Don't let the ghosts of missed opportunities visit you this Christmas, or ever

Happy Monday! Another week of wonderful opportunities is now ahead of us; or, for some, of dreaded repetition, depending on how you look at it. I hope you choose the first. I thought I’d write about outlook for this week. How we choose to see things determines outcome, and outcome affects results.

First off, let me remind you all that you’re damn near limitless. The only limitations you have are the ones you place on yourselves. You’re stronger than you think, but finding strength is a choice, and some would rather remain in their comfort zones, as unpleasant as they may be, than to take control of their lives, taking action to move courageously to where they’d like to be. Staying in ones’ comfort zone can be a dream killer and no successful business person or entrepreneur has ever stayed in their ‘comfort zone’. Choosing takes courage, and courage leads action, and action leads to victory. It’s your responsibility to see the better picture and do something about it. It’s also your responsibility to choose your outlooks – no one’s going to do that for you.

We can all learn a great deal from the words of a wise man in a wheelchair who was once asked by a curious youngster, “How does it feel to be confined to a wheelchair?”, to which the man answered, “Son, this wheelchair does not confine me, it liberates me.”

Yes, it’s our choice to respond to whatever adversities or setbacks that come our way, be it in life or in business, in whichever way we choose. It’s not so much what happens to us that matters – it’s how we respond to what happens to us that does. Winners move forward. Losers retreat or simply die on the spot. Once we are faced with tough and ugly things that so often happen to us in our lives, it’s up to us to choose our response.

When I cast my mind back to my upbringing and my life overall, I recognize the times when I was hostage to factors that set me desperately searching for rescue. Rescue implied to me that an outside force, a person or persons, would appear to help me out of my unhappy circumstances. But no one appeared. No rescue was at hand. I could have sat on the rock of my solitude until I was a very old man, awaiting some nameless, faceless rescue party like someone lost in the wilderness. But when I realized that the wilderness was a landscape of my own making—and of my own mind—I began to feel a strong impetus to take action to get out of the uncomfortable place in which I had somehow landed. That rescue, I eventually concluded, could only come from within myself.

I can personally attest to that, even later in life, having lost so much, so quickly and so unexpectedly.

You see, in 2010, I retired from the police service after serving 31 years. I'd had an amazing career and worked as a detective, a hostage negotiator and even a peacekeeper during the Iraqi war in 2005, where my life was saved by a terrorist.

I reached the decision to retire from police work to pursue an acting career in film and television that I had quite unexpectedly stumbled into. My wife at the time supported my decision, and as much as it was tough to turn in my badge after such a rewarding career, I looked forward to this new opportunity. But ‘ugly’ life happens, and sometimes it smacks us right upside the head when we least expect it. An unexpected divorce forced me to readjust my path. It knocked the wind out of my sails in more ways than one. My once secure retirement income was no longer so secure. In fact, it pretty much vanished. I found myself having to take a government contract job for 1 1/2 years to make ends meet, but once the contract ended, I then found myself without work for the first time in decades, and acting wasn’t a full-time job and it sure wasn’t going to pay the bills. In many ways, I had to re-invent myself, but I do believe that sometimes things don’t happen “to” us as much as they happen “for” us.

In 2013, a successful entrepreneur invited me to lunch after reading my profile on LinkedIn. He suggested that I write a book based on my unique career experiences in policing, hostage negotiations and peacekeeping, but I tucked that idea aside at first, having heard it before. Later that week, two other people said the same. I'd never planned on writing a book, but, finding myself without work with time on my hands, I decided I'd give it a shot. Why not? I figured the universe was sending me a message – and the universe had knocked on my door three times that week. So, I picked up a book on how to write a book… Silly me, I only read the first forty pages and thought I knew how to write it. But, not so. Two years later, I had some good words on paper, but what I had didn’t resemble a book whatsoever. I should've read the rest of the book on how to write a book, especially the directions on creating chapters and sub-chapters. Six months of hard editing for an inexperienced book writer finally made it look like an actual book. “Hostage to Myself,” now “Take Control of Your Life” - my book on how to deal with self-sabotage, anxiety, depression and adversity was born. I self-published, and as fate would have it, an editorial director for HarperCollins Canada ordered a copy and invited me for coffee in 2017, on my birthday that year, where he announced that HarperCollins Canada wanted to publish my book worldwide. Sometimes the unexpected happens. And sometimes it’s fantastic.

For instance, in 2015, right before I completed writing my book, a woman and now dear friend, who also came across my profile on LinkedIn, invited me to speak at a business event on the topic of business negotiations. I was happy to do so. Following that event, we chatted about some of my peacekeeping experiences in the Middle East. The story of how my life was saved by a terrorist piqued her interest and she suggested I apply to give a Ted talk based on that story and the message I'd learned on that fateful day. Not being one to overlook opportunities, I happily applied and to my delight, was selected. In October 2015, I gave my Ted talk at the Toronto TEDx event and was the closing speaker. Following that talk, a new life direction had presented itself to me and I’m now a keynote and motivational speaker. Now I speak globally on the topics of negotiations, conflict resolution, effective communication and mental health (based on my book). My life took a much-appreciated turn, and I attribute most of that to outlook – I didn’t give up when kicked silly. I got up and moved forward.

Despite whatever setbacks or adversity come your way, never give up or lose hope. Listen to the universe, your instincts - because they speak softly sometimes and in ways you might not understand at first. If no opportunities exist, create them. Take risks, try new things. Fail you may, but get back up. Victory goes to the ones who fall and get back up. If it doesn’t work out, try again. Try often. There is no failure when you try. The ones who never give up are the ones who win.

Don't self-sabotage yourself by telling yourself you can't do or achieve what you're after, because you can. Change your state of mind and you change your world. Take action and try new things. I, for one, don't want to be visited on my death bed by the ghosts of missed opportunities reminding me I should have tried. Do you? For me, I'm moving forward and there's so much more to be done. How about you?

#self #success #business #life #hope #selfsabotage