Don't Say the "M" Word!
Inside Amazon’s House of Horrors! [Part II] A Painfully Good Time!
Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Live Yet Pre-recorded- Episode XCIX of:
Don’t Say the “M” Word!
A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded:
“I understand people believe I'm just a statistic
I say to them I'm different”
10th grader, Antwon Rose
“De l’audace, encore de l’audace, toujours de l’audace!” [“Audacity, audacity, always audacity!”]
-Georges Danton
“The power of the powerless!”
-Vaclav Havel
NSPB: Welcome “our” most cherished listeners! I’m the New Show Producer Becka or NSPB and I just wanted to thank you for tuning in while turning off Any Semblance of Rational Thought or ASRT and leaving it at the door as for the sake of TheBezos: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? Never understood that one but hey folks! We’re back!
J: I’m Jonathan!
D: And I’m Drew!
J&D: And together we’re certainly not the Property Brothers!
RAT: And this’ an established fact!
NSPB: And for this cherished listeners! We are all most definitely aware of such bizarre reality! And concerning “this reality” we push on in “our” attempt to get through TheSASMO’s three part series concerning life at TheAmazon’s Corporate Headquarters or ACH and what becomes of those White-Collar Workers or WCW who enter Amazon’s Chamber of House Of Pain or HOP!
“Real” living human beings: HOP! HOP! HOP! HOP away from TheAmazon’s House Of Pain!
J&D: Been there!
NSPB: Done that!
“Real” living human beings: Dido!
NSPB: Okay than! Let’s get this special rolling! TheSASMO, please!
Life in Purgatory! The Amazon Way! A Cult of Death or CD?
“Real” living human beings: CD! CD! CD! The CD’s available at Amazon.com! Order online anytime day or night! [Sarcastic Laughter By Everyone Present]
TheSASMO: “Conflict brings about innovation,” stated by one of the many Raw Corporate Recruits or RCR with his freckled Texan face and its obvious enthusiasms hoping for (excuse the pun) Fulfillment!
RAT: TheSASMO? Do you believe that conflict brings innovation?
TheSASMO: Indeed I do! Look at all the “innovation” brought about during war!
J: And everybody stand up and sing loudly!
J&D&NSPB&RAT&TheSASMO&“Real” living human beings: ‘(War) h’uh Yeah! (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin) uh-huh, uh-huh (War) h’uh Yeah! (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) Say it again, y’all (War) h’uh (h’uh) look out! (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) Listen to me Ooh war, I despise ‘Cause it means destruction of innocent lives War means tears, to thousands of mother’s eyes When their sons go off to fight and lose their lives I said, war (h’uh) Good God, y’all! (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) ‘gin Say it, again (War) whoa (h’uh) whoa-whoa, Lord (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) Listen to me! (War) It ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreaker! (War) Friend only to the undertaker Ooh, war Is an enemy to all mankind The thought of war blows my mind War has caused unrest Within the younger generation Induction, then destruction Who wants to die? Ooh war, Good God (h’uh) y’all! (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) Say it, say it, say it (War) Woah-h’uh (h’uh) yeah uh (What is it good for?) (Absolutely) nothin’ Listen to me (War) It ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreaker (War) It’s got one thing and that’s the undertaker Ooh, war Has shattered many a-young man’s dreams Made him disabled, bitter, and mean And life is much too short and precious To spend fighting wars each day War can’t give life It can only take it away Oh, war! (H’uh) Good God, y’all (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) Say it, again (War) Whoa (h’uh) whoa-whoa, Lord (What is it good for?) A-absolutely (nothin’) Listen to me! (War) It ain't nothin’ but a heartbreaker (War) Friend only to the undertaker Woo! Peace, love and understanding tell me Is there no place for anything else? They say we must fight To keep our freedoms But Lord, knows there’s got to be A better way Oooh (War) God, y’all! (uh) (What is it good for?) You tell ‘em! (h’uh) Say it, say it, say it (War) Good God (h’uh) now, h’uh (What is it good for?) Stand up and shout it (Nothin’!) (War) It ain’t nothin' but a heartbreaker Ooh, war!’
