Don't Say the "M" Word!

Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

          

   Live Yet Pre-recorded- Episode XXXIX of:

 Don’t Say the “M” Word!

         

         A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded

J&D: Truly cherished listeners! What a Time To Be Alive or TTBA!

         D: Agreed! But Jonathan?

         J: Yes Drew?

         D: Does Anyone Really Know What Time It Is or DARKWTIS?

         J: Doubtful! But maybe in Chicago?

         D: What?

         J: Never mind!

         SPW: I know what time it is!

         J&D: And what time would that be Warren!

         SPW: Time to get this Ass Scratching Story or ASS over with!

         J: Just one thing!

         J&D: Mr.SASMO! If you will! Tell us about the Pixys!

         Mr.SASMO: Would be my pleasure!

         SPW: Oh hell!

Mr.SASMO: As I relate the information concerning the Pixys, imagine Don Henley’s ‘Dirty Laundry’ playing in the background!

J&D&SPW&MSC&W: We’ll try!

Mr.SASMO: That’s all I can ask! ‘From Times Square in New York City, New York!’ The extremely animated, effervescent voice of the Pixy employed by the Network News Agency or NNA nearly jumps out of her skin as she begins her first broadcast of the day. And people let me tell you, she’s merely warning up!

J&D&SPW&MSC&W: Is she now?

         Mr.SASMO: ‘We’re here at the world famous traffic intersection known as the Crossroads of the World or CW! The Great White Way or GWW! The center of Manhattan!’ as the Pixy’s nearly doing a cheerleader’s tumble for the cameras: ‘My God! The very center of the Universe!’ Continuing, she shouts with absolute certainly as well as glee. She’s a Network Gal or NG and she’s doing them right!

         J&D&SPW&MSC&W: How’s she doing them right?

Mr.SASMO: ‘Located at the junction between Broadway and 7th Avenue, Times Square’s surrounded by important buildings and their bright neon signs that vibrate at all hours of the day and night!’ She pauses pretending to catch her breath.

J&D&SPW&MSC&W: Did she pause for long?

Mr.SASMO: ‘The northern part of the square’s technically Duffy Square but the two flows seamlessly into one! Originally the square was called Longacre Square but after the New York Times newspaper headquarters moved to Broadway in 1913 the square’s name was changed.’ Pointing to one of the brightly lit buildings, she continues!

J&D&SPW&MSC&W: What does she continue with?

Mr.SASMO: ‘The Square’s home to many attractions including ABC's Time Square Studios and Planet Hollywood. It’s the venue for the New York New Year’s Eve ball which drops at midnight as crowds gather to party and bring in the New Year.’ In deep possibly distant thought she ponders the situation intently!

 J&D&SPW&MSC&W: How intent was she?

Mr.SASMO: ‘The Square’s the site of the seven storey high NASDAQ sign which reports the events of the nation and the world. Times Square’s the center of a thriving theatre district on Broadway and surrounding streets. Other famous entertainment venues on the square are the Iridium jazz club, the Roseland Ballroom and the Carolines comedy club.’  Starting her rehearsed shutdown, she smiles her all inclusive effervescent smile!

J&D&SPW&MSC&W: How inclusive was her effervescent smile?

Mr.SASMO: ‘Attractions at Times Square include Madame Tussauds, Ripley's Believe It or Not and the Discovery Times Square Exhibition. The square has its own visitor center at 1560 Broadway and its own website. There are many eateries on the square including New York’s Hard Rock Café. Restaurant Row is part of the square’s appeal as it’s located on 46th Street between Broadway and 9th Avenue as it’s a block of restaurants serving cuisine from around the world. The square’s also packed with hotels to suit all pockets as the hotels offer direct access to the square. They are the most expensive but when you work your way further away the prices drop considerably. The square’s also a shopping Mecca with stores like Disney, M&M's World and Toys R Us.’ Happily, she’s finished for now!

J&D&SPW&MSC&W: What a Network Gal or NG!

Mr.SASMO: Back in Times Square, Pamela Pixy, and yes dear readers, that’s really her name: Swear to TheJefferys! And she actually looks exactly like Kelly Ripa from the ‘Kelly and Michael Show’ on the rival ABC television network! And she could not contain her energy as she bubbled forth with the exciting news: ‘The Fool Device to be released in twelve hours time and counting!’ as she shouts out: ‘More of this later!’ And yes, actually jumping up and down!

J&D&SPW&MSC&W: And this’ a Pixy?

Mr.SASMO: Yes!

J&D&SPW&MSC&W: And how many Pixys are there?

Mr.SASMO: Thousands upon thousands! 

J&D&SPW&MSC&W: Thousands upon thousands?

Mr.SASMO: And they’re everywhere!

SPW: Moving on!

Mr.SASMO: To start! A quote!

SPW: And what else is new?

