Don't Say the "M" Word!
Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Live Yet Pre-recorded- Episode V of:
Don’t Say the “M” Word!
A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded
J: We’re back live yet pre-recorded once more and aren’t you really surprised concerning this?
D: Why would our cherished listeners be surprised that we’re back live yet pre-recorded, Jonathan?
J: Because this interview with our Stupid Ass Scratching Mark Oglesby or SASMO’s…
M: That’s Mark please!
J:… taking so long!
D: But don’t we want all the dirt concerning the evil Com.com?
J: To a point dear brother! To a point!
D: So what do you mean?
J: Com.com gives us money and…
D: To a point SASMO! To a point!
M: Whatever! May I continue?
J: Very well, please continue!
M: So in the same vain as the PharmaVac, there exists the Departmental Meeting Meds or DMM provided for those administrators needing relief from the continuous bombardment of vocal abuse applied by trigger happy management.
J: Do tell!
M: So then, come down from the Sound and Fury or S&F by self medicating in the sanctuary of your own office. And once again, health provider covered and company ordained.
D: Good to know! What say you Jonathan?
J: Company meds? Grand concept! But never for the masses!
M: Yes for the masses as the QuickStep’s (?) manufactured solely for use by the workers, who are called Confederates by the way, on the floor and the overall good of Com.com or what’s termed “Company Needs” or CN.
J: You keep going on and on about this QuickStep (?) as you call it but you’ve yet to explain what the hell’s a QuickStep (?)?
D: Yeah! What the hell’s a QuickStep (?)?
M: Patience! I’m getting there!
J&D: What a SASMO!
M: That’s Mark please!
J&D: Whatever!
M: So enough of this whining, let’s get back to the nuts and bolts of the Executive Department’s power play against Technology as we might wish to focus on a simple device existent within the company business superstructure of which we have already spoken.
J: And that is?
M: Everyone at Corporate, everyone within the company worldwide no matter the position or title, high or low, is mandated 24/7-365, instructed to never lose contact nor connectability with the company. No matter where you are in existence, death being the lone exception perhaps…
D: Death or TheBigD?
M: Yes, TheBigD! … you’re required to be informed in an instant of any change in yours or the company’s status.
J: Sounds reasonable!
M: It isn’t! Anyway, a brief memo would be released by the Executive Board stating: ‘In honor of National Unplugged Day all personal electronic and technological devices will be shutdown at midnight: No Exceptions!’
J: Really?
M: Yes, really! To say the least, all communication between the company and its employees, again, the high or the low, could not be maintained. Chaos would ensue as no one, outside of those conducting customer business, commerce must never be interrupted even in Machiavellian...
D: Haven’t we read him Jonathan?
J: Indeed we have Drew!
M: … power plays, would be alerted as to the next unscheduled secret business meeting. At Com.com, as with all corporations in existence today, the business meeting remains ultimate as the perpetual assembly like gathering, the encounter of the faithful engagement, has serious if not religious undertones.
J: Amen to that brother SASMO!
M: That’s Mark please! You see, to miss a meeting’s sacrilege as it is also a one and done offense! It’s the first and only strike! The unforgivable sin! It is the most offensive if not odious transgression in this highly algorithmic, metric environment.
J: Praise TheJefferys for his magnificence!
D: Yes! All praise to TheJefferys!
M: Whatever! To say the least, terror has not been of such an equivalent nature as say, the crash of 2008.
J: Bad times there!
M: Indeed, bad times for MainStreet whereas WallStreet and The Big Bad Banks or TBBB were bailed out! Anyway, you could literally lose everything in an instant! For you see, to be thrown out of the company, “managed out” is the euphuism employed, sorry for the pun…
J: Sorry indeed! What a SASMO!
M: That’s Mark please! … was not almost the end of the world, hell, it is the end of the world!
D: May TheJefferys protect us!
J: Protect those of us in the Corporate Class or CC!
M: Everyone belonging to the company has at least one meeting everyday, again, no exceptions!
D: None?
M: Absolutely none!
J: As it should be! Drew and I meet everyday with our producer and aren’t those constant meeting’s just delightful!
