Don't Say the "M" Word!

Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

          Live Yet Pre-recorded- Episode I of: 

 Don’t Say the “M” Word!

        A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded:

D: We’re here live yet pre-recorded! I’m Drew and this is my brother Jonathan, and we’re not the Property Brothers!

         J: That’s correct cherished listeners! We’re not the Property Brothers although we look like them! We talk like them!  We dress like them! We even act like them! But we want to be perfectly clear about this! We are not the Property Brothers!

         D: And why’s that important Jonathan?

         J: Just making it perfectly clear; from a legal, moral, ethical, and most certainly, professional stand-point; that we’ve every right to be who we are and wish remain!

         D: And that’s?

         J: Jonathan and Drew who are not the Property Brothers!

D: Well then, let’s get to it!

J: Great idea!

D: So, since we’re at it, we need to inform all of you that we’re live yet pre-recorded here inside The Spank the Monkey Café in the heart of downtown Seattle, Washington just kitty-corner across Reject Square from

the Corporate Headquarters of Com.com, the mighty online retail giant!

         J: Oh and by the way!

         D: Yes Jonathan?

         J: Com.com’s one of our many sponsors for our marvelous ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded! And while we have absolutely no commercials whatsoever…

         D: Thank God for that!

         J: You mean thank TheJefferys for that!

         D: Thank TheJefferys?

         J: Yes! Thank TheJefferys! The CEO and founder of Com.com the mighty online retail giant whose octopus like tentacles covers the earth as if a plague.

         D: And they sponsor us?

         J: From time to time when TheJefferys’ outta of town!

         D: And who are our others sponsors!

         J: You want a list, Drew?

         D: Yes Jonathan, perhaps our cherished listeners would like to know who and what grotesque if not gruesome corporations are pouring money into our Silent Radio Hour which’s live yet pre-recorded.

         J: I know I would!

         D: And so would I!

         J: So you’re saying that you don’t know for certain, Drew?

         D: That’s right cherished listening audience! None of us mere mortals know for certain what’s what or who’s who when it comes to those nasty corporations which by the way pour money into our Silent Radio Hour which’s live yet pre-recorded!

         J: So glad to hear that Drew! But please, back to this evil Com.com who everybody loves to hate and hates to love! What’s the deal?

         D: About their evilness or for their giving us money for our once again ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded?

         J: Well both! But first, why don’t we give a little background info as to what the hell Com.com’s all about.

         D: Great idea Jonathan! Here’s the skinny concerning Com.com and its CEO and founder Bruce Jefferys, or as he’s called, lovingly I might add, by those of his inner circle: TheBruce!

         J: What the hell’s ‘the skinny’, Drew?

         D: Sorry! Old out of date term! ‘The Skinny’ simply means the inside scoop, the real story that most people don’t know but want to.

         J: So what don’t people know about Com.com?

         D: That it’s simply evil! And here’s why!

         J: But yet they give us money for our Silent Radio Hour which’s live yet pre-recorded?

         D: Don’t ever try and explain the inner workings of a massive corporation and whatever motive or endgame they might be playing! Just go with the flow, okay?

         J: Not a problem Drew! So then, the dirt on Com.com!

         D: Here we go: Com.com or Commerce-Online-Mechanically, the creation of CEO and founder Bruce Jefferys, known to friend and foe alike as ‘TheBruce!’ maintains an online retail giant never before witnessed in human history as its octopus like tentacles cover the earth as if a plague. At the mere touch of a button, the turn of a mouse, the swipe of a screen; hell, phone in the order and just as if by magic modern Stupid Ass Scratching Stuff…

         J: Stupid Ass Scratching Stuff?

 D: …Yes, Stupid Ass Scratching Stuff or SASS!

         J: SASS?

         D: Yes, SASS! You know, all that cheap CRAP which suddenly appears as if out of nowhere at your doorstep, place of business, grandchild’s home, lover’s apartment, the long winding road to nowhere! Hey, you name the place, time and/or date and it’ll be there: guaranteed as Com.com aims to please as it mandates customer satisfaction or else!