Mr.SASMO: From Daniel Borzutzky’s ‘The Performance of Being Human’

I come from a village where there is no clean water and where if your nose is shaped a certain way, or if you are too tall, or too short, you are likely to be murdered, raped, or dismembered.

Mr.SASMO: Her name’s Babe and oh my God is she ever a handful!

SPW: You mean Jonathan and Drew’s mother? She’s involved in this story?

J: Back in Episode thirty-six, we stated rather clearly and I quote: ‘It’s a sort of long and winding tale that begins a few years ago! It involves Babe and her adventure with those loveable boys from the Assemblage of Youthful Passion or AYP and that temptress Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI!’

Mr.SASMO: To be exact, it was in Venice Beach, California that the Assemblage of Youthful Passion or AYP, Mary Jane from Indiana or MYI and some Really Weird Dude or RWD they’d encountered along the way at the Estrella Mountain Regional Park outside of Phoenix, Arizona who helped them dispose of the police cruiser and finally rid themselves of that raucous, inconsiderate Phoenix Police Sergeant Russell Wade or PPSRW who never stopped, no matter that his life was on the line, intently looking at while attempting to engage the before mention Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI! My God, she’s really that exquisite if not beguiling!

J&D&SPW&MSC: Is she really that exquisite if not beguiling?

         Mr.SASMO: Yes! She’s really that exquisite if not beguiling! Anyway! This Really Weird Dude or RWD was just sitting there on some beat-up old park bench at the Estrella Mountain Regional Park outside of Phoenix, Arizona barking at the moon while singing, off-key, some long forgotten Frank Sinatra songs to no one in particular as well, shit; the man couldn’t carry a tune in the preverbal bucket!

         J&D&SPW&MSC: Was the Really Weird Dude or RWD just sitting there on some beat-up old park bench at the Estrella Mountain Regional Park outside of Phoenix, Arizona barking at the moon while singing, off-key mind you, some long forgotten Frank Sinatra songs to no one in particular as well, shit; the man couldn’t carry a tune in the preverbal bucket?

Mr.SASMO: Yeah! This Really Weird Dude or RWD was just sitting there on some beat-up old park bench at the Estrella Mountain Regional Park outside of Phoenix, Arizona barking at the moon while singing, off-key mind you, some long forgotten Frank Sinatra songs to no one in particular as well, shit; the man couldn’t carry a tune in the preverbal bucket!

J&D&SPW&MSC: WOW!

Mr.SASMO: No! Woe or W as we shall later see! Again, this Really Weird Dude or RWD was just sitting, barking and singing when all of a sudden he leaps off that park bench while proclaiming to the Assemblage of Youth Passion or AYP, Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI and Phoenix Police Sergeant Russell Wade or PPSRW: ‘I’ve been waiting!’ really loud you know: ‘God dammit, let’s get moving!’ And of course: ‘I’ve already dug the hole and have the perfect vehicle for our journey!’

J&D&SPW&MSC: He’d already dug the hole and had the perfect vehicle?

         Mr.SASMO: Yeah! He’d already dug the hole and had the perfect vehicle! To say the least, even Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI was amazed and certainly it’s true! That’s something which most people could never do oh but this Really Weird Dude or RWD so caught her off guard that again, she was so just so astonished if not off balance: ‘Excuse me?’

         J&D&SPW&MSC: She was that caught off balance?

         Mr.SASMO: Yeah! She was that caught off balance! ‘Over here!’ the Really Weird Dude or RWD showing them the before mentioned hole in the ground large enough for a Police Cruiser or PC if not an actual Phoenix Police Sergeant named Russell Wade or PPSRW! ‘Come on! Time to hit the surf in Venice Beach, California!’ And no, I’m not kidding as this really happened.

         J&D&SPW&MSC: You’re really not kidding?

         Mr.SASMO: Yeah! I’m not kidding! Shaking her head, Mary Jane from Indiana would have nothing to do with the disposal of another human being. Yes, she was A Force Of Nature or AFON, and it’s true, nature kills night and day without mercy! But no! She wouldn’t stand for this as she started to walk away.

         J&D&SPW&MSC: Just started to walk away?

         D: This’ just continues to get exciting! Some more Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn, please!

         W: Get right to it!

         D: Thank you!

         W: What a sweet boy! Just so sweet!

         Mr.SASMO: Moving forward! ‘Don’t,’ softly spoken by Brother David who would have none of that either as he tenderly stroked Mary Jane’s taut breast: ‘We’ll leave him on the side of the road and hope that someone comes by before he expires from thirst. Best I can do!’

         J&D&SPW&MSC: And what did Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI do?

         MSC: Some more Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn, please!

         W: Get right to it

         MSC: Hurry please!

         Mr.SASMO: She stated rather cool and calmly: ‘Acceptable!’ as Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI went down on Brother David quickly bringing him to climax! ‘Better?’

         MSC: That Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn, please!

         W: Here it is!

         SPW: Better make that Iced Tea or IT made from Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn, please!