D: No there not!
J: Oh yes they are!
M: Back on track please!
D: That’s just what our producer constantly says: ‘Back on track please!’
M: I wonder why? Continuing, it’s always been policy to hold the “Secret Meeting…”
J: Secret Meeting, sounds like fun!
M: Its not! SM or as some secretly call it S&M! Anyway, many an Executive, Techie or FC Management has been “termed” for missing these clandestine gatherings.
D: Termed?
M: Simply stated, the “Terms” are those Executives, Techies and/or Fulfillment Center Management of Com.com who have been released from their positions within the company. These people have been dismissed, for the most part, for violation of production policy which maintains the mantra: “Comes down to your numbers!” in due course and process of the exit interview seated between corporate security always as “GoingCom” or GC has replaced the postal motto as the number one fear factor in Corporate America today!
J: Preach the good word SASMO!
D: Yes, the good word SASMO!
M: That’s Mark please! And yes, many have been “termed” for missing the meeting, for delay of the deadline, for disrupting the flow, for and including; pregnancy, birth of a new child, emergency surgical procedure, death in the family, standing around looking clueless, excessive body odor, criticism of management, work place grievances, any and all grumblings, moaning, complains, verbal and/or in writing: not to mention any other number of mishaps which take place in the normal course of a human life. Again, commerce must never be disrupted! No, not even the justified lawsuit should get in the way of Customer Fulfillment or CF!
J: Preaching to the choir brother SASMO! Preaching to the Choir! Commerce, love it or get the hell outta the game!
D: What he said!
M: And what I say is this: Here’s a corporate device to thin out the herd as it were; a mechanism to instill the Fear Factor or FF required to maintain a company of such scale and magnitude; think of Orwell’s “1984” as Big Brother can be watching at anytime, in any place.
J&D: He’s watching us!
M: No doubt! The “fear” keeps everybody in line! The “fear” is the most successful tool in self-management and self-regulation ever devised. Here was Bruce Jeffery’s first and most important Leadership Principle or LP: Never Lose the Fear! But more of this later.
J: Always more of this later!
D: Yada! Yada! Yada!
M: Now going back to National Unplugged Day which has been set aside as a day when our dependence on technology and its many devices is curtailed by our insistence that ‘No device in my possession will be powered up in the next twenty-four hours…’
J: Chilling concept to be certain!
D: My frosty balls tingle!
J: As they should dear brother! As they should!
M: And no, it hardly matters that they’d been lied to by the Executive Department, who were by the way laughing their collective assess off as National Unplugged Day, which actually occurs on March 4th through the 5th and we’re talking here of it being December of 2013, whereas no one took the time to investigate, a simple Goggle maneuver by the way, the exact date of this national event: Stupid! Ass Scratchingly Stupid!
J: So these Techies were being SASMOs, correct?
M: I suppose so!
D: What a bunch of SASMOs!
M: Whatever! Now listen! This’ important! There’s no end of the work week in Corporate Capitalism or CC! Its one long day as the data stream constantly flows around the globe never allowing for a moment’s rest! And what we’ve all become…
D: What’ve we become brother SASMO?
M: That’s Mark please! We’ve become part of that…
J: Did you hear that?
D: Hear what brother?
J: That knock at the door!
M: What door?
J: Let me explain. We’re here live yet pre-recorded at The Spank the Monkey Café, while doing our ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ in the comfy confines of the cafés lone conference room which by the way cannot be located except via one of the cafés secret doors which we’re not allowed to discuss at present.
M: ??????????????????????????????
D: Talk to Zen Master Milo if you dare SASMO, it’s his rule!
W: More tea hons?
J,D&M: Yes please!
W: And no disturbing Master Milo at this time!
J: Wouldn’t think of it!
D: Wouldn’t dare!
M: ?????????????????????????????
J: Go with the flow! There’s a knock at the door! And even though you can’t see the door; there’s a door and someone’s knocking!
D: Than you’d better answer dear brother!
M: Why are you two frightened by a little knocking at what appears to be a simple door?
