Don’t like this article? Let them.

Ever feel like you're carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations? Want more peace in your life? I'm going to tell you how to implement the "let them" theory. It's a bit like the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) principle with yourself. Let me explain.

After going through a burnout, I realized that trying to manage everything around me, whether it was work, friends, or family - was taking a toll. Since then, I've learned that people will make their own choices, and by giving them that space, I’ve found more peace in my life. Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring; it just means you're no longer responsible for how others choose to live, feel, or act, or perceive you. If you're a person with high empathy, this is not easy, and I struggle with it often - but it’s interesting to be aware of.

The "let them" theory is a mindset that encourages you to release control over situations and people outside of your influence. It’s about recognizing that while you can’t change others or their choices, you can choose how you respond. By adopting this perspective, you create space for peace and self-empowerment, allowing you to focus on your own feelings and well-being instead of trying to manage everyone else’s actions.

?? A company doing layoffs? Let them.

?? Your partner wants to sleep in when you want to tackle the garage together? Let them sleep.

?? Your colleague has a different opinion? Let them.

??♀? Someone doesn’t like you? Let them. Not everyone needs to like you.

Let. Them.

Sounds simple, right? So why don’t we just… let them?

1. Your need to control comes from anxiety. Feeling nosy, controlling, or unable to keep your opinion to yourself? It’s often a form of anxiety or fear.
2. It’s easier to focus on others than yourself. We trick ourselves into thinking that controlling others gives us control. But it doesn’t. You can influence people, but you can’t change or force them. You can only control yourself.
3. It distracts us from what we don’t want to deal with. This control often masks deeper, more emotional triggers we’re avoiding. Why many people should go to therapy, but that's another story.

So, every time you apply the "let them" theory, you gain more control over yourself.

But, when shouldn’t you use it?

1. In cases of discrimination or danger. Don’t let anyone treat you or others unjustly. This is just one example; if someone is endangering themselves or others, take action.
2. When advocating for your rights. Know your worth. This could be negotiating your salary or fighting for what you need, stand up for yourself.
3. When someone is crossing your boundaries. Don’t let people walk all over you. And as a parent, you’re responsible for raising your children, not just letting them.

How to use it?

Three reasons to apply the "let them" theory:

1. Detach yourself. Use the "let them" theory to detach from the mental struggle of what others are doing or what should be happening. It’s like a radical acceptance.
2. Don’t save others—let them save themselves. If you’re always rescuing others, they won’t learn. Let people be who they are to truly understand who you’re dealing with.
3. Jealousy is a form of anxiety. Whether you're jealous of someone’s relationship or your friend’s new focus, let them be. Jealousy is self-sabotaging.

It’s a challenging but powerful strategy, especially in emotional or stressful situations, but one that brings peace when mastered.

By letting go of the need to control others, you're not giving up—you’re giving yourself the freedom to focus on what truly matters: your own peace of mind. It’s not about caring less, but about prioritizing yourself more.

So, next time you feel the urge to intervene or take responsibility for someone else’s choices - pause. Ask yourself: can I simply let them? You might be surprised at how much lighter and freer you’ll feel if you just... Let them.

If you're curious, listen to the Mel Robbins podcast or read her book ??

And I'll end with a quote from my smart colleague Natalia, who offers a great reminder for better mental health: ?? take your own advice ??, as I’ll be working on keeping this up myself, too ??