Don’t let them make you believe flattery is a mandate!

Almost all of us have faced situations when we realized that the other person (who was part of a conversation or group meeting) was expecting some praise or compliment? Situations where we were quite sure that this expectation was not justified.

It’s easy to just say couple of lines and give that person what he or she wants. And most likely, he/ she is going to reciprocate the same for us irrespective of whether we deserve it or not in future. Reason- there is this unspoken understanding between people about give and take of praise. It might seem trivial or even harmless at first. However, it can be the start of something very dangerous for any office culture.

When we start giving and receiving credit irrespective of performance, then we end up undervaluing the most important thing for any organization or individual to grow- work and value addition.

This will corrupt not only those who indulge in it but demotivate others (in absence of fairness) who don’t.

How many people will still bring their best versions to work when it’s so easy to achieve their personal career goals by just praising someone or saying what the other person needs to hear? And how many will keep on bringing their best versions after being subjected to unfair treatment (again and again) because they refused to indulge in this system of flattery?

There have been situations where we ended up being penalized (directly or indirectly) because we refused to participate in this system of give and take of flattery. At that time, we can try and remember all those people whom we met in our professional journeys, who did the right thing, that is the fair thing for either us or for people around us.  We owe it to them to keep this flame burning.  Just because majority around us believe this is how things work or this is the mandate, it doesn’t make it right. Life would have been easier if right was just right and wrong was simply wrong, without any ambiguity introduced by the pressure of not being realistic or practical.

For every person who believes in this system of flattery, remember a person who doesn’t. And in case you haven’t met anyone whom you can remember (I will be really surprised if that’s the case) in your life then be that person whom other people can remember in similar situations. Let’s not give up just because majority wants us to believe this is what it is. No, it’s not. We have enough examples. And, we always have the choice to become one of these examples for others to follow.