         J: Or else what Drew?

         D: Or else you’ll be forced into watching all those Stupid Ass Scratching Commercials or SASC what with their Stupid Ass Scratching Songs or SASS with some Stupid Ass Scratching Guy or SASG dancing around his Stupid Ass Scratching House or SASH just because he got some Stupid Ass Scratching Furniture or SASF! Get the point?

         J: Please Drew! For the love of TheJefferys, stop!

         D: Not a problem Jonathan!

J: Thank you Drew!

D: No Jonathan, thank TheJefferys!

J: Yes, everybody, thank TheJefferys!

D:  Now concerning Com.com and Bruce Jefferys, CEO and founder of before mentioned Com.com; here’s the thing!

J: About time don’t you think, Drew?

D: Absolutely! Now speaking of “or else!” it seems as if there’s a hitch in the giddy-up at Corporate Headquarters here in Seattle, Washington hoping to someday become America as a Machiavellian power play’s hit full force as if a tsunami. It seems the Departmental branches of Executive and Technology are locked in a life and death struggle for control of the company. A life and death struggle which has become: Civil War!

J: Civil War? Oh my Jefferys! So how’s it’s gone down, Drew?

D: It was at last year’s ‘GIG’, the annual meeting of Gigabyte Holders as shares are no longer issued because owners of Gigabytes retain a first in line standing to the Cloud accessing the capacity which remains the path toward today’s true wealth holders, but more of this later…

J: But why later, Drew?

D: Because I said so, Jonathan! Now listen! Jefferys introduced three new future additions to Com.com’s massive holdings. The first and foremost was the release date of the ‘FOOL’ device during next year’s celebration of 20 years in business.

J: Wow! ‘FOOL’ device! Sounds fantastic!

D: Really isn’t! But again, listen: The second but also of enormous economic value to the corporation nonetheless would be the possession of, in one year’s time, all copyrights to every sacred piece of religious literature in the history of humankind, known or otherwise.

J: And what does this do?

D: Whenever a ritualized prayer’s prayed, a sacred song sung, a liturgy held, communion given and received; Com.com receives a piece of the religious pie. And to be perfectly honest, wouldn’t this just go nicely with the already existent Com.com’s Virtual Mega Church: The Divine Online, but more of this later.

J: Sounds like fun!

D: It isn’t! Anyway, the third acquisition would belong to the pharmaceutical division, PharmaCom, which oddly enough was under co-operational direction of both Administration and Technology as both departments were critical in the discovery, development and manufacture if not extension of the pharmaceutical sciences

J: Great plan!

D: No, not really! But still, it’s important to note that as knowledge advances in the boundaries between certain areas of the pharmaceutical sciences, a blur became apparent as to what’s legal and what’s not. Many foundational concepts have gotten off tract as to what’s acceptable and again, what’s not.

J: Please go on!

D: So! It’s here that the introduction of the highly addictive but nonetheless effective management tool of the ‘QuickStep’ (?) was suddenly revealed as its launch date into the international industrial population was close at hand. There seemed to be no stopping this advancement as upper management envisioned the monetary value in this very extreme yet “safe” synthetic compound.

J: So what happened? And why the quote, unquote sign when you said, “safe?”

D: Oh, no reason!

J: Than why are you laughing, Drew?

D: Just happy you know!

J: Good to know as well!

D: Anyway, back to basics: Well it was at this annual meet and greet that the Executive Board realized the potential for their own undoing. Here was a clear sign that CEO Bruce Jefferys was leaning toward the Technology Department as the overall leader in Com.com’s future.

J: God this’ good stuff!

D: Again, no, not really! And yes, the Sacred Literature would be under the control and maintained by the Executive Department. And sure, the ‘QuickStep’ (?) would also add prestige to Administration. But the ‘FOOL’ device, as outlined in Jeffery’s ‘GIG’ speech would revolutionized humanity’s future and this unfortunately would advance the Technology Department to the stratosphere of commerce superstar celebrity.

J: I’m sold!

