son would follow.
J&D: Ohno! Ohno! Ohno!
W: Here’s your Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn hons?
J&D&NSPS&MSC&OPW: Thank you!
W: Never a problem my darlings!
Mr.SASMO: And here in his hunter-gathers cave Walt Ohno embraced the sadness of departure as three outs found its course whereas a journey back to his tiny island habitation still known as the pitchers mound reminded Walter of his voyage to an American college simply entitled ‘California State University at Fullerton’ as the rite of passage from childhood into to manhood continued.
J&D: WOW!
NSPS: And back at Group Health Center Hospital just down the street from the Corporate Headquarters or CH of Com.com? “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: To quote that moron John Rossman from ‘The Amazon Way’!
It is a company of control freaks run by control freaks and lorded over by the king of control freaks.
Mr.SASMO: In the deepest depths of his nearly deleted heart, Bruce Jefferys would not allow himself to go out like this; would not allow the darkness to descend upon his person as he’d be the one to decide when and where his life might end! And it was through this very action, this decision to be or not to be that the supreme leader of Competitive and most certainly Free Commerce or CFC stood his ground while laughing in the face of death’s determination!
J&D: What did TheJefferys do SASMO?
Mr.SASMO: ‘Google this you gruesome Son-Of-a-Bitch’ or SOB!
D: Is there a “real” meaning to SOB Jonathan?
MSC: No! FAKE NEWS ALERT entering the building!
J: Indeed there is Drew!
D: And what might that might be?
J: Standard Operational Bullshit or SOB!
D: Brought to you by?
J: Those good people or what we like to call ‘Jolly Little Jokers’ or JLJ at Com.com! Amazon.com! Fill In the Blank or FIB Multi-National Corporation or MNC existing here on planet blue!
NSPS: And back to reality! “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: And with a middle finger extended high in the air letting all know that Bruce Jefferys, CEO and founder of Com.com was no quitter! ‘And take your mother-freaking sickle with you!’ and so it was decided: ‘Always the timeline!’ To which the doctor stated: ‘What timeline’s that?’ Whereas Jefferys Personal Assistant or PA Steward replied: ‘I don’t know! Just keep him alive alright! I’ve still got a family!’ Worriedly the doctor finished with: ‘Indeed, so do I!’
J&D: Great show!
OPW: One for the record books!
MSC: Hardly!
NSPS: And that’s a good bye and good night to “our” cherished listeners!
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To our cherished listeners out there hopefully if not finally glad to “not” be “VIEWING” “their” Com.com’s Live Streaming Service or CCLSS! But instead listening to our ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded here at The Spank the Monkey Café in the heart of downtown Seattle, Washington of the United States of Go Canadian Hockey or GCH: America!! I’m the New Show Producer SASMO or NSPS and many thanks once again to “our” cherished listeners who are finally delighted that ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded has returned! We’re so sorry you had to live through that nasty “VIEWING” pardon the language, Crap or C! I mean to say! Really SORRY! But I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while again leaving any semblance of rational thought at the door as for the sake of TheJefferys: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? Never understood that one but hey folks! We’re back! (Inspirational Pause!) And please cherished “LISTENERS”, come back next time to hopefully Find-Out-the-Facts or FOFs concerning the nature and cause of our Collective Delusion or CD as we Tell Our Tale or TOT of Misery or M here in a land known as America! Please stay safe and always watch out for those Frenzied, Extremely Agitated Regrettables or FEAR who see their own reflection in the Mirrored Sunglasses or MSs of those who would Un-Naturally or UN ridicule our Blessed Way of Life here on Silent Radio or SR! And please! Make sure to thank TheJefferys! And so I’m pretty certain! And Good Night Irene!
* * *
D: Jonathan?
J: Yes Drew?
D: A little too much Religion or R I think!
J: Always a little too much Religion or R on ‘our” plates!
MSC: But once more please!
J&D&NSPS&OPW&MSC&W: ‘God bless America, land that I love, Stand beside her and guide her Through the night with a light from above. From the mountains, to the prairies, To the oceans white with foam, God bless America, My home sweet home. While the storm clouds gather far across the sea, Let us swear allegiance to a land that's free. Let us all be grateful for a land so fair, As we raise our voices in a solemn prayer God bless America, land that I love, Stand beside her and guide her Through the night with a light from above. From the mountains, to the prairies, To the oceans white with foam, God bless America, My home sweet home. God bless America, My home sweet home!’
D: See what I mean!
J: Indeed I do!