D: One never knows who or what’s behind that knocking when you’re in the lone conference room at The Spank the Monkey Café!
J: Who is it?
HS: It’s the Com.com Hit Squad or HS! We’re looking for the Wicked Whistle-Blower or WWB, the Stupid Ass Scratching Mark Oglesby or SASMO as he’s called by some! He’s written a book, Zen & the Art of Mastur…
J&D: Don’t Say the “M” Word!
HS: Experience the End of the Aeon at The Spank the Monkey Café: A Farce or Love Story, I’m Not Certain Which! ISBN: 978-1-4809-4141-0. And you can find it on Book-Finder or BF! Stupid Ass Scratching Title or SAST if you ask me!
J&D: Agreed!
HS: What are you agreeing to? One: That the author’s a SASMO? Two: That the book title’s stupid? Three: That the book cover’s simply inspired? Four: That the book isn’t fiction, a satire as stated on Book-Finder or BF but really a tell all whistle-blower’s inside story of living and working for an American corporation, Com.com being said conglomerate? Five: That all of this’ simply a waste of valuable living time? Six: That life itself’s a waste and why bother? Seven: That everything’s merely an illusion and none of us really exist? Eight: That the door I’m knocking at’s a mystery to me and I haven’t a clue as to why I’m continuing to knock? Nine: That it’s Tea Time or TT and I should go away and come back later? Ten: That it’s indeed TT and you should invite me in and serve up some of that Fine Chinese Green Tea or FCGT of which I’ve heard so many great things spoken about it from the Com.com Techies? Eleven: …
J: Is this going to end any time soon?
HS: No!
J: Than might I suggest that Drew and I agree to everything and move on?
HS: Keep talking!
J: One: Yes, the author’s a SASMO! Two: The Book’s title’s really stupid…
D: Ass Scathingly Stupid or ASS!
J: Thank you Drew! Three: I fine the cover page truly inspiring! Four: Yes, the book’s a fictitious story of corporate greed. And no, it’s not a whistle-blower’s inside story of living and working for an American corporation, Com.com being said conglomerate! Five: To be certain, all of this is a waste of time! Sex: …
HS: What about sex?
J: Mistake!
D: I don’t fine sex a mistake!
J: Whatever! Six: My life’s not a waste but this show’s getting to me! Seven: Life’s not an illusion but drugs can certainly help things along! Eight: Don’t ever knock on doors here at The Spank the Monkey Café unless you’re ready to (a): Face those illusions in life (b) become heavily medicated (c) wake-up in some God forsaken place lost in time and space (d) all of the above and finally (e) none of the above! Nine: All the time’s Tea Time or TT!
W: Some more tea hons?
J&D&M&HS: Yes please!
J: Ten: As Nietzsche says, which’s by the way in bold letters over the café’s entrance: ‘Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me!’
HS: So than you’ve heard of this whistle-blower, the Stupid Ass Scratching Mark Oglesby or SASMO!
J&D: Never heard of him!
* * *
To our cherished audience out there hopefully still listening to our ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded; I’m still disappointingly so, the show’s producer Warren Williams and I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while once again leaving any semblance of rational thought at the door as for the sake of TheJefferys: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? I’m still here live yet pre-recorded and I simply don’t understand any of this! ( Inspirational Pause!) It’s safe to say that this exchange at the conference room door between the Com.com Hit Squad and Jonathan and Drew who are still not the Property Brothers goes on for quite sometime and our corporate sponsors are screaming loud and clear: CUT! So yes please, I need some TT also and quite possibly, oh hell, for certain, some of those Departmental Meeting Meds or DMM right about now as taking that PharmaVac immediately following our program today will only get me half way there!! So please, book that reservation and fly the skies as you soar above modernity on your pharmaceutical voyage to infinity! And please, could someone figure out how or why I ever let those two, Jonathan and Drew, who are obviously not the Property Brothers, talk me into this gig! And by the way, I’m still waiting for their check to clear! ( Inspirational Pause!) Goodnight! Oh and by the way, please remember: Don’t Say the “M” Word! And please, whatever you do: Don’t be a SASMO!