Don't Say the "M" Word!
Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Live Yet Pre-recorded- Episode XXXVII of:
Don’t Say the “M” Word!
A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded
J&D: Truly cherished listeners! Welcome back! Hey! We’re back as well!
D: Kind of brings a smile to your face doesn’t it?
J: Indeed! I’m smiling ear to ear!
SPW: I’m not!
MSC: Neither am I!
J: Well that’s too bad! Because?
J&D: We’re Jonathan and Drew who are observably “so” not the Property Brothers! And we’re back!
W: Some Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn hons?
J&D&SPW&MSC: Yes please!
W: What good boys! Nice to have you both back!
J&D: Thank you!
W: Such polite boys!
SPW: Now about this tale you’re going to tell?
J: Indeed! The tale to tell! But before that!
SPW: Thought you guaranteed “your” “LISTENERS” that you two were going to tell “your” tale, today?
D: And indeed we are Warren!
SPW But why then your statement about ‘…but before that?’ Boys?
W: Here’s your Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn hons?
J&D&SPW&MSC: Thank you!
MSC: And that’s C or Censure! Number one and I’m counting!
J: We need to bring out the one person who’ll help us in “our” effort to tell the tale accurately as it comes straight from his second of three books!
MSC: Three books?
J: Yes! Three books!
D: Book One: ‘Zen & the Art of the “M” Word!’
MSC: Thank you!
D: You are most Welcome! ‘Experience the End of the Aeon at The Spank the Monkey Café!’ Book Two: ‘Zen & the Art of the “M” Word!’
MSC: Again! Many thanks!
D: Once again! Welcome! ‘Another Day at the FC: Walk the Labyrinth’ And Book Three: ‘Zen & the Art of the “M” Word: The Commerce Wars- The Time Space Continuum’
SPW: You don’t mean?
D: That’s correct Warren! From the deepest pits of the Amazon.com Sordid Sewer or AcSS; the unflappable, completely levelheaded, self-possessed cool cat himself!
J: Clap your hands and holler right out loud!
SPW: Oh hell!
J&D: The one and only SASMO or the Stupid Ass Scratching Mark Oglesby; author of ‘Zen & the Art of Mastur...’
SPW&MSC: Don’t Say the “M” Word Jonathan and Drew, Who Couldn’t, In a Million LifeTimes, Possibly Be the Real Property Brothers or JDWCIMLTPBRPBs!
J&D: Wouldn’t think of it!
MSC: Don’t wanna hit you boys with the number two Censure or C!
J: Glad to hear!
D: Stupid Ass Scratching Mark Oglesby or SASMO! Come on down!
W: Some Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn hon?
SASMO: Yes please!
W: Great to have you back!
SASMO: Thank you!
W: What a sweet, polite boy!
SASMO: I’m kinda thirsty and hungry by now! Been running from the Com.com Hit Squad or CcHS for weeks on end!
SPW: How’d they find you? I mean to say! Telling everybody that you’re hiding in “plain-sight” at the Amazon.com Fulfillment Center or FC in Moreno Valley, California in the United States of Why Can’t We Get Any Good Paying Jobs in this Freaking City Which’s Now a Festering Warehouse WasteLand, a Wall-To-Wall WasteLand or USWCWGAGPJFCWNFWWLWTWWL: America! Kinda obvious as to how they found you SASMO; you Stupid Ass Scratching Mark Oglesby! Don’t yah think?
SASMO: In hindsight! Yeah!
MSC: Sorry SASMO you Stupid Ass Scratching Mark Oglesby! But I’ve gotta C or Censure such stupidity!
SPW: That’s SASS or Stupid Ass Scratching Stupidity!
SASSMO: I thought the obviousness of it would throw them, that’s to say, the Com.com Hit Squad or CcHS, off my trail! Guess I was wrong!
SPW&MSC&J&D&W: You think!
J: Anyway! Let’s get down to the Mother of All Tales or MATs! SASSMO?
SASSMO: What?
J: Go to the MATs SASMO! To the MATs!
SASMO: It’s a long, long story! Going to take several Episodes or Es!
D: Whatever it takes!
SPW: What?
MSC: Gotta C or Censure that!
J: As you’ve stated many times since we’ve been back! “Our” show! “Our” rules! To the MATs, SASMO!
SASMO: It all began in Colorado City, Arizona or CCA! Oh and by the way, this’ from Book Two which is yet to be published! In the United States of This’ the Strangest Place I’ve Ever Been In, Like Being in a Twilight-Zone Episode or CCAUSTSPIEBILBTZE: America!
