Are setbacks defining you? Focus instead on your wins.

The last few days have been tough on everyone with the latest lockdown fiasco in Ontario. In my mom's "What's App" group we are all supporting each other while coping with finding out a number of our kid's classes have Covid-19 cases. Yesterday I also found out my son has to go into self-isolation. Surprise surprise, he wasn't impressed.

Like most, I am going through a series of emotions. Frustration, fear, and then finally submission.

My life in 2021 has felt like a dodgeball game. Balls are being lobbed at me from all directions, and there is no playbook to hone in on a strategy. So I continue to feel stretched, but in the latest lockdown, I am taking time to examine what I have control over and what I don't.

I listen to a meditation that says "By letting go it all gets done"

I have had to let go and be present in the moment and calmly react to what life is throwing at me. I am training my brain to not dwell on the past (trips, better work opportunities) nor worry about the future (will this ever end?). It was suggested to me that I could start a success journal to focus on what is going right - even if it is only small moments to be proud of.

Focusing on what's going right instead of what's going wrong can be a lifesaver. This is a power move. It's something I must continue to cultivate.

Here are some ideas to dodge those unwanted thoughts:

• Coping with setbacks? I will be completely transparent and admit I don't feel very successful in the current moment. The constant setbacks have been weighing me down. But just because I don't feel successful doesn't make it a reality. A thought shouldn't define you. Instead, reflect on the moments to be proud of. Today I will celebrate motivating my son to go outside today. We played a fun soccer game together to ensure he gets in his scheduled gym time. I saw this as an opportunity for me to get in some exercise instead of getting frustrated that he has to come up with a plan on his own.
• What can you let go of? I focus my time lately on deciding what isn't serving me anymore. By taking this step I can plan for what I want more of. Yesterday was a tough day for me for many reasons. On top of the school challenges, I also made an important, but difficult decision to step back from a collaboration that wasn't working for me anymore. I had spent a lot of time and energy on this project. It was really tough to walk away from it, but I have decided it just isn't worth the investment right now. This opening of space in my schedule will likely be very powerful and I am excited to feel the freedom (my #1 core value) that comes from this decision.
• Numb out much? Last night I felt completed defeated by the crazy day and all I wanted to do was to climb into bed and watch a Netflix movie. That diverted my attention for sure, but then when I tried to fall asleep all I could do was replaying the day in my head and it made me anxious. My brain started worrying about the choices it made. It took me forever to fall asleep and I woke up feeling tired. In reflecting on it now I wish I had gone to bed early and skipped the movie. I wish I had read a comforting book and then journaled on how brave my move was. Instead, I was wired and fixated on whether I did the right thing because when the situation occurred it zapped my energy and I wanted to avoid thinking about it. The bottom line is numbing out is rarely a move that will give you closure or acceptance. You must address your challenges with intention. A RAIN Exercise by Tara Brach would have been a better option for my evening. RAIN stands for R-Recognize, A-Accept, I- Investigate, N-Nurture. If I had taken a few moments to do this after the situation occurred I might have felt better without needing to numb out.

Life is short and we need to train our brains to see the blue sky opportunities. There are limitless possibilities in life, and they come from learning from our mistakes and not beating ourselves up. A perfect life to me occurs when we recognize how imperfect we are and embrace it along with the crap we are coping with. We are survivors. We'll get through this together.