Don't let fear stop you

Someone asked me for advice recently, and I said what I always say: Do something that scares you. Funny enough… after that conversation I asked myself that same question and it caused me to pause and reflect (another good piece of advice: take time to reflect!) and it took me back to the last couple days of my holiday vacation when my daughter and I decided to climb Mount Benson on Vancouver Island. We were going to close off the vacation with a good half day hike. What could possibly go wrong?

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We chose to do this particular hike because the AllTrails app said it was a hard 6.5km hike that should take us 3-4 hours. Perfect! Just what we were looking for.? So we packed a bag with some supplies and headed off to the trailhead. The weather was crisp but not raining so it didn’t take long before we were stripping off our jackets and steadily climbing upwards, working up a bit of a lather. There were some slippery spots along the way and a couple trail re-directs but we were feeling pretty good for the first half of the hike. Then the wet trail turned to ice and then snow and before we knew it, we were climbing in almost 2 feet of snow and a decent snowfall that was impeding our visibility.?

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I was beginning to feel a little scared and nervous. But then 2 goat-men (who we named later as they were definitely super-human!) ran past us on the trail and the first thought that came to mind was ‘oh, this is normal, there are other people doing this, so why be scared of what’s ahead?’ and so… we carried on. We followed their footsteps in the snow and somehow got off track and lost sight of the trail markings. The trail disappeared and the 2 men were long gone. Little did we know, we ended up on the steepest part of the mountain and had to get on all fours in some parts to keep climbing up. It was not easy.

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I was scared. We had to quickly put our jackets back on, it was cold and the visibility was shifting quickly. Now normally you would think to turn around and go back down. We thought about it. But at this point, we were too far gone. The way down would not be easy. First, we would need to find the actual trail (vs the goat-men trail we were currently on). And second, there was no way to get back down that steep of a terrain without risking serious injury. So we had to trek on.? If we made it to the top, we could find the loop, and take the safest path down. We had to go on.

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I didn’t verbalize any of this of course. These were all thoughts going through my head as I didn’t want my daughter to worry more than I knew she already was. I had to be strong and confident. It’s a mom thing (insert eye roll here). So we kept going up.

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We managed to get to the top and had to chip through the Summit sign, to make sure this was in fact the top because at this point, we couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of us. So much for enjoying the view! The only thing on my mind at this point (after the obligatory selfie!) was to find the trail to get back down. We were all smiles but deep down I was still pretty scared because we were socked-in and I still needed to find the trail to get back down. I couldn’t see a thing. Panic was setting in.

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Thankfully, another climber (who we called the old wise man) appeared out of nowhere from the trail and calmly greeted us with a simple hello. He just appeared, mere feet in front of us. We told him this was our first time up (with a nervous laugh) and he said, very calmly, that he did this all the time and we would too, now that we’d done it. This somehow brought me peace and confidence and released my nervous (scared) energy. It totally reset me. So down we went, feeling in control again. We were back on the path, back in control, and feeling accomplished and on track.

Twelve kms later (yup, turns out the AllTrails map meant 6.5km ONE way! And then our short cut through the middle shaved off some distance!!), and a 1000m ascent, we walked back to the trailhead feeling accomplished, relieved, and ready to take on the next challenge.? We high-fived, felt great, and then began recounting the craziness of that hike. Our nervous energy turned to laughter and, in the safety of the car on route home, a quick nod and a “don’t tell Dad I almost killed you” to complete the Mother-daughter bonding moment.

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But it wasn’t until I was asked to reflect back (something I don’t do enough of) did I appreciate some life lessons I learned along that trail.

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So here goes:

• Never assume you know what lies ahead and never under-estimate it. Take the time to plan and prepare for the unexpected. Follow a plan and be prepared to diverge.
• Don’t always follow in someone else’s footsteps (remember the goat-men??)… their path may not be yours.
• Be strong, hold your power, but communicate how you feel along the way, to get energy from others. I should have done that with my daughter.
• When fear grips you, keep moving forward. Take it one step at a time. That’s what ultimately gets you where you want to go—literally and figuratively!
• Be inspired (and comforted) by others around you who have been there before you (the old wise man.) Use that to shift your mindset and build your confidence.

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There are definitely things I would have done differently (see lesson #1!) but as my daughter Gen said to me soon after: “the struggle is real, but it’s worth it.”

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Enjoy the journey!