SPW: Really! Like being in a For Real Twilight-Zone Episode or FRTZE?
D: Kinda spooky don’t you think?
SASMO: Go there sometime Drew! Spooky doesn’t even come close to describing the place!
SPW: Moving forward! Time people!
SASMO: There were all those young boys who’d been expelled from the Community of Believers or CBs for behavior unbecoming as to a member of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints or FCJCLDS! In reality, all they, the young boys that is, really wanted was some Good Ole Fashioned Female Companionship or GOFC! In lay terms: SEX! Hey boys will be boys and girls will be girls so Giddy-Up There Partners or GUTP!
D: Seems reasonable!
MSC: Could be a C or Censure! We’ll wait and see what transpires!
SASMO: Anyway! It was the soulful loss of group identity which led this Assemblage of Youthful Passion or AYP to actually attempt the Formation of a Religious Movement or FRM which had set its sights on Sexual Energy or SE and the dynamic possibilities involved in the Act if not Art or AA of Love-Making or LM!
D: You mean SEX! SASMO?
SASMO: Intercourse or I if you prefer! But yes Drew! SEX! They wanted to have SEX! All The Time or ATT!
MSC: Well God Bless or GB those young boys! How young Mr. SASMO?
Mr.SASMO: Teens!
MSC: You’re being 100% honest now? Aren’t you?
SASMO: Now! For to be certain, Human Salvation or HS, and so they believed, existed within the union of a man and a woman embraced in Sexual Congress or SC!
MSC: Go on!
Mr.SASMO: No if and or buts about it: ‘Mastur…
SPW&MSC&J&D&W: Don’t Say the “M” Word Mr.SASMO!
Mr.SASMO: Right! The “M” Word ‘must end or humankind will be eternally damned!’ And so shouted Brother David as he led his horde of youthful passion onto the road which led directly to Seattle, Washington, United States of Don’t Ever Again Bring the “M” Word Into the Conversation or USDEABMWIC: America! And eventually! A confrontation with Com.com and its manipulation, via Online Buying or OB, through the “M” Word of the individual who’d lost their desire for Social Intercourse or SI in the communal setting of Brick and Mortar or BM retail locations!
MSC: Really?
Mr.SASMO: Yes really! And now what those were, that is, the Brick-and-Mortar or BM or might be seemed a mystery as young David and all those teenage boys had never actually experienced a Shopping mall or SM! Or so it seemed!
J: Now what about Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI? Mr.SASMO?
D: Yeah! I wanna know about Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI? Mr.SASMO?
Mr.SASMO: Let me first quote William Blake in order to set the proper mood concerning Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI!
The lust of the goat is the bounty of God. The nakedness of woman is the work of God. Excess of sorrow laughs. Excess of joy weeps.
Mr.SASMO: The Assemblage of Youthful Passion or AYP was enjoying themselves as they constantly changed outfits! And while the constant blasting of the Police MegaPhone or PMP displeasured them to no end; still, it was nothing in comparison to a Sunday morning sermon back in Colorado City, Arizona of the United States of I sincerely Believe that God’s Abandoned Us or CCAUSISBGAU: America! And it went on forever! In short, they all smiled for the cameras while continuing to change outfits!
SPW: This really happened?
Mr.SASMO: Swear to TheJefferys!
MSC: FAKE NEWS ALERT! God’ll Never Abandon America or GNAA!
Mr.SASMO: Right! Anyway! As for her part, Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI cleaned-up nicely!
D: How nicely Mr.SASMO?
Mr.SASMO: Good God or GG! Her body was Ultra-Bright White or UBW and as silky and smooth as a baby’s bottom as the velvety sheen of her taut voluptuous breasts alerted all to the factual matter that here was a very special creature!
SPW&MSC&J&D&W: Please go on!
Mr.SASMO: Now for their part, the Phoenix Police or PP were unable; hell, unwilling to take their eyes off of her! Shortly, it would cost them dearly!
J: And how much would it cost them Mr.SASMO?
Mr.SASMO: Plenty! For you see, the line-up of police officers willing to enter the Abercrombie & Fitch Outlet while “negotiating” with those boys, and yes, with that Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI was keyed up and ready to risk it all for the Good of the Department or GD; for the cause of Public Safety or PS: ‘I’ll go!’ seven or eight voices rang out.
D: I’d certainly would!
MSC: As would I!