J: Doesn’t seem worth it now does it?
D: Do we have to have brutal dehumanizing competition to have “good” innovation?
TheSASMO: TheAmazon and other Malignant Corporations or MCs seem to think so!
D: Don’t a lot of those “Malignant Corporations” or MCs invest in the War Economy or WE?
“Real” living human beings: WE! WE! WE! We don’t need that Dirty Money from War!
J: Big Time or BT! And everybody stand and shout aloud!
J&D&NSPB&RAT&TheSASMO&“Real” living human beings: ‘(War) h’uh Yeah! (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin) uh-huh, uh-huh (War) h’uh Yeah! (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) Say it again, y’all (War) h’uh (h’uh) look out! (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) Listen to me Ooh war, I despise ‘Cause it means destruction of innocent lives War means tears, to thousands of mother’s eyes When their sons go off to fight and lose their lives I said, war (h’uh) Good God, y’all! (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) ‘gin Say it, again (War) whoa (h’uh) whoa-whoa, Lord (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) Listen to me! (War) It ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreaker! (War) Friend only to the undertaker Ooh, war Is an enemy to all mankind The thought of war blows my mind War has caused unrest Within the younger generation Induction, then destruction Who wants to die? Ooh war, Good God (h’uh) y’all! (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) Say it, say it, say it (War) Woah-h’uh (h’uh) yeah uh (What is it good for?) (Absolutely) nothin’ Listen to me (War) It ain’t nothin’ but a heartbreaker (War) It’s got one thing and that’s the undertaker Ooh, war Has shattered many a-young man’s dreams Made him disabled, bitter, and mean And life is much too short and precious To spend fighting wars each day War can’t give life It can only take it away Oh, war! (H’uh) Good God, y’all (What is it good for?) Absolutely (nothin’) Say it, again (War) Whoa (h’uh) whoa-whoa, Lord (What is it good for?) A-absolutely (nothin’) Listen to me! (War) It ain't nothin’ but a heartbreaker (War) Friend only to the undertaker Woo! Peace, love and understanding tell me Is there no place for anything else? They say we must fight To keep our freedoms But Lord, knows there’s got to be A better way Oooh (War) God, y’all! (uh) (What is it good for?) You tell ‘em! (h’uh) Say it, say it, say it (War) Good God (h’uh) now, h’uh (What is it good for?) Stand up and shout it (Nothin’!) (War) It ain’t nothin' but a heartbreaker Ooh, war!’
TheSASMO: Amazon’s at War with itself! Look at these employees lining up for orientation pushing the boundaries of what is deemed acceptable! Amazon’s conducting an experiment in just how far it can push its white-collar employees, and everybody else in the freaking world, to achieve its ever-expanding ambitions!
NSPB: Thank TheBezos children!
“Real” living human beings: Thank you Jeff Bezos!
TheSASMO: Jeff Bezos turned to data-driven management very early! He created a technologically obsessed retail giant by relying around this theme: His fanatical enthusiasm to tell others how to behave! Everybody! Friends! Colleagues! Employees! Customers! Everyone must conform to TheBezos’ idea of normality!
D: And what’s normal to TheBezos SASMO?
TheSASMO: Whatever passes his fancy! Remember Drew! He has more money than even God!
NSPB: Thank TheBezos children!
“Real” living human beings: Thank you Jeff Bezos!
J: May TheBezos be praised!
TheSASMO: Bezos has an instinct for frankness bordering on the pathological! He pushes everybody’s buttons with an overarching confidence in the power of his metrics! He forces the issue maintained by his experience in the early 1990s at D.E. Shaw, a financial firm that overturned Wall Street convention by using algorithms to get the most out of every trade!
J: And he really believes this shit? This’ madness?
TheSASMO: According to early executives and employees, TheBezos was determined almost from the moment he founded Amazon.com in 1994 to resist the forces he feared would sap businesses over time with unneeded bureaucracy! Profligate spending! Lack of rigor! All of which has drained the life, the blood outta everyone and everything due to this hyperactive competitive nature of kill or be killed!
