Don't Punish The Pizza Man...

Imagine this:

It's a Saturday evening.

Your roommate texts you from work and says he feels like having a pizza. You call the new, cute little pizza place that you've been longing to try.

"Hi, I'd like to order a pizza for my roommate. One cheese-stuffed, sausage pineapple pizza. And can you also add smoked salmon, cabbage and raisins. Yes, raisins. Yes. Thank you. My full name is..."

Ten minutes later, the doorbell rings.

The pizza man is standing at your door with the delicious (and slightly strange-smelling) pie you asked for.

"Okay, just a sec. My roommate is still at work. I need to wait for him to come back and pay for this pizza."

"But I don't understand. You ordered it and asked me to deliver it here. You even asked for the "15-minute rush delivery" option.

"He's going to give me the money to pay for it."

"Okay..."

20 minutes later, the pizza man is still standing at your door, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Sir, can you just pay for it?"

"I have no money."

"Okay, surely you can ask your roommate to send you the money since he asked for the pizza?"

"No, I can't do that - you're just going to have to wait."

Twenty minutes of awkward silence later, your roommate's car approaches. He gets out of the vehicle, shoves the pizza man and walks straight to his room.

"Oh, that's my roommate. Let me go check if he's okay with this pizza."

The pizza man has to stop himself from throwing chili flakes in your eyes.

"What do you mean check if he's okay with it? This is what you said he wants. "

"Yes, but that was then, this is now. I need to be sure he still wants it, you know? There might be a few changes to his vision. Nothing major, just A few more toppings here and there. I'm sure you understand."

You slam the door shut and disappear, carrying on with your life. You drink and eat at fancy restaurants, impulse-shop on Amazon and binge-watch videos of horses kicking babies on youtube.

The pizza man (who now follows you on Instagram) is enraged seeing your stories. He tries calling you, but you never answer.

He comes back the next week, pizza in hand (freshly heated, of course) asking you to *please* pay for it.

"WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND PIZZA-MAN, MY ROOMMATE DOESN'T WANT THE PIZZA RIGHT NOW. HOW CAN I PAY FOR IT IF HE HASN'T ReLeASeD ThE fUnDs?"

"Can I speak to your roommate?"

"No, if I let you speak to him, he will get mad at me and stop all my free -lunches. It will strain our relationship."

"So, what do I do then?"

"It's not like we're eating the pizza or uploading pictures of it on our Instagram. Just keep it with you till he's ready to take it."

"What will I do with it?"

"I don't know, you're a pizza man. Surely you'll have some use for it?"

"No, it was a specific pizza, specifically made for you. I have no use for it now. Please pay me my money. "

"I told you, my roommate isn't paying. What do I do?"

"You ordered it. You pay. "

"Who me? No, like I said - the pizza is for my roommate."

"Yes, but you ordered it. The bill is in your name, so you need to pay for it, I don't care about your roommate."

"Look, we have been roommates for 10 years. I love and trust him a lot. And since he asked for it, he will want it. He's a man of his word.

I know he usually feels like eating pizza on the weekends after he gets high. I'll try pitching it to him then. But I can't make any promises. As soon as he decides he's in the mood for the pizza, I will give it to him and then, you'll get your payment. Okay?"

"Excuse me, what? That's not how anything works. I have been delivering pizzas for 20 years and..."

"I'm trying to help you here, bro"

"Have you never ordered a pizza before in your life?"

"Look, I could have given my business to any pizza-making establishment in the world but I chose you, I could see us working together on so many more projects, but if this is the attitude we're going to have maybe we should end this collaboration here.

"Are you crazy? THIS IS NOT HOW ANYTHING WORKS!"

"I run a creative agency and this exactly what we do with the writers, designers and other creative professionals we work with. Payment once the client approves.

It's the industry standard, okay?