D: Well Jonathan, you shouldn’t be!

J: Why not Drew?

D: Here’s the thing! The device would be a radical paradigm standard transformation as life as it’s lived on this planet, in this dimension, would be altered completely. Everything would change! The Cloud, theoretically speaking, could be brought down. Whole economies radically changed. Wealth evaporated instantly. Social status potentially ruined. Class structure flat lined. And who knows what directly and immediately distorted forever. The meaning of a ‘Life Worth Living’ would no longer be relevant in such a “foolish” environment.

J: Please stop! My head’s aching!

D: It should be! To say the lease, the Techies, the geeks, the strange ones would take control; a catastrophe of enormous portions: What to do? How was the Executive Department going to maintain the established caste system which had been in place since the beginning? How would these East Coast Ivy League Standard of Executive Business Administration withstand the assault of the West Coast laid-back Silicon Valley Berkley radicalized anti-establishment drug induced hippie cultural paradigm shift survive under the outright blitzkrieg of these goofy geeks? Unthinkable! What’s a highly educated, properly motivated, graciously cultivated, immensely sophisticated, utterly refined, profusely civilized leader to do?

J: What could they do?

D: Here’s their plan: “Get rid of Jefferys!” ASAP! Actually it would be so simple. An accident on the Sound, a boating mishap and who’s to know? No muss, no fuss; no body! ‘TheBruce’ is missing presumed drowned. And Princeton Paris, Chief Operational Officer of Com.com would take control as the natural order of things would be restored! The Divine Right of Kings intact! A ‘Life Worth Living’ principle reestablished.

J: Sounds great being a part of the Administrative Class.

D: Indeed it is! For you see, to be part of the Administrative Class is to have made the grade. To be an Executive in a major Corporation existing in America at this time is to have reached the nirvana of business entitlement unknown to over ninety-nine point nine percent of the population. To be or become a Master of the Universe is to know fame and fortune as few who have ever lived on planet Earth.

J: Wow!

         D: Indeed! The Manor Houses! The Cars, clothes, meals and other emblems in the opulence of higher living is the breathtaking delight engendered by these people who know no restraint and would take no prisoners to get and keep it. The rub?

         J: This’ exciting stuff, Drew! So, what’s the rub?

         D: A Faustian bargain with the devil’s a pact that could lose one their very soul. And as so many have said time and time again: “don’t do it!” But those people are the losers here in life but I’m a winner and a deal’s a deal! Commerce is king so all hail the reigning powers that be here on planet Earth.

         J: Wow! That’s something else Drew!

         D: Yes it is but sadly Jonathan: More of this later!

         J: I tingle in anticipation Drew!

         D: You should Jonathan!

         J: So what’s next on our list as to an introduction of our ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded? Drew?

         D: Sorry! Got lost there for a moment!

         J: Need some QuickStep (?), Drew?

         D: Maybe tomorrow Jonathan when we return for our next episode of ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ live yet pre-recorded!

         J: Again Drew, I tingle!

         D: As do I Jonathan!

         J: See you next time cherished listeners when we investigate what the hell’s a QuickStep (?) and why it’s so vitally important to modern commerce!

         D: So again! I’m Drew and this’ my brother Jonathan and we’re most definitely not the Property Brothers! ( Inspirational Pause!) Goodnight!

                                                  

                                               *        *         *

To our cherished audience out there listening to our ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded. I’m the show’s producer Warren Williams and I wish to thank all of you for tuning in while leaving out any semblance of rational thought as for the sake of TheJefferys, for how in the hell can you listen to silent radio? I’m here live yet pre-recorded and I simply don’t understand any of this! But hey, as long as the corporate cash flows; hey, let’s go with that flow! ( Inspirational Pause!) Goodnight! Oh and by the way: Don’t Say the “M” Word! Whatever the hell that means but I’m certain we’ll all learn more about this as the show advances live yet pre-record! And please, come back tomorrow for more fun, foolishness and folly from our Silent Radio hosts, Jonathan and Drew who are most certainly “not” quote, unquote; the Property Brothers!