Don't Say the "M" Word!
Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Live Yet Pre-recorded- Episode XXXII of:
Don’t Say the “M” Word!
A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded
MWW: I hate to open our ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ live yet pre-recorded show with this, but!
PBJ: But what Warren?
MWW: That damn knocking at one of the Café doors has been unrelenting for several days now!
PBJ: And that knocking at the door?
PBD: Yes Jonathan?
PBJ: It seems to be getting just louder and louder! Think we should answer it?
MWW: Well folks?
MWW&PBJ&PBD&MSC: Who is it?
CCHS: This’ the Com.com Hit Squad or CCHS! We know you’re in there! If I were you! I’d open up immediately!
MWW&PBJ&PBD&MSC: What’d want?
CCHS: We’ve been sent by Com.com to get some answers!
MWW&PBJ&PBD&MSC: What answers?
CCHS: Why are you people being so mean to Mr. Bruce Jefferys or MBJ, CEO and founder of Com.com the mighty online retain giant Headquartered in Seattle, Washington of the United States of the just so peachy to be in: America! Or as it so states in: ‘Zen & the Art of Mastur…’
MWW&PBJ&PBD&MSC: Don’t say the “M” Word!
CCHS: Wouldn’t think of it! ‘Experience the End of the Aeon at The Spank the Monkey Café: A Farce or Love Story- I’m not certain which’, wherein, and I shall quote TheSASMO: ‘Therefore, Jefferys is really not some blackened heart soulless cretin whose every waking moment’s lived in the delight of crushing someone or something; hell no, he’s simply been misunderstood due to his erupting temper and forceful foul language: The man’s a peach!’
MWW&PBJ&PBD&MSC: Just a minute!
PBD: What’re we gonna do Warren?
PBJ: Yeah! Drew’s much too frail to be interrogated by the Com.com Hit Squad or CCHS! He’ll crack like a walnut! Spill his guts! Sing like a canary! He’ll tell them everything!
PBD: I Will! I Will! I’ll tell them everything! Get us outta here, now!
W: Some tea and popcorn hons?
MWW&PBJ&PBD&MSC: Yes please!
PBJ: And how about a way outta here if you please!
W: Fine then! Follow me!
MWW&MSC: Our tea and popcorn please!
W: It’ll be just a moment! Okay my sweet boys! Just open and walk through this door and everything will be alright! Promise!
PBD: And it won’t hurt? I am frail you know!
W: Trust me?
PBJ&PBD: Implicitly!
W: What good boys! And here’s some tea and popcorn for the journey!
PBJ&PBD: Thank you!
PBJ: And where will the journey lead?
W: To your heart’s content! Pleasant journey!
MWW: What the hell was that?
MSC: I don’t know! And could you stop using that salty language, please?
MWW: Very well than! Oh Gosh Darn or OGD and Golly Gee or GG! Whatever in the Name of Betsy or NB was that? Better?
MSC: You could lose some of the sarcasm!
MWW: An answer, please?
W: Oh that’s just Drew running out of one of the Café’s doors! Here’s your tea and popcorn hons?
MWW&MSC: Thank you!
MSC: Was Drew’s Pubic Region or PR on fire again?
MWW: Now that’s gotta be a big Censure or C!
MSC: Appears that way! And oh by the way!
MWW: Yes?
MSC: I’m the Censure or C here! Got it?
MD: Hot! Hot! Hot or HHH!
W: Some tea and popcorn Drew hon?
MD: Yes please! But could you possibly make that iced-tea? And as for the popcorn!
W: Yes?
MD: Maybe a little later!
W: Not a problem hon! Not a problem!
MWW: Why’s Drew Completely Naked or CN again, Jonathan? And Jonathan?
MJ: Yes Warren?
MWW: Haven’t we been here before?
MJ: Too many times to count! Far too many times!
MD: Hot! Hot! Hot or HHH!
W: Here’s your iced-tea hon!
MD: Please! Just be a dear and throw it at my General Pubic Region or GPR if you might!
W: Never a problem hon! Never a problem!