Mr.SASMO: But alas, it was the Lead Sergeant On Site or LSOS who entered the outlet as negotiations had been agreed upon by both parties hoping for a peaceful solution to the situation at hand. For his part, Brother David smiled as he shook the hand of Phoenix Police Sergeant Russell Wade or PSRW: ‘Welcome! Care to try some rather pleasing yet masculine cologne?’
D: And what was the sergeant’s response?
Mr.SASMO: ‘No thanks’ as Sergeant Wade was unable to take his eyes off of Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI! ‘Are you alright young lady?’
She just smiled while giggling; just a little bit.
MSC: Just giggled a little bit? What a lovely young girl!
Mr.SASMO: Right! Brother David said to Sergeant Wade: ‘You can speak with her in private to make sure she’s telling the truth!’ David’s sincerity calming the uneasy sergeant who still couldn’t take his eyes off the sleek body of Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI…
SPW&MSC&J&D&W: How sleek?
Mr.SASMO: This sleek! She was dressed merely in a bra and panty whose color was white signaling her virginal state and so believed the Police Sergeant or PS who was still unable to take his eyes of the untouched youth!
SPW&MSC&J&D&W: And then what?
Mr.SASMO: This’ what! ‘May we speak in private?’ once again giggling as Mary Jane from Indiana MJI took the hand of Phoenix Police Sergeant Russell Wade or PPSRW while leading him into the backroom where she could “speak” with him freely. ‘Certainly!’ was one of the last words he’d speak while still a Sergeant of the Phoenix Police Department or SPPD!
D: This’ good stuff!
SPW&MSC&J&W: Good God or GG YES!
Mr.SASMO: In short, the entire crew of the Assemblage of Youthful Passion AYP along with Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI made it out the backdoor of the Abercrombie & Fitch Outlet and all the way to Sergeant Wade or SW’s awaiting Police Cruiser or PC using his very handy Police Radio or PR to deceive the rest of the Police Officers or POs standing by while still actually hoping to “negotiate” with the bra and panty clad Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI: ‘Holy Jesus or HJ! Is that young girl Frighteningly Beautiful or FB or what?’ *
* A Short Note or ASN: The term Frighteningly Beautiful or FB has to do with the actual sensation of knowing that dooms on its way and one should, as it were, head for the hills while escaping calamity! Alas, these men of honor hadn’t the good sense to do this as the bra and panty clad Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI was just too much to turn away from: Too bad!
SPW: And hey! We’re outta time here! But wasn’t that exciting!
J&D: To TheJefferys Yes!
MSC: Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI! I want more!
SPW: Well come back next time as we continue to Tell “Our” Tale or TOT which’s “not” Time Off Task or TOT!
MSC&J&D&M: Promise?
SPW: AbsoFreakingLutely or AFL! And you all can quote me on that!
MSC&J&D&W: AbsoFreakingLutely or AFL!
SPW: Bye for now!
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To our cherished “LISTENERS” out there hopefully if not finally glad to “not” be “VIEWING” “their” Com.com’s Live Streaming Service or CCLSS! But instead “LISTENING” to our ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded here at The Spank the Monkey Café in the heart of downtown Seattle, Washington of the United States of Go Canadian Hockey or GCH: America!! I’m Jonathan and many thanks once again to “our” cherished “LISTENERS” who are finally delighted that ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded has returned! We’re so sorry you had to live through that nasty “VIEWING” pardon the language, Crap or C! I mean to say! Really SORRY! But I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while again leaving any semblance of rational thought at the door as for the sake of TheJefferys: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? Never understood that one but hey folks! We’re back! (Inspirational Pause!) And please cherished “LISTENERS”, come back next time to hopefully Find-Out-the-Facts or FOFs concerning the nature and cause of our Collective Delusion or CD as we Tell “Our” Tale or TOT of what happened with those mischievous boys from Colorado City, Arizona or CCA and that divinely exquisite Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI! Please stay safe and always watch out for those Frenzied, Extremely Agitated Regrettables or FEARs who see their own reflection in the Mirrored Sunglasses or MSs of those who would Un-Naturally or UN ridicule our Blessed Way of Life here on Silent Radio or SR! And please! Make sure to thank TheJefferys! And so I’m pretty certain! And Good Night Irene!
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J: Drew?
D: Yes Jonathan?
J: Mary Jane from Indiana or MJI’s something else isn’t she?
D: To TheJefferys! I must be dreaming! Simple dreaming!