“Don’t Be Sad” and Other Outdated Terms
Lee Miller,
Child Custody Mediator | Collaborative Divorce Coach- I Help Attorney’s Save Time When Their Clients Need Mediation.
“Don’t be sad”
“Don’t cry”
“You’re okay”
“Shake it off”
“At least XYZ didn’t happen”
“It could be worse”
I could write pages of more examples of dismissive, all too often used, statements, but I know you get my point.?
Why are these seemingly innocuous statements actually harmful? Because they are entirely dismissive of the other person’s experience and feelings. They take a posture of superiority which can disconnect but on top of that they are telling someone else how they should be feeling or reacting to what is likely a painful scenario.?
So what phrases can you use to replace those??
“I’m here for you”
“Tell more more about it”
“I feel sad sometimes too. It’s okay to be sad.”
“I love you”
“Do you want a hug?”
“I’m sorry that happened to you.”
Even just reading that second list did you feel your body tension relax and warm? There is something soothing in the power of someone offering a safe landing pad for our messiness and humanity.