MD: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Thank TheJefferys! And thank you! You’re most certainly a dear!
W: You are so welcome young man! What a polite boy!
MD: And indeed, yes! That was a bad situation to say the least!
MWW: To say the least? I think you’re gonna have to say a little more than that Drew!
MJ: I’d have to agree on that one Warren! Drew! What the hell happened? And why aren’t dressed yet? Where have you been?
MSC: And so why aren’t you people getting him dressed? He’s still naked you know! Or!
MJ&MWW: Or what?
MSC: Or I’ll have to C or Censure you people!
MD: Very well! Let me find a little something to wear behind door number One!
W: Not that one Drew dear! Not that one!
MWW: Too late! Much too late!
MJ: Here he comes again!
MD: Hot! Hot! Hot or HHH!
MWW: Some more iced-tea hon?
MD: Yes please!
W: And just throw it at your General Pubic Region or GPR?
MD: Yes please!
W: Never a problem hon! Never a problem!
D: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Thank TheJefferys! And once again, thank you!
W: And once again hon! You are so welcome young man! Such polite boys! All three of you!
MSC: And what about me?
W: No coffee! Just tea! Drew hon?
MSC: She’ll never let that down will she?
MWW: Never!
MD: Yes?
W: Try this door!
MD: Thank you!
W: You’re welcome!
MJ: Drew?
MD: Jonathan?
MJ: We’re still waiting to hear all about why your General Pubic Region or GPR’s on fire once again! Where have you been? Nice suit by the way!
MD: Itailian dear brother! Always go Italian!
MJ: Agreed! Now can we get onto your adventure? Where were you?
MD: It’s like this! If you remember, we were talking about my stay at the Alba Psychiatric Facility or APF!
MJ: Right! So getting back to that time at the Alba Psychiatric Facility or APF? Drew, answer the question! How’d you outta rehab? The facility staff suggested that you’d be there no less then six weeks! What gives?
MD: Nurse Ratched or NR! You remember what I told you about Nurse Ratched or NR?
MJ: Yes!
MD: In my hallucinogenic state of total indifference to what had been revealed by the unrelenting Nurse Ratched or NR and her impromptu reading from Orwell’s classic ‘1984’, I continued to wither in constant psychological pain as to all intent and purpose: I was gone!
MJ: And were you Drew? Were you gone?
MD: Almost!
MWW: What happened?
MD: Nurse Ratched or NR told me to walk over to Room 101 and open the door! Which I did!
MJ: And then?
MD: I simply walked through the door!
MWW: And then?
MD: I heard Master Milo and our waitress’ voice saying: ‘Go through the next door Drew! Go through the next door!’
MWW: How’d you get to and go through the door?
MJ: Weren’t you strapped in?
MD: Don’t know! I simply got up, walked to this glowing breath-taking door and opened it!
MSC: But how did your General Pubic Region or GPR catch on fire?
MJ: Yeah Drew! How’d that happen?
MD: After exiting that other door, I was suddenly running with Enkidu who was a central figure in the Ancient Mesopotamian Epic of Gilgamesh.
MJ: Gilgamesh?
MD: Yes! Gilgamesh! In the story, Enkidu was formed from clay and water by Arurua the goddess of creation in order to rid Gilgamesh of his arrogance. In the story he’s a wild man, raised by animals and ignorant of human society until he’s bedded by Shamhat, a temple prostitute!
MWW: Bedded, Drew?
MD: Yes bedded! You know Warren! Having SEX! At least I hope you know?
MWW: Whatever!
MJ: Just continue with your story Drew!
MD: Thereafter, a series of interactions with humans and human ways brings Enkidu closer to civilization, culminating in a wrestling match with Gilgamesh, king of Uruk.
MJ: Not understanding here Drew?
MD: You see, Enkidu embodies the wild or natural world. Though equal to Gilgamesh in strength and bearing, he acts in some ways as an antithesis to the cultured, urban-bred warrior-king.
MJ: Really?