         W: Get right to it!

         MSC: Thank you!

         W: You’re welcome!

         J&D&SPW&MSC: What happened next?

         Mr.SASMO: ‘Times wasting people!’ declared the Really Weird Dude or RWD! ‘Surf’s up and I can’t wait!’ And off they went as the Golden State of Being Known As Sunny California or GSBKASC was a reality as they hit Blythe, California where they crossed the border just as the sun was rising.

         J&D&SPW&MSC: Good God or GG!

         Mr.SASMO: And finally it was Surf City as Venice Beach, California of the United States of Aren’t the Bikini-Clad Girls Everywhere just Awesome SCVBCUSABCGEA: America! captured the imagination of all those young boys from Colorado City, Arizona who’d never dreamt something so wondrous as the sights and sounds existing on the boardwalk waterfront was actually real! And oh by the way! Was it ever about time?

         D: About time for more of Surf City Venice Beach, California of the United States of Aren’t the Bikini-Clad Girls Everywhere just Awesome SCVBCUSABCGEA: America!

         J: What he said!

         SPW: Dido or D!

         MSC: Double-Dido or DD!

         J&D&SPW&W: Right!

         Mr.SASMO: And it was the very next morning as everyone was ready to seat themselves in their order of Properly Propelled Prestige or PPP that Babe was already seated and waiting to leave: ‘Let’s get moving! Seattle’s finally heating up!’ Imagine that!

         J&D&SPW&MSC: Imagining Surf City Venice Beach, California of the United States of Aren’t the Bikini-Clad Girls Everywhere just Awesome SCVBCUSABCGEA: America! Not to mention Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI!

         Mr.SASMO: Now Babe’s a 60 something going on a hundred and ten, and looking it! She’s the mother of two “crazy” boys…

         J&D: That’s us! Jonathan and Drew Who Don’t Care About Being the Property Brothers just now so long as you Get Us back to Surf City Venice Beach, California of the United States of Aren’t the Bikini-Clad Girls Everywhere just Awesome JDWDCABPBGUBSCVBCUSABCGEA: America! Not to mention Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI!

Mr.SASMO:  And God knows how many grand children spread out over the western-half of these here United States of America! Hey, they’d been busy little bees…

J&D: Buzz Buzz Buzz or BBB!

Mr.SASMO: Pollinating the hell outta the before mentioned western-half of these here United States of Hey Jonathan and Drew Stop Pretending to be the Property Brothers and Leave Our Woman Along or USOHJDSPPBLOWA: America!

J&D: (Outrageous Laughter) Never!

         Mr.SASMO: Anyway, Babe’s a chain-smoking, foul-mouthed, Wonderment of a Total Bitch or WTB who ‘don’t’ take ‘shit from no one!’ Quote/Unquote or Q/U! Hey America, don’t we all have an old hag of an auntie out there somewhere who fits this very description.

         SPW: Know I do!

         MSC: Me too!

         SPW: Thought that “me too” was a you also?

         MSC: That’s a C or Censure!

         SPW: Whatever!

Mr.SASMO: Besides, Babe had been waiting years for just this very moment and she was ready, willing and able to be that before mentioned Wonderment of a Total Bitch or WTB whenever or wherever the occasion arose! And it would be often! And it could turn deadly! ‘Get going!’ as she coughed out an order! Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI just loved her to death!

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To our cherished “LISTENERS” out there hopefully if not finally glad to “not” be “VIEWING” “their” Com.com’s Live Streaming Service or CCLSS! But instead “LISTENING” to our ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded here at The Spank the Monkey Café in the heart of downtown Seattle, Washington of the United States of Go Canadian Hockey or GCH: America!! I’m Jonathan and many thanks once again to “our” cherished “LISTENERS” who are finally delighted that ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded has returned! We’re so sorry you had to live through that nasty “VIEWING” pardon the language, Crap or C! I mean to say! Really SORRY! But I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while again leaving any semblance of rational thought at the door as for the sake of TheJefferys: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? Never understood that one but hey folks! We’re back! (Inspirational Pause!) And please cherished “LISTENERS”, come back next time to hopefully Find-Out-the-Facts or FOFs concerning the nature and cause of our Collective Delusion or CD as we Tell “Our” Tale or TOT of what happened with those mischievous boys from Colorado City, Arizona or CCA and that divinely exquisite Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI! Please stay safe and always watch out for those Frenzied, Extremely Agitated Regrettables or FEARs who see their own reflection in the Mirrored Sunglasses or MSs of those who would Un-Naturally or UN ridicule our Blessed Way of Life here on Silent Radio or SR! And please! Make sure to thank TheJefferys! And so I’m pretty certain! And Good Night Irene!

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D: Jonathan?

         J: Yes Drew?

         D: Glad Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI was back in the story!

         J: Me too brother! Me too!

         SPW: I can get down with that!

         MSC: Me too! Me too! I can also get down with that!