Don't Say the "M" Word!
Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Live Yet Pre-recorded- Episode XLIX of:
Don’t Say the “M” Word!
A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded
J: Hey! Good day and hopefully good news!
SPW: You want good news Jonathan?
J: Hit me with it Warren!
SPW: End the madness now!
J: Don’t quite understand what you’re trying to say?
D: It’s beyond me!
SPW: Goes without saying Drew!
D: What?
SPW: Let’s finish the continuing saga of the Assemblage of Youthful Passion or AYP, Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI, the Really Weird Dude and Babe high atop the Seattle Space Needle or SSN, please!
J&D: Get right to it!
SPW: “Mr.” SASMO, please!
The Tethered:
Mr.SASMO: The Tethered are working on a ‘personal network’ or ‘computer bus’ that’ll use the skin’s conductivity to receive transmitted data. Also highly engaged in a device which allows hand movements to change channels on the various electronic devices in the home. So with a certain movement of the hand, anything electronic in the house could be redirected to off or on, new channel or whatever!
D: I’d order one today if I had some disposable income!
J: We’re working people Drew! We don’t have No Stinkin’ Disposable Income or NSDI!
MSC: That another C or Censure people! Using that truly treasured plastic will get you anything you want! Just pull out the plastic…
J: And mastur…
D&SPW&MSC: Don’t use the “M” word Jonathan!
J: Wouldn’t think of it! In public!
D: Never!
SPW: The pace people! Watching the pace! “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: Later in the day on the eve of the great event, a scenario will be played out by this group while the product’s being discussed as they await the terror of being unplugged while sitting in session at The Spank the Monkey Café. Truly, gallows humor will be a dish best served steaming hot on this chilly December Seattle night.
SPW: Not going there Jonathan and Drew! The pace people! Watching the pace! “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: ‘What if,’ and so the conversation begins, ‘a household of deaf mutes installs the device?’ The laughter begins: ‘Wouldn’t that cause severe disruption of their devices as one hand movement is for one device and another hand movement for another?’ More laughter among the group as the conversation moves from the hysterical to the absurd. ‘We’d never be able to measure the chaos in the home even through simulation as the pandemonium could tear the house apart.’ And yes, more laughter still.
D: I’m getting myself into an embarrassing situation here!
J: Which is?
D: I’m gonna wet myself if I keep laughing!
Mr.SASMO: ‘Enough!’ states one of the tethered! ‘Who’d do such a thing to themselves? People aren’t that stupid are they?’
J&D: Yes they are!
Mr.SASMO: Stupid! Ass Scratchingly Stupid or ASS! True asses!
SPW: Correct! True asses all around! Once more then! The pace people! Watching the pace! “Mr.” SASMO please!
The Prisms:
Mr.SASMO: The Prisms are working, in conjunction with PharmaCom, toward a solution to the enormous problems which have arisen with use of modern technology.
D: I thought Modern Technology or MT’s only brought us good things? Jonathan?
J: You take the good, you take the bad! Hey! Everybody sing!
J&D&SPW&MSC&Mr.SASMO&W: ‘You take the good, you take the bad you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life...The Facts of Life There's a time you got to go and show You're growing now you know about The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you It takes a lot to get them right When you're learning the Facts of Life ... Learning the Facts of Life!’
J: Once more! Everybody!
J&D&SPW&MSC&Mr.SASMO&W: ‘You take the good, you take the bad you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life...The Facts of Life There's a time you got to go and show You're growing now you know about The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you It takes a lot to get them right When you're learning the Facts of Life ... Learning the Facts of Life!’
SPW: Back on track people! Watching the pace! “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: Once more for Show Producer Warren or SPW! Everybody sing!
J&D&SPW&MSC&Mr.SASMO&W: ‘You take the good, you take the bad you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life...The Facts of Life There's a time you got to go and show You're growing now you know about The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you It takes a lot to get them right When you're learning the Facts of Life ... Learning the Facts of Life!’
SPW: Balls!
MSC: (Laughing Out Load or LOL) That’s another C or Censure Warren!
SPW: Gonna put me back in the corner Ms. Show Censure or MSC?
MSC: Nah! But I’m gonna do this!
SPW: Don’t! Please!
MSC: Everybody sing!
J&D&SPW&MSC&Mr.SASMO&W: ‘You take the good, you take the bad you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life...The Facts of Life There's a time you got to go and show You're growing now you know about The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you It takes a lot to get them right When you're learning the Facts of Life ... Learning the Facts of Life!’