MD: Yes, really! Enkidu then becomes the king’s constant companion and deeply beloved friend, accompanying him on adventures until he’s stricken with an illness and dies.
MWW: What then?
MD: The deep, tragic loss of Enkidu profoundly inspires Gilgamesh to seek a quest hoping to escape death by obtaining godly immortality!
MWW: Nice story there Drew! But if you might, could you give us a little more information, possibly, please?
MD: There’s this guy! You know! Running free and naked, and yes, I was running with him, in the wilderness with some Crazy Gazelles or CGs!
MJ: Some Crazy Gazelles or CGs?
MD: Yeah! Some Crazy Gazelles or CGs! Anyway, he’s keeping himself busy by protecting his animal friends from the various hunters trying to, well you know, kill and eat them!
MWW: Horrible! Simply horrible!
MD: Got that one! Stay away from the Meat or M! Fruit and Veggies or FVs only! Damn the feedlots and the slaughterhouses! And damn their brutal cruelty!
MJ&MWW&MSC: You want everyone to stop eating meat, Drew?
MSC: That’s a Censure or C! FAKE NEWS ALERT!
MD: Yes!
MJ: So then?
MD: The entire story’s about civilizing us all! Where we once ran free, implied by our being naked, can’t buy anything online if you’re running free and naked; now we sit on our asses while clicking the mouse incessantly hoping for instant gratification!
MJ: Are we gratified Drew?
MD: Hell no! We just keep going back to the mouse and click until we’re raw! And then we do it all over again!
MJ: And the temple prostitute Drew?
MD: Simply our coming together and romancing one another! Can’t do that online!
MWW: I have!
MJ: I don’t doubt it Warren!
MWW: Whatever!
MJ: Lesson here Drew?
MD: Master Milo sent me to a place where our hunter/gatherers way of life ended! A place where the city/state was formed! A place which made online buying a possible reality in the life of humankind!
MJ: But you didn’t learn your lesson! We demonstrated that while at the HGTV!
MD: I know! Sad isn’t!
MWW: And truly sad that we’re out of time if not outta our tiny little civilized minds! Oh Drew?
MD: Yes Warren?
MWW: What your pubic area being on fire? How’d that happen?
MD: Ran much too close to the sun Warren! Much too close!
MJ: Okay than! Great tale! See you next time! And don’t forget! I’m Jonathan and this’ my brother Drew!
MD: And while we were for a moment in time the actual Property Brothers!
MJ: Hey cherished listeners! Now were not! Good bye!
* * *
To our cherished audience out there hopefully still listening to our ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded; I’m still disappointingly so, the show’s producer Warren Williams and I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while once again leaving any semblance of rational thought at the door as for the sake of TheJefferys: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? I’m still here live yet pre-recorded and I simply don’t understand any of this! ( Inspirational Pause!) And please cherished audience, come back next time to hopefully Find-Out-the-Facts or FOFs concerning the nature and cause of our Collective Delusion or CD! Please cherished audience! Stay safe! And Good Night Irene!
* * *
PBD: Jonathan?
PBJ: Yes Drew?
PBD: Nice to be home here at the HGTV!
PBJ: Beyond nice!
PBD: Was your journey as exciting as mine?
PBJ: More so!
PBD: How’s that?
PBJ: Tell you some other time! As for now!
PBD: Yes?
PBJ: Open up another bottle of that nice Opolo Merlot or OM!
PBD: Would be my pleasure! Jonathan?
PBJ: Yes Drew?
PBD: Did you see that shadow on the wall move?
PBJ: Indeed I did!
PBD: So what is it?
PBJ: Just Mr. Robert De Niro or MRDN laughing his Satanic Ass or SA off!
PBD: Oh! Jonathan?
PBJ: What Drew? Can’t you see that I’m trying to enjoy this merlot?
PBD: Sorry! But I still prefer Mr. Lucifer or ML!
PBJ: Whatever Drew! Whatever! To TheJefferys! This merlot’s excellent!
PBD: Or to TheDonald!
PBJ: I don’t really care Drew! Just Don’t Care or JDC!