Don't Be The Person Who is Uncoachable

Over the years, you've probably worked with people who were talented but uncoachable. As a consequence, these individuals likely performed less well, had poorer workplace relationships, and ultimately achieved less than they could have. In some instances, their lack of coachability potentially resulted in their getting let go. All because they weren’t listening to the help that others were trying to give them. In all cases, these situations represent squandered opportunities.

Even if you’re the world’s best at what you do, you can still get better. In fact, the world’s best – whether in sports, the performing arts, or the world of work – are undoubtedly still working to improve. None of them were born the world’s best, and their commitment to improvement is what has enabled them to become the world’s best.

Still, accepting coaching is hard for most of us. It’s difficult to hear a tough message. It provokes feelings of embarrassment and shame. It triggers our “fight or flight” response, resulting in our getting defensive (the fight) or quiet (the flight). Sometimes we literally flee the discussion.

?

It takes work and practice to become better at receiving coaching. Here are several tips for how to do just that:

?

1.???? Adopt a growth mindset. Carol Dweck famously distinguished between having a growth mindset, which assumes that everyone can improve, and a fixed mindset, which assumes that you are what you are. In reality, none of us are fully “growth” or “fixed” in our mindset. We are all a mix of both. But the more that you can adopt a growth mindset, the more you begin to believe that you can get better, and the more you’ll actually want to get better. (For more on mindset, check out our content on the PathWise Member Site .)

2.???? Commit to listening to feedback. When someone offers you a suggestion, hear them out. Don’t just dismiss what they’re saying. As the expression goes, “feedback is a gift.” It’s an instance where someone is making an effort to help you, even when their message may be difficult for them to deliver and difficult for you to receive. To be clear, not all feedback is kind, and not all feedback is helpful. You don’t have to adopt every piece of feedback you receive. But take it in anyway.

3.???? Just ask. If you’re not getting the coaching and feedback you want, ask for it. Ask your manager, ask a peer, ask a direct report, or ask a trusted other. Do it not just during 1x1s or performance discussions, but as you work on tasks and projects together, or after a key meeting or other interaction. If you become known for seeking feedback, your co-workers will eventually start offering it unsolicited, as they’ll know you’re open to hearing it.

4.???? Get behind the words. Many people are squeamish about sharing coaching and feedback. Most of us aren’t able to eloquently to deliver it. We get nervous and perhaps overly cautious with our words. Or we’re too blunt and come across as mean-spirited. Where you sense someone who is sharing coaching or feedback is holding back, work at getting them to be more direct. Encourage them to speak up and to be fully honest. When they’re being too direct, ignore the specific words and try to focus on the spirit and intent of what they’re saying instead.

5.???? Practice self-reflection. Your path to improvement can be guided by others, but it can also be guided by you. When you finish a task or a project, ask yourself what you could have done better. When you wrap-up the day and are on the way home, take a few minutes of your commuting time (or a few minutes for yourself, if you work from home) to consider what went well and what didn’t go so well during the day. Make a commitment to do (or try doing) one thing differently the next time or the next day. improvement.

?

If you make these practices a habit, they’ll become easier and more natural over time. And those incremental modifications you make will begin to add up to real improvement. In a way, this makes being coachable a skill unto itself. It will draw people to you. They’ll want to help you because they’ll see that you take in their guidance and adapt accordingly. You’ll then get better, and you’ll create a “flywheel effect” that will accelerate your personal development and trajectory. Even as you progress through your career, even if you become a world expert, keep seeking coaching. Remind yourself that you are seeking ongoing improvement and that the journey is lifelong.?

****

Like our career content? If so, become a PathWise member. Visit https://pathwise.io and join today.