SPW: I hate that f**king show!
MSC: That’s another C or Censure Warren! Hey everybody! Once more for the Show Producer Warren or SPW!
J&D&SPW&MSC&Mr.SASMO&W: ‘You take the good, you take the bad you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life...The Facts of Life There's a time you got to go and show You're growing now you know about The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you It takes a lot to get them right When you're learning the Facts of Life ... Learning the Facts of Life!’
SPW: And why do I have to continually keep singing the song along with you people?
J: Because it’s everybody sing and you’re part of everybody sing!
J&D&SPW&MSC&Mr.SASMO&W: ‘You take the good, you take the bad you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life...The Facts of Life There's a time you got to go and show You're growing now you know about The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you It takes a lot to get them right When you're learning the Facts of Life ... Learning the Facts of Life!’
D: I miss that show!
SPW: Obviously I don’t! Now back on track! And we’re watching our pace! “Mr.” SASMO please!
Mr.SASMO: If you spend any significant time on a computer you might experience symptoms of Computer Vision Syndrome or CVS!
J&D: What?
Mr.SASMO: CVS! The symptoms appear because the eyes and brain react differently to words on a computer screen than they do to printed text.
J&D: Say it ain’t so “Mr.” SASMO!
MR.SASMO: I can’t boys!
MSC: Side Effects of Modern Living or SEML guys! Which means?
SPW: To TheJefferys! Oh the horror!
J&D&SPW&MSC&Mr.SASMO&W: ‘You take the good, you take the bad you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life...The Facts of Life There's a time you got to go and show You're growing now you know about The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you It takes a lot to get them right When you're learning the Facts of Life ... Learning the Facts of Life!’
SPW: You people don’t pay me enough for this nonsense! Now please! Back on track! “Mr.” SASMO!
Mr.SASMO: Presently the Prisms are attempting to create computer glasses which eliminate eyestrain, or asthenopia caused by the many different environmental and visual conditions. One such condition being presbyopia which’s the loss of the eye’s ability to change focus in order to see near objects, which by the way’s a normal condition associated with aging! In which case, one should consider purchasing a pair of computer glasses. And yes, said computer glasses will obviously be exclusive online at Com.com: Satisfaction guaranteed!
SPW: Next group of Techies please! “Mr.” SASMO!
The Nomads:
Mr.SASMO: The Nomads work on mobile devices for the automobile. They also work on devices for traveling on planes, trains, buses, etc. Yes, very boring if you will but much needed in today’s madcap speed demon racing world gone crazy whereas no one is able to sit still for more than a moment or two. Hey guys and gals in the Nomads, good luck and good hunting!
SPW: Great! And we’re moving forward once again at the Speed of Nonsense or SN! Next group of Techies! “Mr.” SASMO please!
The Cyborgs:
Mr.SASMO: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!
J&D: All praise TheJefferys!
Mr.SASMO: These jolly little jokers are actually working on a microchip, believe it or not…
SPW: I don’t!
J&D: All praise TheJefferys!
Mr.SASMO: That’ll be able to compress the human soul…
J&D: All praise TheJefferys!
Mr.SASMO: If it does in fact exist…
J&D: All praise TheJefferys!
Mr.SASMO: Onto that of a microchip…
J&D: What TheJefferys?
Mr.SASMO: And then into the data base of a computer!
J: Scares the Shit Outta Me or SSOM!
D: Me too! Me too! SSOM!
Mr.SASMO It’s meant to!
J&D: Well it has!
Mr.SASMO: And by the way, and for the record!
SPW: Duly noted!
Mr.SASMO: Bruce Jefferys influence in this department is and will be instrumental in the years to come.
MSC: I’d imagine it’d have to!
Mr.SASMO: This scenario can only be possible if in fact Bruce Jefferys is actually alive and well.
J&D: Say it ain’t so SASMO!
Mr.SASMO: But is this true?
J&D: Say it ain’t so SASMO!
Mr.SASMO: Hey, keep reading and find out!
J&D: Say it ain’t so SASMO!
Mr.SASMO: Good idea don’t you think? So hey! Go out and by a copy of ‘Zen & the Art of Mastur…’
J&D&SPW&MSC&W: Don’t say the “M” Word SASMO!
Mr.SASMO: Wouldn’t think of it! ‘Experience the End of the Aeon at The Spank the Monkey Café- A Love Story or Farce: I’m Not Certain Which’
D: Never understood that last part in that long, really stupid…
SPW: Ass Scratchingly Stupid or ASS!