“Real” living human beings: What TheSASMO?
TheSASMO: Bureaucracy? It’s legendary at Amazon.com! So much waste in the name of eliminating waste! One Area Manager to Manage three subordinate managers! Bureaucratic Waste or BW!
“Real” living human beings: Go to the body SASMO! Go to the body!
TheSASMO: Profligate spending? Amazon.com has twenty-five dollars in its sweaty little fist, five falls to the floor? Hey! So what! Look at the rate of the shares! Inefficiency! Disorganized wastefulness in the name of “stopping” profligate spending! What a mess! The control freak has lost control of the entire operation!
“Real” living human beings: Go to the body SASMO! Go to the body!
TheSASMO: Lack of rigor? People who are beaten down through “his” hyperactive competition lack rigor! They don’t want to be there! They can hardly wait to cash-out their shares and leave! They in fact hate TheAmazon and what it has done to them! From top to bottom this’ taking place! Defeated people and it’ll come back to “bite” you in the ASS Mr. Jeff Bezos every time!
“Real” living human beings: Keep going to the body SASMO! Keep going to the body!
TheSASMO: Other companies who are filled with enthusiastic people will overtake TheAmazon which’ll be buried in the dust-bin of history! Why? Because as the company grew, TheBezos wanted to codify his ideas about the workplace, the result became Amazon’s 14 Leadership Principles or LPs! These articles of faith describe the way Amazonians should act and behave. In contrast to companies where declarations about their philosophy amount to vague platitudes, Amazon.com has rules that are part of its daily language, religious rituals, dogma and doctrine used in hiring, cited at meetings and quoted in food-truck lines at lunchtime! Some Amazonians say they teach them to their children.
J&D&RAT: Amazon.com’s a Cult!
“Real” living human beings: The Religion of TheAmazon and Jeff Bezos as its High Priest or HP! HP! HP! HP! Jeff Bezos is the Zany High Priest of TheAmazon!
TheSASMO: Jeff Bezos when addressing a meeting in 2003 turned in the direction of Microsoft, across the water from Seattle, and said he didn’t want Amazon to become “a country club.” If Amazon becomes like Microsoft, “we would die,” he added.
“Real” living human beings: Die! Die! Die! Let TheAmazon Die!
J: TheAmazon will eventually shoot itself in the head what with its bizarre always eccentric, really weird structure of kill or be killed; this competitive rivalries which set one against all leading to a man actually jumping off the building in disappear!
RAT: He was most likely being PIP’d into Amazonian Online Oblivion or AOO!
“Real” living human beings: AOO!
TheSASMO: Now! While the Amazon campus appears similar to those of some tech giants, Google and Facebook as examples, who motivate employees with gyms, meals and benefits, like cash handouts for new parents, ‘designed to take care of the whole you,’ as Google puts it; Amazon though offers no pretense that catering to employees is a priority!
“Real” living human beings: AOO!
TheSASMO: Compensation’s cheap, cheap and double-cheap! TheAmazon rewards grants of a stock that have increased more than tenfold since 2008. But workers are expected to embrace Amazon’s “gladiatorial” nature of slaying your opponent focuing on relentless striving to please customers, or “customer obsession” the No. 1 Leadership Principal! And with words like “mission” used to describe lightning-quick delivery of Cocoa Krispies or selfie sticks!
“Real” living human beings: Known as Stupid Ass Scratching Stuff or SASS! SASS! SASS! SASS! Amazon’s so full of ASS!
TheSASMO: Amazon’s “so-called” Number One Leadership Principal is in the words of Jonathan!
J: Bullshit!
“Real” living human beings: What TheSASMO?
TheSASMO: TheAmazon could care less about its customer base other than that “they” are, like Amazon’s workers, part of the ever present data stream which stipulates ‘you must’ adhere to TheAmazon Way or AW!
“Real” living human beings: Way! Way! Way! Away with TheAmazon!
