Don't be an obliged person.

She asked a question which made me pause. I could have easily just answered, and succumbed to the pressure of wanting to comply, to been seen as agreeable.

In that moment I let myself slow down and access that little gut feeling I’m so used to trusting these days. I just didn’t like the question. It went against a belief system I have. And so, whilst of course I could have answered. I felt it was more powerful not to.

She waited patiently as I considered. 

So, I explained that the question in my view whilst well intended and seemingly innocent, would ask of me to be judgemental and assumptive. Both of which I’m not a fan of.

This was a pretty important meeting. One where I needed to be on my A game. But I’ve done a lot of work on my morals, my ethical boundaries and I know when I’m about to contravene myself.

Then I got to thinking about obligation. I’m just not an obliged person. I certainly do what I say I’m going to do and will do the hard yards of commitment. But I won’t be obliged just because it seems like falling in line is the right thing to do.

We’ve become overly obliged. Due to societal expectations, pressure to perform at a rate that is unhealthy and because we are on show so much of our lives these days. It seems we are at the mercy of judgement more often than not.

Our belief systems often run amok having us overcommit, agreeing when we don’t, saying yes when our whole body is screaming no! Because, underneath those moments we have a second voice saying things like:

- if I don’t, I’m not good enough.

- if I do it this time, they may just accept me for once.

- this makes me look good (even though it’ll likely hurt me in the long run)

This isn’t about selfishness for those of you wondering. This is about congruency. When we show up whole and aligned, we fall IN to the place that right for us in the world.

Not much obliged,

Suzanne