D: Dumb Ass or DS title? What’s up with that SASMO?
Mr.SASMO: Simple Esoteric Sarcasm or SES for the Mundane Masses or MMs!
SPW: That may well be! And be that as it may! Can just get back on f**king track, please!
MSC: That’s another C or Censure Warren! Hey everybody! Once more for the Show Producer Warren or SPW!
J&D&SPW&MSC&Mr.SASMO&W: ‘You take the good, you take the bad you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life...The Facts of Life There's a time you got to go and show You're growing now you know about The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you It takes a lot to get them right When you're learning the Facts of Life ... Learning the Facts of Life!’
SPW: More balls!
MSC: Sorry! But that’s another C or Censure Warren! Hey everybody! Once more for the Show Producer Warren or SPW!
J&D&SPW&MSC&Mr.SASMO&W: ‘You take the good, you take the bad you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life...The Facts of Life There's a time you got to go and show You're growing now you know about The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life When the world never seems to be living up to your dreams And suddenly you're finding out the Facts of Life are all about you It takes a lot to get them right When you're learning the Facts of Life ... Learning the Facts of Life!’
SPW: Sorry folks! Outta time once again!
J: Indeed! Come back next time just to see how further alone we’ll get with “our” Tell Of Tales or TOT!
SPW: Probably nowhere!
D: And everybody knows that?
J: This’ nowhere!
SPW: And that’s at the Speed of Nonsense or SN!
J&D: Bye now!
* * *
To our cherished listeners out there hopefully if not finally glad to “not” be “VIEWING” “their” Com.com’s Live Streaming Service or CCLSS! But instead listening to our ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded here at The Spank the Monkey Café in the heart of downtown Seattle, Washington of the United States of Go Canadian Hockey or GCH: America!! I’m Jonathan and many thanks once again to “our” cherished listeners who are finally delighted that ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded has returned! We’re so sorry you had to live through that nasty “VIEWING” pardon the language, Crap or C! I mean to say! Really SORRY! But I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while again leaving any semblance of rational thought at the door as for the sake of TheJefferys: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? Never understood that one but hey folks! We’re back! (Inspirational Pause!) And please cherished “LISTENERS”, come back next time to hopefully Find-Out-the-Facts or FOFs concerning the nature and cause of our Collective Delusion or CD involving the Assemblage of Youthful Passion or AYP, Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI, the Really Weird Dude and Babe high atop the Seattle Space Needle or SSN! Please stay safe and always watch out for those Frenzied, Extremely Agitated Regrettables or FEARs who see their own reflection in the Mirrored Sunglasses or MSs of those who would Un-Naturally or UN ridicule our Blessed Way of Life here on Silent Radio or SR! And please! Make sure to thank TheJefferys! And so I’m pretty certain! And Good Night Irene!
* * *
Mr.SASMO: Hey I didn’t get to finish the shameless plug for my book!
SPW: Very well! Go ahead and finish your ridicules plug for your extremely Stupid Ass Scratching Book or SASB!
J&D: Down with SASMO’s SASB!
SPW: What they said! The promo please! “Mr.” SASMO!
Mr.SASMO: And by the way, this may or may not play into our second pleasing tale of corporate misbehavior: ‘Another Day at the FC’ which’s the second book in a series of three!
SPW: Three Dumb-Assed Books or DABs?
J&D: Down with DABs! Down with DABs!
Mr.SASMO: But once again, sorry for the interruption but I do need to prepare the field for future crops! I need to earn an actual living by my writing as I presently work for Amazon.com!
D: That up and coming online retail company and some say ‘better look out!’ But Jonathan says!
J: Bullshit!
Mr.SASMO: Yeah! That one! Which’s to say?
J&D&SPW&MSC&W: Yes?
Mr.SASMO: I’m so under-paid and over-worked and on my actual death bed and that’s why I want out of this miserable Stupid Ass Scratching Company or SASM so please keep reading and tell your friends and family all about this wondrous tale of misfortune which by the way could end up as my very own actual fortune. Keeping the fingers crossed as it were!
SPW: Anything else?
Mr.SASMO: Yeah! That’s ISBN: 978-1-4890-4141-0! Sold at many fine established retail book sellers! Online or in store! And yes! At Com.com as well as Amazon.com! Hey! Buy the book dammit!
J&D: All praise to TheJefferys!
SPW: Indeed!