J&D&RAT: Work Hard! Have Fun! Make History! Hurrah!
TheSASMO: TheAmazon doesn’t want customers who must be spoken to with respect giving “them” a forum to voice ‘could you explain this item to me please?’ Hell no! TheAmazon wants “their” emphases on “their” the customer becoming part of “their” data stream! They want people to become machines; robots performing Amazon’s obsessive desire to deliver Stupid Ass Scratching Stuff or SASS in record time whether or not you want or need “their” once again Stupid Ass Scratching Stuff or SASS!
“Real” living human beings: SASS! SASS! SASS! Amazon’s full of ASS!
TheSASMO: As the company’s grown, Jeff Bezos has become more committed to his original ideas, viewing them in almost moral, mostly religious terms! As TheBezos says: ‘My main job today: I work hard at helping to maintain the culture!’
RAT: A Culture of Death or CD!
J: A Cult of Death or CD!
“Real” living human beings: “Real” living human beings: CD! CD! CD! The CD’s available at Amazon.com! Order online anytime day or night! [Sarcastic Laughter By Everyone Present]
TheSASMO: TheBezos believes, religiously, that harmony’s most assuredly overrated, hyped to the max and altogether puffed up in the workplace! That it most likely stifles honest critique and encourages polite praise for flawed ideas! Instead, Amazonians are instructed to “disagree and commit” Leadership Principal No. 13! To rip into colleagues’ ideas with feedback that can be ingenuous! Always to the point! Extremely painful! And blunt to the point of placing a metaphorical blade into the symbolic body of a co-worker perhaps even a friend! This’ TheAmazon Way!
J: The Amazonian House of Horrors or AHH!
“Real” living human beings: House of Whores? What TheSASMO?
J: No! That’s House of H-O-R-R-O-R-S! Not W-H-O-R-E-S!
RAT: Same thing at TheAmazon!
D: What?
J: They don’t love you Drew! They give you the SEX and good vibrations for money!
D: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
NSPB: Thank TheBezos children!
“Real” living human beings: Thank you Jeff Bezos!
NSPB: And it’s once again “time” for “our” ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ live yet pre-recorded here in downtown Seattle, Washington of the United States of Ain’t No Need For TheAmazon Way here or SWUSANNFTAWH in: America to say goodnight Irene!
J&D: Bye again!
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To our cherished listeners out there hopefully believing that “our” ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded formerly at The Spank the Monkey Café in the heart of downtown Seattle, Washington of the United States of Here’s Still Hoping for the Fifth Aeon to Finally Come and Save Us All Here or USHSHFAFCSUAH in: America which’s quickly Slipping Into Darkness or SID! Hopefully, we’ll be back next time! Who knows? Now listen! I’m Becka formerly known as Reject # 2 now known as the New Show Producer Becka or NSPB! I’m here in what’s known as “Reject Square” where we’re now broadcasting live yet pre-recorded and so many thanks once again to “our” cherished listeners who are anticipating another Episode or E of ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’! We’re so sorry that you have to live through these nasty “happenings” taking place daily here in America! I mean to say! Really SORRY! But I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while again leaving Any Semblance of Rational Thought or ASRT at the door as for the sake of TheBezos: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? Never understood that one but hey folks! We’re back! (Inspirational Pause!) And please cherished “LISTENERS” again return next time to hopefully Find-Out-the-Facts or FOFs concerning the nature and cause of our Collective Delusion or CD as we Tell Our Tale or TOT of Misery or M here in a land known as America! Please stay safe and always watch out for those Frenzied, Extremely Agitated Regrettables or FEAR who see their own reflection in the Mirrored Sunglasses or MSs of those who would Un-Naturally or UN ridicule our Blessed Way of Life here on Silent Radio or SR! And please! Make sure to thank TheBezos! And so I’m pretty certain! And Good Night Irene! Whoever “she” is?
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D: Jonathan?
J: Yes Drew?
D: Not all whores are bad people Jonathan!
J: No they aren’t Drew but that’s not the point!
D: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!